How do you cope?
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| Wed, 07-26-2006 - 12:26pm |
This isn't specifically about parenting a teen but it is about being a parent old enough to have teens and what it generally means in our overall lives.
Being a mom these days, for me, is extremely difficult. I am definitely one of those sandwich generation people. I have parents in their mid to late 60s who are experiencing failing health issues. My kids are school age and still need alot of attention. I work full time and have a demanding career which requires me to focus and concentrate despite all the distractions of my personal life. I have a difficult and challenging marital situation that is stressful to me personally. And although the best I can do is just take it all one thing at a time, one day at a time, some days it is all just sooooo overwhelming.
It seems like when you finally think you've hit a good spot and things are calming down, everything just comes racing at you. Between trying to keep up with the kids requirements, helping my parents cope with their issues, dealing with all the workload at the office, and dealing with financial and emotional fallout from a failing marriage I just want to scream. Or maybe run away somewhere and just let them all deal with it themselves.
Its definitely affected my health. I am stressed out, my eating habits suffer and I have little to no time left to work out between all the demands on my day.
I know that I am not alone in this in the world. And I know that esp those of us with teen/school age kids are exactly at that point in our lives when we are squeezed to death. Nobody ever prepared me for this crazy point in my life. How do you all deal? Maybe I can get some insight into how to handle all this....

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I completely understand and am right there with you. I was asked to speak at our Wednesday night church service a while back so I talked on that very subject and for me the solution was to Remember the Sabbath. My thought is that if our minds are always so filled with the busy-ness of life that we can't possible see our many blessings. I believe that God gave us that commandment b/c he new how busy we would become and that it would be necessary to rest our spirits. In my talk, I equated this to a broken arm. When we break an arm, we put a cast on it and rest it. When we get seriously physically ill, we rest and get well. It's the same thing - we have to rest our spirit to keep it well.
I have learned to slow down. Career is no longer high on my priority list. Yes, we have had to make some pretty major sacrifices but it was worth it. I have my parents plus in-laws and 2 DDs that I am sandwiched with. After putting the career further down and taking the time to focus on my emotional well-being, I am a much happier and physically healthier person.
You may need to seek some help in this. I tried psychologists but that didn't help me. My help came from a Bible Study group I was in. It was older working woman that had recently been through this that helped the most. They offered a shoulder, a hug, and many words of wisdom. The people on this board gave me alot of support as well - I was so stressed that I doubted every little move I made with DD. They gave me alot and helped to boost my self-confidence.
P.S. gardening is a wonderful immediate stress reliever for me - pulling weeds is a very destructive behavior that lets me get out my anger with a positive result.
Thanks to everyone for your empathy and your good advice. I know that alot of us go through the same stuff on a daily basis. I just see myself hitting a sort of threshhold or limit lately, you know? Like its just too much all of a sudden. I pick myself up and try to deal with stuff all day long and for some reason lately I've just been at the point where I want to give up on everything. I'm short with people, irritable, tired all the time, suffering from headaches and stuff is piling up around me as I just say to heck with it all...
I agree I need to make some time for myself and I will. I start a weeklong vacation from work this week and I look forward to just doing things at my own pace and adding some "me" time. I really can't cut any further on my "career" given I am and have been the major wage-earner in the household for years. My husband just finally got employed and while I see some relief in the future, things are still pretty hard financially. If I cut back, we don't eat... And as for turning to my faith I agree it had given me some comfort in the past. But I found after a while as I listened to the priest sermonize all he did was stress me out more. I'd be fine if they stuck to the service and shut up about all the political crap and guilt trips...but that's another thread...
Anyway thanks for the ear guys and I hope all of us find a way to deal with this...
Probably one of the best days of my adult life have been during periods of major, major stress (excluding the birth of my kids). It was the first full day of 1st grade for my oldest DD. My youngest was 3 months old. I took the day off from work, put oldest on the bus to school and took youngest to preschool - just like any other morning. OLdest DD thought I was going to work like normal but I went to my mom's cabin and sat on the deck and read a book and drank some wine and watched the river roll by. Memories of that day got me through alot of rough days. The only person that knew where I was my mom and then only b/c I had to get the key to the house from her. It was like being a kid and playing hooky from school. A little me time does wonders for a body.
I understand what you are saying about church. Our last pastor tended to put a little too much politics into things. My denomination does very little with guilt though. You can turn to your faith outside of church though - just take a very short walk with God on a daily basis. That makes a world of difference for me.
Good Luck and hope you enjoy your time off and that very precious me time!!
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