How much homework help
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| Thu, 09-14-2006 - 9:04am |
HOw much of an active role do you take with your teen's homework. My DD cares about her grades. She has a slight learning disability. And is terrible at being organized, mostly the reason she might be missing one or two assignments at any given time. She is 15 this year. DH (her stepdad) thinks I should be sitting with her each night and making sure she has it all done and put away. I do help her when she asks for it and even inquire if she does on a daily basis. She has to show me all her homework before she has more computer time. But I can't control if she forgets to tell me about a quiz, or what happens to the homework between the bus and the classroom. She does ok in school. But her disorganization has threatened a D a couple of times. She was already held back once due to her disability (really very slight) so she knows it is important to keep up so that doesn't happen again. she is going to high school next year, and I fear for when there is even more homework. When she does miss turning them in, or gets anything below a C- on her report card, privilages are taken away and I watch her homework even closer. Dh thinks I should then be sitting with her nightly with all of the homework. I don't think so. I think i should help, but at some point she really has to figure this out on her own. I offer calendars, help studying, checking homework etc. But in the end I think she has to be the one to step up to the plate. Am I wrong? So I am just wondering how much of a role other parents play with their teen's homework. Especially ones that struggle. Thanks!
Lisa


I faced a similar thing with my DD when she was 15. DD has severe ADD and was so frustrated b/c she really does care about her grades. At one point in the semester, I actually called her teachers every Fri. If she missed an assignment or did poorly on it, DD wasn't allowed out of the house until she had done it to my satisfaction. It didn't matter if the teacher would accept it or not - I stressed to DD that this was about learning the material. After a couple of Friday nights at home alone, she got the message real quick. She made sure that wrote down the assignment and showed what she wrote down to the teacher to insure that knew what she was to do. Then she did it and showed me the work each night. I didn't literally check it but I made sure it was legible and at least that she did the problems she was assigned. During this time, I also had her reevaluated and put on medication. DD actually saw how much easier things were when she stayed caught up. She learned that staying caught up and studying a little along is so much better than cramming the night before.
Good Luck!
Not a whole lot, really. Usually, it's just a "do you have homework?" or an "is your homework done?" thing.
That's not to say, however, that I don't get frustrated! My DD is a terrible procrastinator with school projects and I usually know all about them, when they're due, etc., and I have had to make a huge effort to let her handle things on her own and get them done on her own time. She is an excellent student, always seems to get her work done, and I've had to accept that she must like working under the gun. She pretty much always seems to pull it off, even though I go nutty, watching her and knowing she's put something off til the last minute.
I think since your DD does have a slight LD, and you say isn't well organized, you may need to help her a bit more until she develops the skills necessary to get it done all on her own. I don't think you need to sit with her every day while she does it. Maybe just go over what's on her list for the day and help her check it off as she completes it.
I have to play a big role, b/c I have two that struggle, dd14 currently in 9th grade and ds16 currently in 11th grade. It makes it a problem when they don't write down the assignments in their planner but we finally have ds to where he will write them down. I have to get on the phone to dd's teachers to find out if she's turning in her work b/c she's not as good about writing it all down, even though this year should be an easy academic year for her - she has a light load, and I'm hoping she just gets her organizational skills down. Last year we faced the worst year ever - she was depressed, we found out she may have ADD as well as some also "slight" LD. Even slight LD, though, can make school so much harder for these kids.
Why don't you suggest to your DH that he sit there and do the homework w/ your DD every night since he thinks it's so important? I bet he wouldn't find the time.
Seriously though, I think your contribution should be toward helping your DD get more organized and do what you have been doing. It is her responsibility to do her work and to figure out how to do it. Does she have any extra help in school due to her LD?
My DD is a senior and I don't give her any help w/ homework unless she asks me to read and criticize a paper she has written or something like that. This year, the courses she is taking are so hard, and I haven't even had the subjects, so I wouldn't be able to help anyway.
w/ my son who is younger, I might look over his HW. He is the procrastinating type, so if he has a project that is assigned a week or two in advance, I know he will put it off til the last minute, or he won't know what to do if it has several parts. So I will say something like, well today you can write the book report, tomorrow you can make the poster that goes with it, etc. Our schools now give out agenda/calendars where the kids write down their hw assignments. I guess you could just stress to your DD to make sure she writes down every assignment before she leaves class and make sure she knows what she's supposed to do, then you can check it off when it's done. If she has some project that's due in 2 weeks, she could write herself reminders that she now has X days to complete it.
But looking at the long term picture, whether your DD goes to college or gets a job, mom isn't going to be there helping her, so the best thing you can do for her is let her do as much as possible herself.