How do you full time working moms do it?
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How do you full time working moms do it?
| Mon, 04-09-2007 - 2:47pm |
It's getting to the point where I am going to have to seriously consider full time work.
| Mon, 04-09-2007 - 2:47pm |
It's getting to the point where I am going to have to seriously consider full time work.
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I have always worked more or less f.t., although my average is more like 32 hrs. a week, which doesn't include travel time. If I am at the office, it takes me 30-45 mins. to get to work depending on traffic & time I leave. When I got divorced, I had a 7 & 1 yr. old. That was really great. It was actually easier to have a kid in daycare than in school, because daycare went to 5:00 or 6:00 and they didn't have all these random days off, like for teacher's meetings, 1/2 days for parent-teacher confs., etc. My DD got stuck in all the after school programs, camp, etc.
I was lucky in that our elem. school, which is w/in walking distance from my house, has both before & after school programs right there. The school started late, at 9:15. I could go into work late, but when I had to be in court by 9:00, I had to send them to before school. I even sent my DD to after school when she was in jr. high. I have done less w/ my Ds, because he has the 2 older girls (now including DSd) to watch him. So he hasn't had to go to after school.
We also have a town run camp which runs all summer. Last yr., DS didn't want to go. My DSD didn't have a job, so he was never alone in the house, but I think by the end of the summer, they were really sick of each other and it kind of ruined their previous friendship. She didn't really watch him, spent most of the time in her room on the computer, so he is looking forward to going at least a few weeks this summer and he knows more friends who will be there. They go to the beach, do sports and games, etc.
We just have been lucky that our kids have never gotten in trouble when they were home alone. Even when my DD was about 12 and she didn't want to go to camp and had gotten too old, she would be home alone (cause I didn't want her watching DS, who was in his private kindergarten's summer program) and would even invite her friends over, and she never did anything wrong. Then DH was out of work injured, so I think he was actually home w/ the kids for 2 summers. Yeah, he would be complaining of boredom, while I had to go to work every day in the summer, which I love & he hates. I had no sympathy at all.
I think the worst ages are when the kids are too old for summer camp or daycare but too young to get a job. That's when you have to be kind of creative so they won't be really bored. I remember being able to get a job in the library when I was 15 and when I was 14, I volunteered on a political campaign and had a great time.
I've always worked full time (been a single mom since the boys were 5 and 1). I do it, but "do it well"??? LOL, there might be some discussion in town over that one. Musiclover is right, it was sooooo much easier when they were all in daycare, I didn't have to worry about what they were into. Ds20 stayed in daycare until he was 12. omg, by that age, he HATED it. :) I took ds15 out when he was 11--but he had the benefit of an older brother at home with him. Of course, I worried about them killing each other before I got home. LOL
For me, the toughest time was up until they were in 7th grade and started having after-school sports practices. Up until then, I just threatened them with their lives. Actually, if I remember right, I threatened them with a babysitter. As in, if you can't stay out of trouble, I WILL hire a babysitter to come stay with you. And, honestly, they did really well. I think, depending on the kid, given the chance to prove themselves, they will step up. Mine did, anyway. Not to say there wasn't the occasional "problem", but nothing earth-shattering.
Summer was always tough. We didn't have any kind of camp, etc. that they could go to. Not that I could afford anyway. I got a membership at our local pool and they hung out there mostly. As soon as they were old enough, I paid them to clean my house etc. just to keep them busy for a few hours every day. Plus, I let them sleep until they woke up (which was usually noon)! I figured the more they slept the day away, the less time they would have to cause mischief! As an added bonus, we are in a small town were everybody knows everybody and the boys knew if they messed up, *someone* would tell me. And they knew that from experience. :)
Now that ds15 will be 16 the end of May, he *will* be working during the summers.
I have always worked full time or more - sometimes as much as 45 or 50 hours a week, since J was born 22 years ago. The other posters are right, life was easier when the kids were in day care, but once they got too old for that, the boys had yard work jobs that usually took them a couple of days a week, and Nicki babysat a couple of afternoons a week for a friend of mine so she could do the yard work while her toddlers slept. I also had them signed up for the public pool where ALL the kids in our small town hang out most of the summer, plus they had a full schedule of baseball, softball, and swim team. I made a habit of going home for lunch at least a couple of days a week, which helped keep track of them, I switched my work hours to 6:30-3ish during the summer, brought work home if I had to so I could be home most of their waking hours - and threatened them within an inch of their lives if they got into trouble. For the most part, I really didn't have too many problems. It also helps that we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, and many of our neighbors are retired and keep track of the kids in the neighborhood when they know the parents are working, and report back if they spot any problems. The thing that I always had the most trouble with when the kids were at home and I was at work was keeping up on the housework. They could trash the house in record time - so I devised a system of a job board - before I left for work in the morning, I'd assign a job to each of them, which was to be done before I got home from work. If they didn't do their job, they lost 1/5 of their allowance for the week.
