how hard to encourage (push) kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
how hard to encourage (push) kids
11
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 1:10pm

I have a son who just started high school.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:33pm

I have not read any of the other posts so if I am being repetitive, I apologize!


My oldest son is a senior - prior to high school he never had a grade below a B and that was only one. I stopped reminding him of his homework in 5th grade because it occured to me that he did not have to worry about his homework because I was doing the worrying for him. I think most adolescents give aroun 70 - 80% and I think as long as they are in honors or challanging classes it is fine. Colleges know how teenagers are developmentally. I can also tell you my friend's son is a freshman at Syracuse and the thing they asked him about most was his summer volunteering with a non profit. I think focusing on him doing his best and letting him learn some hard lessons is a good way to go. Don't let him get to the point of no return where he cannot dig himself but he neds to learn to be responsible.


Personally, I think we as parents spend way too much time telling our kids what they need to get into the college of their dreams. We are constantly telling them to do this or that to have the perfect resume - not really a good practice but it is the temperature of our society right now. When your relationship is based on him not doing enough at school you run the risk of making him feel like he can never be or do enough to please you.


I have had to learn the hard way - our job is not to smooth the road for our adolescent children. They don't learn the skills they need to be successful adults if we solve all their struggles for them. As adults we need to also talk to them about our own tough choices and share places where we don't succeed. Life is not a success only journey - but kids see it that way. Crashing and burning builds resiliency and stick-to-it-tive-ness. They don't need pushing as teengers - they simply need wisdom and love. The most successful adults were adolecents that had high levels of support and high level of challenge. If you guided him in his courses let him do his work and go from there. DO set high expectations - but let him build his own bridge!


As for your "there you said it" paragraph - don't let fear mandate how you parent. We all have those moments - absolutely unavpoidable. Your son will be fine whether he goes to community college, takes time off, right into a four year college or any other choice the world has to offer. I graduated from college at 38 years old - we all have our own path and most of the time it is a curvy one. Trust that he will end up where he needs to be - no matter what! Reminding him of his gifts will get you both much more than harping on his deficits. Oh - believe me the teen years are challenging but remember the ultimate goal is to create a successful adult & happy human being.


Hope this helps


Courtney

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

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