how to handle this one
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how to handle this one
| Mon, 07-16-2007 - 5:28pm |
ds's best friend went on this trip to oc nj and the best friend was arrested for shop lifting. when ds came home, he told me about it and also told his gf.. he also told us not to say anything cuz the best friend did not want anyone else to know and would think that we would think less of him...well, it got back to him...my dd asked him about it cuz she heard ds tell me but did not hear the part about not saying anything...gf further told two other friends and it got back hard to him and now he is really upset and also upset w/my ds that is denying he said anything to me. he wants me to tell him if asked that i did not know about it. this boy calls me mom and would be upset if he knew i knew...do i cover ds's butt and say i did not know ...but he did tell his gf and he can't deny that one.

Your son had promised his friend he would not say anything and he did. I can understand your son saying something to you but why did he gossip to his girlfriend? Of course the friend is upset. He made an error in judgment. His arrest is an issue for his parents to deal with,not a subject of gossip.
Also, why did you son relay such sensitive information in front of his sister or where others in your family can hear? If he felt that he needed to tell you, it should have done in confidence, away from prying ears. If your DD said something, it is obvious that your son talked and that you know.
Your son should not compound the issue by lying about it (or getting you to lie) but should apologize for not being trust worthy enough to keep a confidence. In the future, that friend will be careful about what he tells your son. That's a pity.
If I were you, I would immediately have a chat with your son. Discuss with the him the concept of keeping a confidence. Impress on him when (life in danger, illegal or dangerous activity....) and to whom he should betray a confidence and why? As I wrote, I understand why you should have been told. You, as his parent,have a right to know about the character of the kids he is friends with. But that's where it stops.
If the topic comes up with the boy, assure him that you know that kids sometimes do things that they should not. You hope that he has learnt his lesson and will never steal again.
You still care about him and that your son told you because he was concerned.
"This is between you and DS. You two will have to work it out"
That would be my answer. I would not lie to cover and that would be my 'out'. With my current age and experience, I would know what was up if someone said that to me. Dont know if the friend will read between the lines or not but it wouldnt be my problem. DS made his own bed on this one!
I fully understand why your DS told you about the shoplifting.... my DS did essentially the same thing when he was 19 in betraying a confidence by telling it to me.
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