How much nagging would You have to do?

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
How much nagging would You have to do?
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Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:04pm

Ok my lovely dd IS unmedicated add-inattentive, but omg the nagging I have to do with this child for every day stuff is driving me insane. It's not the normal - homework, cleaning room, etc it's other EVERYDAY things.

She is on antibiotics for acne - she has to take them twice a day (she chose breakfast and dinner) with food. There has been a couple of times she has taken it on an empty stomach and she's gotten sick on the way to school. I have to nag not only for her to eat, but for her to take the stupid pill. (she has been on these since October)

She is trying to get her iron levels up by her next doctor's appt (she talked the doc out of doing a full blood workup at her last visit and promised to take her vitamins and eat foods with lots of iron....) The antibiotic can't be taken w/in 2 hours of vitamins per the pamphlet, so she decided she would take the vitamins when she came home from school. Guess when she takes them - yes, when I nag enough. (2 weeks now)

She is on bc pills, for both acne and to regulate the periods - those are to be taken at night before she goes to bed. Yup nag factor #3. (almost a year!)

She got her braces off 2 months ago - she is supposed to wear the retainers 24/7 except when eating - uhhhhh doesn't happen - she wears them at home. When I nag her to first find them (2 nag factors right there). (2 months)

She has to wash her face in the mornings and moisturize before she puts her make up on. Idk if she does this, but at night she is supposed to wash her face before she puts her face medicine on - blah nag. (since October)

She has physical therapy exercises that she is supposed to do EVERYDAY - *are you sensing a pattern here yet?* Yup I gotta nag for her to do them. (Since December)

She has Lacrosse starting up next week - lots of running for a child that has pretty much been out of commission for what, 4 or 5 months, between her cheering injuries and her mono. Last week they had their preseason meeting - where the coach flat out said - better get busy before practice starts. She has ran twice - but only because I nagged.

Not only is it driving me insane, the nagging of course leads to blow outs. I've tried just to bite my tongue and let her forget to see if she ever remembers - doesn't happen. I try to gently remind her, over and over again - then it's like OMG child do what I said. I shouldn't have to do this!!!! I've tried calmly having a conversation about the importance of this stuff, to which all of this is VERY important to HER, and this may bring calm to the home for 24-48 hours - then it's let the games begin!

I just had to seriously vent and good grief does anyone share in this misery??




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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 8:35pm
Oh yeah, btdt with J when he was a teen. Thankfully he's learned to take care of himself (thank you US Army!!) and I don't nag anymore. The other kids - don't know what happened t here, but I don't have to nag them, in fact, in some cases, N nags ME about things that need to be done and I want to put off. I know where you're coming from though, but the good news is, she WILL eventually grow out of it. Does she per chance have ADHD or ADD??
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 9:59pm

Just as much as you, I'm afraid. Now that DS is 17, I do a lot less, but I still do have to nag him to clean his room and bathroom. And to eat fruits and veges. Because he's afraid to talk to people I have to nag him to ask about things: like the color of the tassel needed for graduation; and to ask his boss not to schedule him for two consecutive school nights (a problem only cuz he doesn't budget his time well); and to ask his teachers about the AP exams; and to ask his friends about sharing rides; and to apply for jobs.

From ages 13 thru 16 he had exercise-induced asthma and I had to nag him about taking his meds then. For years I nagged him about taking his vitamins(req'd only cuz he doesn't eat fruits and veges). I finally gave up on the vitamins about two years ago.

He does sometimes say, "I think I'm ADD." But I tend to think it's more psychological and that he's always worrying too much about what people will think, or about the future instead of just concentrating on living for today. When I asked him if he wanted to be evaluated for ADD he said no.

To his credit, he rarely loses anything. (His older brother was always losing stuff.) He is rarely defiant, and he is overly polite in public. So I tend to complain more to DH about the need to nag DS, trying to keep the positive comments for DS. It is not always easy, though.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:02am

OK - a couple of things. People are probably going to disagree with me here, but I've found these methods to work for me.

