how hard to encourage (push) kids
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how hard to encourage (push) kids
| Fri, 09-14-2007 - 1:10pm |
I have a son who just started high school.
| Fri, 09-14-2007 - 1:10pm |
I have a son who just started high school.
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I know exactly what you are saying and feeling!!!
This is something I have struggled with as well.
momof2greatkids
You said it well. Yes, I can tell you from my 19 and 22 yr old that there is resentment for what they perceive as 'pushing'. It doesnt matter what mom and dad convince themselves it is when, to the child, it comes across as lack of satisfaction and, in that vein, lack of love.
When they leave home, you miss baking cookies together, not proof reading their English paper for the third time
Make cookies!
I must agree w/ everyone else that I wouldn't push too much.
Dh and I were just discussing this very situation
I am so thankful for all your responses!
As long as you aren't pushing him to get his work done (that's our story), I don't think that I would push for all A's.
When my DS18 was a senior in HS, I often asked what tests/quizzes were coming up and how he was doing in his classes. He got all As/Bs, but then stds have slackened so much since when we were in school, that 60% of his graduating class probably had at least a 3.3 out of 4.0. I always told him how I studied a whole lot harder in HS than he was studying; and I'd say, "The more you do now, the easier things will be for you in college when you get the really tough classes." I never really said that we expected As, but at one point I do think we offered a bonus if he could pull his grades up.
So far in college he's doing well, and of course I only ask once a week rather than daily how he's doing gradewise.
With kids who are not particularly self-motivated, when they're in HS, I think we need to question them and talk about how studying now affects their futures. Some kids can be totally independent in HS, managing their time very well with no input from us parents,and some cannot. With those who need help, we have to try talking without nagging--gentle persuasion. That's a little different than pushing.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I'm a mom with an almost-empty nest.... 3 of my 4 kids are adults and have left home.
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