HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH OTHER PAREN

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH OTHER PAREN
10
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 10:21pm
Wow, everybody made me see--the old give a party and have the parents have coffee and gab in another rooom is over by age 15. My friend has a sixteen yr old dd and she goes to a new high school in their same community and my friend said she doesn't get to meet the moms!!!! Are those days over all ready. I can make friends with people who have my own interests, but those people are in New York City. We are not far from there. But I wanted to get friendly with the moms at the school as I did back home. Alo, my interests are more fitting with New York. I'm active in drama--and the Broadway theatre is in New York, writers, film, the arts... That's what you find in the city. I was just wondering how you would make new friends in your area. It's different if you had just moved there with teens. In my old town, even if our kids stopped being friends, we moms still stayed friends. But I don't know how moms of teens become friends when the kids go to a school which takes kids from sixty spread out towns. We don't have one person in our neighborhood where the kids go to our school. Thanks for your thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 12:40am

Hi Sunny,


I stopped meeting/making friends with other parents (through my kids) once they went to jr. high.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 7:41am
Wow--thanks for your honest response. I've heard that a few times now. So, I guess I better face reality. My teens really don't want me with them anyway a lot of the time. They are spreading their wings. I don't like that all my friends are back in the old town I moved from or in New York City and have to do with my work and interests. I think it would be hard for me to live in an area where I don't have friends, which is what it is like in a new town for me. But at least now I don't have unrealistic expectations. I like coming to this site. But to be honest, I find I hold back from becoming friendly even though the moms seem like people I'd like to be friendly with because then I would feel guilty telling my dds problems and challenges. I don't discuss their problems with many people in real life--just a few very close friends. I don't think it's fair to the kids, as it would embarrass them to no end. Also, if you are having a problem, then other moms are reluctant for your kids to hang out with their kids. For example, if you say my dd didn't finish her summer reading or strudy for a test, a mom's antenna goes up and thinks to herself, I want my dd to be around kids that have better study habits. But I reallly do count on the moms on this board for honest, helpful feedback. They've been great! It's so valuable to me as a mother and I really enjoy talking to the other moms. I feel they are so honest and supportive. Thanks so much for your response!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 8:15am

I've made a lot of friends of parents in the school by way of volunteering. Since you like the arts, what about volunteering to help with the HS drama department? Get involved with the school's Music boosters? or even get involved with your local community theater. Sure it's not the same scale as you would find in NYC, but it is something that will allow you to find folks in your own community with similiar interests.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 8:40am

Hi Stacy,

Thanks for your response. I'm glad to hear you were successful making friends by volunteering at the school and in the community. I did sign up for three groups at the school. So, I'm hoping that will be fruitful. This is where I have to choose motherhood over the career--which we all do one way or the other. I work in the arts from home and a lot of my networking is with people in the arts on a national level. It's a great opportunity for me. So, back in my old town I didn't volunteer that much for arts organizations in town because I could work with shows on Broadway, etc. and this was helpful for my career. But back home I made friends with moms just playdating etc. That isn't going to happen with teens. Also, my school at home was mostly made up of kids from a few towns and we all lived near each other. These kids live in tons of towns so far away, the moms and I wouldn't drive to see each other anyway. So, I think the only way I'll be friends with moms at the new school is volunteering. I need surgery on my leg now. It is causing me to limp. I hope this doesn't embarrass my kids at the new school. At the old school and in New York art clubs and organizations, the people have known me for years and therefore of course accept me with extra weight or a limp, whatever. But that may not be the case in a new area. I'll just have to give it my best shot. I've gotten friendly with people I've met so far here. But there is no glue motivating us to get together. I think if I am with women who have the same interests that will help. Also, I'm going to have to cut my work load. I'm committed on art projects in New York until the middle of October. After that it's going to have to be bye, bye New York, hello new "hometown" Thanks for your advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 9:19am
It is hard making new friends once your kids are older--even by the time they're in middle school. You just can't depend on becoming friendly with their friends' parents anymore. Is there a neighborhood book group you could join? I think that the best way to form new friendships is through work--either paid work or volunteer. It seems that seeing people on a regular basis and working together on a shared goal is the best way to build relationships. Are your kids involved in any sports or activities at their school that require parent involvement? My kids are in the marching band, and that is such a big time commitment--and such a group effort--for the kids as well as the parents, that after 6 years of living in this town, I've finally started to make some friends through that. Hang in there. I have moved a number of times and this last move was definitely the hardest!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 9:21am
Volunteering at school was a good idea - even high school needs some volunteers, especially if your kids are involved in sports/music/etc.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 10:34am

