How Much to Tell a Teen
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| Fri, 02-16-2007 - 10:24am |
I am completely stressed out today. My DH was at a work function last night and had a car wreck. It was considered a hit and run because the other car left the scene. Thankfully no people were hurt, but DH got a ticket for DUI. I am just sick about this. We will be without our 2nd car, he'll have to go to court, etc. It will be costly, I'm sure.
DH doesn't want the kids to know, but I think the teen (14 in a couple days) might figure it out on his own. I guess I agree to keep the information under wraps, but I feel uncomfortable being in the position to cover for my DH. He doesn't have a drinking problem or anything. He just didn't use good judgment and did something incredibly stupid. I feel awful.
How much would you tell a teen about something like this?

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How scary - glad your dh wasn't hurt.
I don't think the police will pursue the other driver. It's sort of hard to explain, but I got the impression from the police officer (I had to go post bond in the middle of the night) that they don't think they'll find the other driver. I think they have concluded that DH is at fault because of the DUI even though the other car left the scene.
Yes, I had to leave my kids at home asleep in order to go and pick him up.
Rose
I most definitely agree with BunnieRose. And I absolutely do not support lying to children - particularly when it's something they can find out. Besides teaching them that dishonesty is ok, it also, like Rose says, puts them in the (irrational) position of thinking it's ok to lie to YOU - which can be unsafe.
In most towns, DUI charges are published in the local paper. It might be, it might not be. But I guarantee you if it is, your son will find out about it - through someone else (a friend's husband got arrested for smoking a joint - stupid jerk - his kids found out about it when one of their friends came into school mocking them). If he's going to find out from someone else, I'd tell him - and fast. This is going to affect your family for a while - besides the loss of license, there's the expense of getting it back, the surcharges, and the insurance premium increases - which may affect your ability to put your DS on your insurance when the time comes (in NJ, it costs as much as 10-20,000 to get your license back and pay all surcharges and fees).
In addition to that, this could actually be a lesson for your child. Although what your DH did was not smart, that in and of itself is a good lesson - this is what happens when you do things that aren't smart...might make DS think twice before either getting behind the wheel after drinking or getting in a car with someone ELSE who's been drinking (and unfortunately, at 14, that possibility ALREADY exists).
Good luck and keep us posted.
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My sentiments exactly ... I couldn't think of a good way to put these thoughts into words, and you did it so well!
Everything. Teens need to see how doing stupid things like this can and will cause problems for everyone. Not only are you out one car and he inconvience for that, but now his dad will miss work, possibly loose his licience for a while, inconviencing you to need to drive him etc..
JMO
Stacy
I'd be honest, but maybe not super thorough in that a 14 year old won't know the details of laws on DUI, etc. I'd say then, once closer to permit-age, I'd go into more detail citing the details so he's aware of what can really happen. Use this as info now, and a lesson when closer to driving age, unless he does ride with other teen drivers already. JMHO.
Sue
I feel for you having to go through all this. I'm always warning my DH when he joins the guys for "a drink" that it better be just one, knowing then he'll limit it to two.
If that were to happen to us, I could not hide my anger and there'd be tension between me and DH. I know our sons would pick up on it and sense something was wrong. Rather than have them worry about it, I think I'd be direct and tell them about it, and let them know it needs to remain confidential because DH is embarrassed by it; and that DH needs all our love at this time cuz he's feeling pretty lousy about himself. I think I'd keep the "let this be a lesson to you" part very brief--they'll feel it in the atmosphere. You can do more explaining to the kids about all the ramifications of one, stupid mistake when they start driving.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
He obviously has a problem or he would not have been driving while drunk. That is serious. I lost my best friend to a drunk driver. Your DH could have killed someone.
My advice: Take your son and leave until you husband can grow up. A man with a 14 year old child should NOT be "making mistakes" like that.
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