I'm really glad I'm done with those days - if the boys can't stay out of trouble on their own by now (the youngest is 19 now) that's their problem. And N has a job 4 days a week, she helps her best friend babysit her younger sibs while her mom is sleeping (mom works full time nights)... the only fear I have for this summer is if her b/f doesn't find a summer job - that could mean way too much alone time for my taste, but we'll see. I know he's seriously looking for something at least 30 hours a week for the summer.
Rose
Hi Marie - I work 30-32 hours a week over four days. I've been lucky with my 7yo - in kindergarten a neighbor picked him up and kept him until I got home. Last year and this year he goes to the afterschool at the Y - it's not a perfect program, but they pick up from school and are open until 6:30. Our school has an extended day program, but it's not quite as comprehensive as the Y. My son is also sort of a homebody, but he loves this program.
My DD15 has usually been able to stay out of trouble between when she gets home from school and when I get home - mostly she does her homework, so we have time to hangout when I get in.
Summers are usually a bit of a jigsaw puzzle. One camp near us starts the day after school ends (yay!), but many camps don't start until a few days later.
In my experience, working moms do some combination of taking time off, leaning on friends, and finding stuff for kids to do. I'm lucky that I have an office where I can bring my kids from time to time. Today, my DS7 came with me - he watched two DVDs, played on the computers, read a little, and helped me a little.
HTH - I've worked full time, been a SAHM, been a WAHM, and now a mostly full time WOHM - whatever you do, you get frazzled! LOL
Sue
Until ds was 12, I only worked 3 or 4 days/week (now I work a minimum of 45 hours/week - they'll take all the extra time you can give them - no comp time, no extra pay). In summers, he went from camp to camp to camp, and it was always this mad dash in January and February to get him into worthwhile stuff (read that $$$, and camp hours never coincide with work hours).
Starting last summer (now a freshman) he chose to take summer school, so that fills his time from 7:30am-1pm daily, and comes home to do homework. That's 6 weeks; he's in a glassblowing camp for a week prior to that, and after that we go on vacation for a quick week, then he hopes to be a 'summer intern' at a facility that holds classes for kids in K-8th on clay and glass (and metalworking and other things, but those are the 2 he likes). That goes from 8:45-3:45; I just have to get him there (which is a hassle). And for doing that (no pay) he can take a teen camp after the kids' time til 5:30, so if he gets it, it's long days for him, but right up his alley.
It's NOT easy. But it's doable. He's never really known differently so it is what he's used to.
Sue
I agree with the others that it was easier when DS13 was young enough for day care or day camp in the summer. There aren't a lot of option after 12 or 13 years old. Yet, from everything I've read and heard, those teen years are ones that seem to need the MOST supervision. Just ask my neighbor, whose teen daughter became a mom when no one was at home in the day to keep her from inviting her boyfriend over after school.
As for me, I've always been anal about finding stuff for my son. I pore over the internet starting in January (or earlier) for summer activities. This summer is challenging because DS is applying to an internship type deal for 3 weeks... and a 2 week-residential, invitation only science camp. We don't find out about either one until late April early May. By then, most of the other cool things are already booked. Summer is the worst. It's so expensive! One summer I hired a college guy to keep my son and boys from two other families who shared the cost. I made out a schedule of activities each week and they used our house for the main spot. This was GREAT but it's hard to find someone you can trust, much less others to participate.
I told DS that if he would do volunteer work (zoo, library, etc) for a good part of the summer, then we could afford to send him to a really neat sleep away camp he wants to attend. That was a good motivator. Like others, he's never had an entire summer off, so he doesn't no much better.
Funny. Some friends with SAHMs often talk about how bored the kids get during the summer. They say they never do anything or go anywhere. Just sit in the house and play computer, cuz it's too hot outside (Texas!) On different years DS has gone to to video camp, computer camp, water sports camp, scout camp, the pool, other cities (with me while I worked), stayed with his grandma, took classes at the local science museum or zoo. A few day-care programs take kids to 14... tho DS hates it now. Sometimes he has to hang at my office. Whew. Can't say DS isn't well-rounded!
