how hard to encourage (push) kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
how hard to encourage (push) kids
11
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 1:10pm

I have a son who just started high school.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 2:08pm

I know exactly what you are saying and feeling!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-1999
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 2:59pm

This is something I have struggled with as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 3:09pm

momof2greatkids

You said it well. Yes, I can tell you from my 19 and 22 yr old that there is resentment for what they perceive as 'pushing'. It doesnt matter what mom and dad convince themselves it is when, to the child, it comes across as lack of satisfaction and, in that vein, lack of love.

When they leave home, you miss baking cookies together, not proof reading their English paper for the third time

Make cookies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 3:41pm

I must agree w/ everyone else that I wouldn't push too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 4:38pm

Dh and I were just discussing this very situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 8:48am

I am so thankful for all your responses!

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 8:56am

As long as you aren't pushing him to get his work done (that's our story), I don't think that I would push for all A's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 11:15pm
It sounds like you are doing your best to be a good parent ,and I think your son will thank you as long as he is not stressed out by being encouraged.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 12:14am

When my DS18 was a senior in HS, I often asked what tests/quizzes were coming up and how he was doing in his classes. He got all As/Bs, but then stds have slackened so much since when we were in school, that 60% of his graduating class probably had at least a 3.3 out of 4.0. I always told him how I studied a whole lot harder in HS than he was studying; and I'd say, "The more you do now, the easier things will be for you in college when you get the really tough classes." I never really said that we expected As, but at one point I do think we offered a bonus if he could pull his grades up.

So far in college he's doing well, and of course I only ask once a week rather than daily how he's doing gradewise.

With kids who are not particularly self-motivated, when they're in HS, I think we need to question them and talk about how studying now affects their futures. Some kids can be totally independent in HS, managing their time very well with no input from us parents,and some cannot. With those who need help, we have to try talking without nagging--gentle persuasion. That's a little different than pushing.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:06am

I'm a mom with an almost-empty nest.... 3 of my 4 kids are adults and have left home.

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