How do you feel about your childs boy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
How do you feel about your childs boy...
12
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 10:47am

How do you feel about your childs boyfriend/girlfriend?

I love him/her! They're practically family
he/she is a good kid
We're friendly but not that close. Good kid
Indifferent
I don't know what my child sees in him/her
I wish they weren't dating

You will be able to change your vote.




Edited 2/3/2007 10:48 am ET by fss23

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 10:57am

I'm new to the board so Hi to all of you.

I post the first vote for "I don't know what my child sees in him/her". My daughter is 15 and her boyfriend is 17 and well he has the reputation of being a playboy. I honestly don't know why my daughter is still dating him. My daughter is a good girl and also unfortunately a little naive. She says she wants to wait until marriage to have sex and so far her boyfriend says that he supports her, but consdering that most teens who say they want to wait end up breaking their promise I'm scared she'll end up losing her virginity to him and get marked off his list, so to speak.

Im not sure if her father has something to do with this. He's also a playboy, which is why I divorced him. I was a young girl in my early twenties when we got married. He was a playboy then too but I felt that I was "the one" and could change him. Well 10 yrs later I finally smelled the coffee and realized that he probably was never going to change. I would hate to history repeat itself with my daughter. I read somewhere that girls marry guys like their fathers. Gosh I hope thats not true with my daughter!!! Not that she's getting married anytime soon, but I don't like her dating playboys or bad boys.

I've tried to talk to her about this but that results in the usual fight in which she gets angry at me for liking her boyfriend, which I don't. But I guess I can't lock her in her room. The best thing I can do I guess is hope for the best and be there for her if she ever needs me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 11:39am

I'm going to start out by saying I certainly hope my DIL isn't writing your post in 10-20 years. She and my DS (actually a long term foster son who has been adopted by our family) have been married for a year now, and I think in the past 2 years he's been faithful - but prior to that he cheated on her at least twice that I know of, and probably more that I don't know of. Before he came to our family, he was crudely referred to as "the town bicycle" by a lot of the teens in town - everyone has gone for a ride. DIL is a very conservative gal and I think she feels she can keep him from cheating if she keeps him on a short enough leash - though I don't know that she's aware of his cheating on her - just when he's cheated on other g/fs.

I didn't think of DIL when I voted though, I was thinking of my DD 15's b/f - seems like a good kid in spite of having a hard life and treats my DD very well. DD is relatively new to dating, but I also have 3 older DSs. I've loved some of their g/fs, and absolutely dispised others. The kids are going to date who they date, irregardless of whether we like them or not, they just tend to go more "underground" with their activities when we make our dislike of their choises too strongly known.

No matter how much you try, DD isn't going to learn from your mistakes, she's going to have to make her own. I know history seems to be repeating itself, but I don't know what you can do to keep her from repeating your mistakes - If I knew that, I'd have been able to keep my DSs from making some of the same mistakes that I did. I suppose all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces in the aftermath.
Rose

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 12:50pm

I voted, "I love him/her! They're practically family" When they first started dating, I definitely didn't feel that way - I thought he was a playboy and she was just part of the "freshman list" None of dd's friends wanted them to date (they had all had crushes on him at some point of their lives and I guess had played them all at some point or another). When they first met - he was kinda playing her and another girl from a different school. I say playing, but I guess in all actuality, he was deciding what he wanted as he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship that ended badly. I saw it as playing at the time...

Since then dd has put this poor guy through hell and he has stuck with her like glue. He sure hasn't been perfect, he's made some mistakes, but he learns from them and builds on it. He has definitely gotten dd at her worst (all of her injuries, her mono, and her dad being deployed) but he has been such a source of energy and support for her to get through all those things. I don't think I could have gotten through Christmas with my dh being deployed had bf not been in "our" lives.

He's been a huge role model for dd, to where my child is actually talking seriously about college. She is currently taking an honors English class!! Never in a million years did I think that would happen. This is a first. When she first was injured, he wouldn't let her walk and came over and babied and spoiled her. When dd was going through physical therapy, he would workout the exercises with her (he actually wants to go to college to be a sports trainer). He actually shows a huge interest in her life and writes her the most beautiful notes and poems.

Haha if I have a gripe about him, it's that he never pays for anything...I think they have gone to one movie that he paid for everything and he paid for her homecoming ticket lol, other than that it's been all dd....

All in all, I wish dd met this boy 10 years from now!!




Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 1:16pm

DS14 has yet to have one.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 1:27pm

I found myself looking for all the negatives with DS1's first GF and had to work to set myself straight. I felt 'replaced'- no doubt about it! She wasnt quite what I imagined but I finally got it through my thick skull that this was HIS choice, not mine!

DS2 was easier. I think I had the experience under my belt and we are not quite as in tune and close as I was with DS1 so the replacement factor was less

So, I almost marked 'indifferent'. In a way, I think we should strive to be indifferent. But the word seems callous so I didn't.

Still, there is some merit in staying detached IMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 6:23pm
You need to include 'other' - not everyone's child currently has a bf/gf.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 9:12pm

I'm confused as to my choices.
My DD has two types of boyfriends.
Those that are tolerated, and those that neede to be eliminated....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 10:21am
ROFL daddioe - it must take quite a boy to raise to the ranks of being 'tolerated'!!


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:35am

You felt replaced? Honestly why would feel that way? You're still his mom?

Man this talk of being replaced is now scaring me!! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:55am

You mentioned you were thinking about your daughters boyfriend when you voted. So is your daughters boyfriend also a playboy? are you ok with them dating?

Gosh I wish my daughter would learn from my mistakes. I would hate to see her go through what I have.

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