I don't have *alot* of friends - between work and family time, my days are busy. But I do have some friends from our Temple and in the neighborhood. It's taken time, but if you put out the effort, you'll find other people.

Don't take this the wrong way, but saying all your interests and real friends are actually in New York will not be a good way to break the ice. Be open to other people and their interests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 11:04am

Hi Sunny,

We've been in our home for just about two months now, and although we are in a small 12 home development vs a large townhome community, I face the same challenges as you and I'll share with you what I am planning to do in the next couple weeks ...

Hold an open house and invite everyone in the neighborhood. We are all on 'waving' status but I've really only met 2-3 ladies. DH has met nearly all the men at the homeowners meetings and the kids have pretty much met all the other kids.

If you tried something like a 2 hour open house, people could come by and introduce themselves, have a snack, chat a bit and then leave when they feel comfortable. Since your home is smaller this may actually work better for you and although you seem to be a very friendly and welcoming person, some people may be hesitant to come and hang out at a 'party' for a set period of time with someone they are only just meeting.

This way too, you will be able to get a 'feel' for those who may be kindred spirits and could then invite them back for a cup of coffee during the day when the kids are all in school.

For me, I've observed enough here to think that I probably won't make many close friendships of my immediate neighbors. I am however, joining a Bible study that starts here in a couple weeks (an interdenominational study) and will hopefully make some connections there.

I am taking it far more slowly this time around. I literally threw myself and my kids to a ton of activities right off the bat at our last move and while it didn't fall flat completely, it sure wasn't the success I'd hoped it to be.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Julie




Edited 9/2/2007 11:06 am ET by hydrangea_blue

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 12:03am

Thanks for your response. Yes, I have to grow up with my children. Meeting other parents was easy when they were younger. But now, I'm on my own again. I had lots of friends before they were born, so I'll just do it my way again. I think your advice is good. I do most of my volunteer work in NYC where it is very good for networking in my creer and gives me a chance to meet fascinating people. That was fine when I lived in my old town because I had lots of Moms there to fill the need to be with other parents. My energy is limited. So, I am going to have to cut back on my NYC activities, ironically now that I'm living close to it. But I want to get friendly with moms in my area-so that means volunteering at the school and in the town. It will be worth it, as it will help me bring up my dds. I only have them home three more years if I'm lucky and they don't go to boarding school

Thanks for your advice! Sunny

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 10:21am

I have exactly three women friends that I socialize with in my town. When my girls were younger I 'knew' more moms, but we didn't really socialize too much outside of yakking during soccer or basketball games, you know?

Is there a small playhouse in or near your new town? Perhaps inquiring at Town Hall or your local Rec Center can help put you in touch with a local company. I was surprised to see in our small little town that we had TWO! One was a drama club for near anyone and another was called the Axe Factory Players because their location was inside an old Axe Factory.

Another option would be to take a yoga or kickboxing class or join a gym. Or, you can seek out a book club at your local library and join a few meetings to see if you click with any of the others. Many towns have a "newcomers club" and they post meeting dates and times in the local paper.

I like the idea of volunteering at the school, however, older teens typically do not love the idea of mom hanging around their turf so much. I'd probably steer away from that myself, however, I did host a teachers seminar once when my 17dd was in junior high because she has special needs and I discovered that many of the teachers were not up to date on all the info. It was fun organizing it and it enabled me to get to know some of the teachers a little bit better.

I hope you find a way to 'get out there' and meet some new folks!