I've found lots of persistent browsing on the web has turned up all kinds of things I didn't know about. And many offer scholarships, if needed.
I'll agree with others. It's a pain in the butt, but it is doable.
I've always worked full time. So I've balanced this all of their lives. The hardest part is always the summer. The rest of the year there are routines that are followed and the kids' schools are a walk away so with some planning everything works out.
For me, I admit, I had some family support for the summers. I always scheduled the majority of my vacation weeks during the summer and my husband would book some time himself and on weeks we had to work, they would stay with grandparents. We'd alternate between sets of grandparents so that neither felt too imposed upon. As they got older (my dd is almost 16 and son almost 12) they could spend more days on their own. Last summer this happened quite alot. They had rules and limits on what they were allowed to do on days they had no supervision and I stayed in touch with them via IM's and phone. Also the neighbours knew the kids were on their own and kept a watchful eye.
The key to working full time as a mom is having a workplace that is flexible about the demands of a schedule with a family. I can come in at 9 at my workplace in order to ensure the kids are up and off to school. They are also okay if I leave early for a school function if required. I admit my bosses are a little less flexible on sick days for the kids but this is less of an issue now than when they were smaller. Then it meant I had to either use one of my sick days or make up the hours later. That was harder because sometimes it meant finding someone to care for a sick child while I was at work. That shouldn't be so bad with older kids.
Dealing with this issue up front in the process of finding a job is the key to making this happen. Finding out how potential employers feel about flexible hours and working arrangements is important.
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That's one of the reasons I quit my last full-time job, seven years ago. DS23 (when he was 16) was getting pretty heavy with his gf and I was concerned about what they'd be doing after school, even if his younger brother was at home. Many other factors played into my decision to quit, but that was one.
I gradually got back into working so that I'm now working 20-30 hrs/wk, with only DS17 left at home with me. Family life was much better for us with my working only part time when DH was traveling a lot for work. We ate more healthfully, exercised more and had more pleasant time together. Right now I feel like I'm back at full time with the transitions of DS17 getting ready for college here in MI, worrying about my lonely, 89 yo mom alone in WI, and selling our house in MI and finding one in VA so that I can join DH there. Spending hours doing the part-year resident state taxes isn't fun, either. I, too, don't know how all the full-time moms with several kids can do it. Looking back at my 30s and early 40s, I don't know how I ever did it--going to school, working, kids. My 54 yo retired sister and I (51) joke about the fact that, even though we have less to do, we still feel overwhelmed all the time.
For two summers when I was working full time we got college students to stay with the boys because they wanted to spend their time with friends in the neighborhood. They didn't like having a sitter (the older DS was 11-12) but it worked out okay. We also signed them up for camps for 1-2 weeks in summer. The before/after school program here was not the best, as it was not in the same school building, but it sufficed. They stayed home after school alone since the older one was 11 or 12. He was pretty responsible.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
DD17 was my biggest worry. At 11 I was hard pressed to find an afterschool daycare for either of my girls, so instead I tried to get them into afterschool programs. Most of the schools around here have some type of afterschool program for older kids - too old for daycare but too young to be home alone. Most sports programs are immediately following the school day, as are Drama classes for those involved in the Arts. Another option is to make contact with another parent in your son's age group and see if there is some type of cooperative afterschool program run by parents in town where the kids take turns spending after school hours at one another's homes.
At 15 and 11, my dds' were able to work for the town's Parks and Rec department - we had a summer camp in town and most of the kids ages 11-15 did volunteer work and were eventually employed by the town every summer. One year my dd volunteered at the day camp and then she got hired the following year, took her first aid and CPR class, and the following year she was a swim instructor's assistant! My younger dd volunteered as a day camp counselor for 2 years in a row. Also, up until they were 14 they each went to overnight camp for two weeks each summer. I also asked friends and family to help me out by taking them a week at a time, during the day. I supplied meals and snacks and they got to spend time with others and have fun - I tried to mix up their summers as much as possible. Technically, your 17 should be able to help you out a lot at this point. I don't know what he/she is doing with their time afterschool or in the summer, but I would create an incentive for him/her to help out.
Good luck with your new job - and you will see, everything has a way of falling into place and working out.
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