First of all, it sounds like your DD has a lot of things she has to do on scheduled times (medications, vitamins, etc.). I would recomment a chart - put it somewhere where she will see it every day - and have her check off what she's done. For anything that doesn't DIRECTLY affect her health (acne medication, etc.) - let her handle it on her own (keeping on the vitamins et al for her iron).

Second - why is she unmedicated? It sounds like a typical case of a need for even a small dosage of something that will help her focus and create organization in her life. Have you thought about having her medicated?

And finally - I don't know what you nag about - but if it doesn't directly affect her health, stop. Let her find out on her own what happens if she doesn't do what she's supposed to do.

Since you say she's "unmedicated ADD" that's the first route I'd take.

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:46am

Thanks for letting me know there IS hope :D

I don't remember the deal exactly, but when dd was diagnosed, I thought they dropped the adhd terminology and Attention Deficit Disorder became know as - ADD-H (if with hyperactivity) and ADD-I (if inattentive) and I thought there was a third. I'm probably wrong - this was 5 years ago lol - anyway, she's not hyperactive, just inattentive.




Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:50am

Thanks - I didn't think I was the only one with this issue.

She is seriously a sweet kid and a joy to be around and I seriously have no other issues with her on anything else. She has dealt with schoolwork and chores in her own way, despite of her "disability." She's not on drugs or drinking. I really shouldn't complain!!

Maybe I'll just make a tape recording because I seriously feel like a broken record!

Dh isn't around much (military) but I did use to do my complaining to him. That didn't work out too well, because he would decide at that moment that he was going to jump down her throat, so then dd got the ganged up on feeling. So now I just let it build up and build up until I explode lol!




Edited 3/20/2007 11:52 am ET by kel7col4



Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:02pm

Chore charts have never worked for her but I have seriously thought about it. She looks at the chore chart, knows she has to do it, but it just keeps getting put off - eventually the chore gets checked off, but that doesn't necessarily mean it got done! I've made this option available to her.... I have tried to tone down things that don't directly affect her health, but when I sit and stew long enough I can get each of them to directly affect her health. LOL

We went the medicated route when she was first diagnosed and the downsides definitely outweighed the benefits. It just wasn't worth it! Came to the conclusion years ago that she is ditzy and she always will be - I'll take the ditziness over the witchy zombie skeleton any day. She's coped and made great strides with homework in the last year.

We "talked" last night and I laid things out for her. I don't know if it will do any good and maybe we'll try some sort of schedule or chart - idk.....




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 1:41pm

I guess I would try the chart for the meds because it is a lot to remember to take things at diff. times every day. My 11 yo DS can remember to take his asthma meds, but it's just one puff on the inhaler a.m. & p.m. and 1 allergy pill at night. After the first few weeks, I didn't have to remind him.

As far as everything else, I would just forget it. My DD was supposed to do p.t. exercisess a couple of years ago for a knee injury and she never did them. Then she would complain that her knee was still weak. I would say "are you doing the exercises?" no, well, why do you think that the dr. told you to do them? She ended up needing surgery anyway, but I really don't spend any time nagging my DD (who's now 18). She's pretty responsible. Once in a while, I will ask if she has done something, like the fact that a scholarship app. had to be handed in today. I did mention it a couple of times, but I didn't nag. You will only drive yourself crazy since it doesn't seem to be bothering your DD.

Avatar for mjaye2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 2:08pm

I'm sorry I'm weighing in late here, and I know you and your dd have already had a "chat", but I thought I'd throw my .02 in anyway! :)

My ds15 is ADD-I, so I can relate to you there. We stopped medicating about 2 years ago, at his request, and he really has done well. But, he is soooo easy to get off-task and I found myself reminding him over and over to do stuff (even with the meds!). It was driving us both buggy! Charts can be great for those kids that just simply forget stuff, but they don't really work with my ds. He might look at the chart and say, oh, I need to do such-and-such, and then get side-tracked with something else and totally forget what he had set out to do.

