how much pressure to put on grades

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
how much pressure to put on grades
14
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 11:59am

I'm wondering how much pressure other parents put on their teens to bring home good grades. My kids (one a freshman, the other in 7th grade) have always been pretty good students. They aren't the type to get straight A's, but tend to be more in the B range with the occasional A or C. Our approach has always been that as long as they are working hard and doing their best, then that is fine with us. We'd only have a problem with it if we thought they were goofing off, not taking school seriously, and then coming home with less than terrific grades. I should also add that my DD had some learning problems in elementary school, so the fact that she is working independently now in HS and holding a B to B+ average seems like a miracle. My son, who is in 7th grade, probably has the ability to do better, but like so many boys his age he is a tad disorganized, to put it mildly.

I'm wondering if we are being too easy on them. I see some of their friends getting straight A's and high honors. My husband and I were also high achievers in school, so it's not like our standards are set low to begin with. Do other parents put a lot of pressure on their kids to bring home those A's, and if so, how do they do it??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 2:12pm

Really, as others have said, it depends on the child's goals. I have one child who intends to attend grad school and has academic plans. A's come easily in everything but math, and she tends to slack off on it. She doesn't like math. Our challenge is to find a way for her to master the information she needs for the SAT, SAT subject tests, and, eventually, the GRE. If she accepts partial mastery of math, she will limit her choices for the future. To help her reach A's in her detested subject, we have her talk to us about her homework every night and we help her stay on task with systematic math review.

My 13 year old son has A's but he has an underlying weakness in language arts. I spend 15 minutes a day tutoring him in this area. His grades do not accurately reflect his mastery. Again, his options will be greater if he does not have glaring weaknesses.

If parents do not value mastery of core subjects, then kids are not likely to reach their potentials.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:34pm

My family is a frim believer in the power of education. Both my husband and I have PhD's and he has an MD to go with it. We don't force our children to become doctors but we do have high expectations and anything below a B is out of question. I have learned and accepted though, that each one learns differently.

My oldest, Gavin, was his high school Valedvictorian, graduated from MIT, and is now trying to get his MD/PhD at Johns Hopkins Medical School. Needless to say he was very active and independent in his school work and did not really need my help.

Following his older brother's footsteps, Jacob, worked really hard in school, even though for him it did not come as easily. He worked his butt off with some minor slips, but is now wrapping up his freshman year at the United States Naval Academy.

Brooklyn,a sophomore in high school, is not as academically driven, in that she isn't taking all AP classes, but she knows her limit and is excelling with what she does.

The most trying is Everett(13). He is so smart, but he is a little lazy. He does not see the point in doing his homework so he doesn't, which hurts his grades. He knows the material though and recieves high marks on his tests, but he feels that homework is just a waste of time and busy work. I have to watch him and sit him down every night to check and make sure that he does it.

And last but not least,Sienna, my 5th grader,is doing well academically. Sometimes I have to get on her case about doing homework or putting in the extra effort to get an A, but for the most part she is easy.

I don't overly pressure them to the point of emotional breakdown, but I do push them a fair amount. I do it out of love, I know how hard it is for a student now a days and I want them do succeed.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:59am

When I ask DS17 if he has homework and he tells me he does not, my standard followup is, "Are you getting all As?" If I see him studying 2 hrs a night, I won't pressure him like that. But if he's putting in less than one hour, and he's not getting all As, I figure he can, and should, do more. Kids don't seem to understand how much they'll need to study when they get to college, and that the more good habits they develop now, the easier it will be in college.

Of course, if a bachelor's degree were not a goal for DS, then I wouldn't put as much pressure on him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 5:05pm
Thanks to everyone for your replies! It sounds like a lot of you have taken the same approach as DH and I. We both excelled academically, and initially we expected our kids to do the same. So far, they seem to be average to above-average students, which is fine as long as they are working to the best of their ability. Based on what some of you have said, I may lean on them just a bit more to make sure they really are giving everything their best effort. I think janetlz makes a really good point that kids this age (13 and 15) don't realize just what kind of study skills they'll need when they're in college.

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