How to fix the "mean cool kid" syndrome

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
How to fix the "mean cool kid" syndrome
9
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 4:34pm

DS and his friends think they are the "cool" kids at their school. (Not they necessarily are, but they think they are.)

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 4:48pm
I think that your son needs to learn how bad it feels when someone does something mean to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 5:41pm
I don't think punishing him will work, or forcing him to apologize. He'll just stop talking about it in front of you. Sounds like he needs a little empathy. I don't know how that gets taught at this age, isn't it funny that they had more when they were younger? Maybe have him volunteer for the Special Olympics? Let me know if you figure it out. My daughter was definitely one of the weird ones in mid school, now at HS and at an arts school she is a "cool kid". And often complains about how "annoying" some of the other kids are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 7:27pm

I'm not sure how you fix "I'm too cool for my own good" right now, but I can pretty much guarentee he'll be knocked down to size next year in hs.

Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 7:34pm
I agree with Rose and the others about punishment for this behavior not being the best course of action.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 7:50pm
I agree with the others - hopefullyl he'll
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 9:23pm

I don't believe that all middle school "cool kids" get knocked down to size in high school.

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 9:58pm

Right now I am reading the book "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 10:28pm

I think you can help him develop empathy. As someone suggested, doing volunteer work. I recommend the disabled over a soup kitchen as it is easier to 'blame' the downtrodden whereas those in wheelchairs or with Down Syndrome tend to garner empathy from most

Even something like watching, with him, the TV show where they build houses for people in need-often disabled or caring for the disabled-would be helpful in showing and discussing empathy

And, watch yourself! There was a mom on another board who commented her dd was better suited to babysit than a friend because her grades were higher. She was called on it and apologized, saying she doesnt even know where that came from!!! Honestly, I think we ALL do that at some time or another.

It's judgmental, after all, and the less we do it, the better IMO. Nothing wrong with keeping your kid from the kid who sells pot behind the high school but when we discourage them from seeing the girl who gets Cs or the boy who doesnt 'do anything' with extracurriculars, we send a powerful message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 10:49pm

"Its really hard to teach these sorts of lessons to kids esp when they get rewarded for their behaviour in some way. Some never learn and turn into adults who treat people who are "different" with disdain. I'd say keep talking to him and when you hear him talk about someone this way or something point out what is wrong with it and how it might be hurting them. MAYBE it will sink in at some point..."

Well-said, I like your post. It is sad, isnt' it, when it carries into adulthood?

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