How long for earning back privileges?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
How long for earning back privileges?
4
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 10:18pm

My dd is grounded right now, 13yo. I am sure some of you have kept up with my posts, she is grounded for lying to us and hiding things from us, late night cell phone and texting on school nights, dropping grades and such. Anyway, she has come clean on lots, admitted she is tired of lying and hiding stuff. We took her cell phone, no pc privileges, no regular phone, we are picking her up from school, she cannot be at home alone even. She is not in school this week because the kids get the whole week for Thanksgiving. Anyway, how long do you think I should do this, or how long for each privilege to earn back?

She has done pretty good. She gets a little irritated when she closes her bedroom door and I make her open it..a couple of smart comments and I quickly remind her of why...and she was none too happy the other day when she had to sit at my workplace instead of being home, again, I reminded her of why she had to be there. The last football game, I told her she could sit with her friends, but if she got up to go the the bathroom or anywhere, to come tell me when she went and when she got back. I kept a close eye, and she did just what I asked. It has been one week today. She is even spending more time with her dad when he is not working out of town, supposedly going hunting with him tommorrow morning. I have told her that if and when she gets her cell back, she will only get it when she is gone, when she comes home she will hand it in, then after that, she will have a certain time she hands it in at night. Thanks to some here for that idea! She is going to have to do some housework for me this week too, we will see how that goes, we have company coming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 7:20am

If it's been a week and she's been doing ok for the most part, I would start giving things back to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 9:55am

Since she's had one really good week so far, I think I'd start giving her privileges back. Maybe a little at a time instead of all at once, though.

Since she has a practice of texting and using her phone after hours, that might be one of the last things to earn back. Or maybe, let her have it during the day, but take it when it's time for her to go to bed.

Sounds like things are improving! I hope it continues to go well for you both.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:24pm

Don't you just hate this! I hated having to play KGB with my own DD.

I usually didn't do much grounding but when I did she was often given the opportunity to work some time off for good behavior. For instance, give her a major chore (window washing, garage cleaning, etc) and if she does it well and w/o complaint, then she may be allowed to go to a movie with a very trusted friend. You will take her and you will pick her up but she's allowed to get out of the house for a few hours w/o your immediate supervision. If that goes well, then try something else a few days later. Make it clear to her that she is slowly earning your trust back.

Good Luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:54pm
Thanks for the responses. I remember when I was a teenager, my mother grounded me when I was 16 until I was 17 yo. I really wasn't grounded that long, but that is what she told me when I got in trouble. She always gave me long groundings! My dd did get up and go hunting w/her dad and she had so much fun and is begging to go tommorrow! I told her that she can talk on the house phone IF she gets the 2 loads of towels folded and the floors vacuumed. Then my husband comes in and says "Whoa, wait a minute, I am not so sure she should be on the phone. Maybe she can accept phone calls but not make them and only use the kitchen phone." I said "Well, that will really work, all of her friends know she is grounded and cannot talk so no one will call." So much for my ideas and opinions! He was going to talk to her and let her stay at home alone a little this afternoon and she is still not supposed to be on the pc and he did not want her on the phone. I had to come back to work, he is off. I don't know, I am having a hard enough time, then he second guesses everything I say! I just love men! HA! Yea right!