How long will this last?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
How long will this last?
6
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:54am
My DD age 13 is in her first relationship. She calls this boy her boyfriend and they are "going out" but have never actually gone anywhere alone. They have gone on a few group outings and have been to each other's home. At this point I know that there has been no kissy stuff (overheard a conversation about that in the car) I'm Ok with the whole thing and I actually like the boy. They have been seeing each other for three months now. I am starting to get worried because I know that at this age things tend not to last very long. Am I right? How long does the average early teen relationship last?
Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 12:35pm

You are right in that these middle school romances rarely last more than a couple weeks - 3 months is quite a long time for this age!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:28pm
Funny that you say attached at the hip, I don't see it that way at all. Both kids are very active in sports and don't have a lot of free time to spend together. Maybe this is why it has lasted as long as it has. As I said I'm not bothered by the relationship, I'm just concerned that the longer it lasts the bigger the heartbreak will be when it ends.
Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:00pm

My 13DD and her bf just broke up after just shy of 1.5 years. They were never allowed to do things outside school--and they were in different school buildings on the same campus so they only got to see each other after school--but they managed to stay bf/gf all that time. (There was the occasional party or other group activity.)

It was surprising to me that it lasted as long as it did, and honestly I think the only reason he broke up with her is because after I busted them at our house after school one day (long story but it happened a couple of times that I know of) DD was on phone restriction from him for one solid month. They didn't get to talk on the phone and only got to see each other for a few minutes after school because DD had to get a ride with another parent to ensure she was where she was supposed to be (which was my office).

Sorry, getting sidetracked. If they are mostly "friends" then I say Way To Go! Too many of the kids in DDs school are all about sexualized behavior. If your DD just enjoys hanging out with her bf maybe it's harmless. My DD seems to be the exception. Many of her friends are "going out with" someone one week and someone else the next. She didn't seem too upset over the breakup and said she was getting bored anyway. Now there's a new guy on the horizon--we'll see.

Good luck!

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 7:57pm

From past experience with my two kids and their friends, three months is a bit long. You're right, most relationships end within a few weeks, if even that long. However, I don't think it's anything about which to be concerned. I know that you are mainly concerned about the heartbreak, but that may be unavoidable, anyway. Another scenario is that both kids may mutually decide to break up and there may not even be a heartbreak. Only time will tell, and unfortunately,there is nothing we, as parents, can do about it.

When they break up, I hope the second scenario is what actually happens.

Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 8:00am

Three months is definitely a long term relationship at this point... my DD 14 currently is "single" but has had probably 4 b/fs this school year, none of them lasting more than a month or so.

Avatar for audreyoka
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 9:43am

I wanted to chime in and share my daughters experiences also. My older daughter had several 2 and 3 week relationships even in high school. Finally in her junior year she got involved in a 2 year relationship. They did break up. They are still friends today (5 years later).

My 16 year old has had two or three BF's and both lasted only 2 weeks or so. I think there was more emotion prior to "going out" then when they broke up.

Both of my kids have/had friends with boyfriends of longer lengths. A boyfriend means something different to each child. My kids both loved being able to hold hands, eat lunch together etc. They tell me that some couples never even speak to each other, never have lunch together etc.

It's my opinion that the key is just to know what's going on. It sounds like everyone here is indeed monitoring time spent together.

Audrey :)
http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com