Amazingly, at least for my kid, turns out the less I nag, the better he gets at doing stuff. Take in mind, tho, that nothing I'm nagging (or not nagging) about directly affects his health. If he is ill and has to take meds, then I do not leave it up to him if at all possible. I stand there and say, "come take your pill, now" or I will simply bring it and a glass of water to him. If he is at home, and I'm at work, I just call him and hang on the phone until he takes his meds. :) It's his health, and I'm not going to take chances on that. But, everything else, well, he either does them or he doesn't and one way or the other, he will have to pay for it. For example: He *knows* he needs to run during the summer for football, and to keep in shape over Christmas break for track, but I don't stay on him about running. I may ask him "are you going?" but will leave it at that. He did really well this summer, but didn't run during Christmas break. He came home after the start of track and said he would remember to run from now on. Apparently, he got really, really sick from not staying in shape. LOL yeppers, that'll teach ya...

I think the things that I would tend to nag to your dd would be the retainer (omg, after spending *that* much money on braces, I'll be darned if I let them suckers move back out of place!!) and probably the physical therapy. And the BC is a little scary. I mean, you *have* to take those every day for them to work properly (even if she's *not* using them for actual birth control, heaven forbid she think she protected when she's not--by not taking them every day).

I sometimes think we get so used to nagging our add-ers and they get so used to hearing us, that they just tune out-knowing we will give them *another* reminder later. I now tell mine (after I make sure I have his full attention), Have you done such-and-such?? I'm not going to remind you again. And then I don't. He has learned that he gets 1 reminder from me and then he's on his own. So I think he makes a point to remember stuff. I mean, it took awhile to get to this, but we made it. :)

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 3:27pm

I don't know what we are going to do, but something has got to give.

Everythings ties into her health in some shape or form:

The running - she is just getting over mono. All of her doctors don't want her to just jump into everything and pretend she's fine. They have all been adamant that if she pushes herself she will get sick again. They wanted her to start slowly. She did stay after school to run and I just hope she doesn't over do it.

The PT - She had tons of injuries in her winter cheering season, hence her need for pt. She had ligament damage to her ankle, nerve damage in her hip and back, fractures in her back and tendon issues from groin to knee. When the mono hit her, pt got pushed to the back burner, and she has just started going back to the therapist. I'm getting kinda annoyed taking her bi-weekly to pt, when she's not doing the home exercises. This guy and her sports doc also want her to take things easy and return to sports slowly as to not aggravate and/or reinjure her injuries.

The birth control pills for obvious reasons I HAVE to nag about that one. Not only because of the main use, but bc of it regulating her periods which hopefully affects her iron levels positively.

Her vitamins - if she doesn't get her iron levels up she will need the full blood work up and the child faints every single time now.

The antibiotic and face medicine not really a health issue, but the acne is a sore spot for her as it would be with any teen girl. When it flares up major hit to the self esteem and self image. Taking it on an empty stomach makes her sick as a dog.

The retainers that one is not really health related. But braces are expensive and those little retainers can get quite costly too if she loses them or one of the dogs eat them. It's my doing that they don't leave the house.

I guess we will figure something out - in my eyes all of these things are kinda important, maybe not nag worthy though, but important.

Like I said, she is pretty good about everything else, she has some sort of method to her madness!!




Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 3:36pm

You sound like you can definitely relate!!

It's obvious dd is quite immune to my nagging - yet in the same breath she will say that she needs me to "remind" her. Our history with charts is exactly as you described.

Maybe I just need to not say a word and bring her all of the meds with whatever needs to be taken with them. I'll hold on to the retainers and she can return them to me when she leaves the house...Not sure about the running and pt. I did tell her I wasn't purchasing the million items she needs for lacrosse until I see she is attempting to prepare her body for it - she stayed after school to run today.

I guess I was hoping all this time that since these things were important for her that it would bring out the responsible side of her....idk

Frustration!!




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