How Much to Tell a Teen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
How Much to Tell a Teen
33
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 10:24am

I am completely stressed out today. My DH was at a work function last night and had a car wreck. It was considered a hit and run because the other car left the scene. Thankfully no people were hurt, but DH got a ticket for DUI. I am just sick about this. We will be without our 2nd car, he'll have to go to court, etc. It will be costly, I'm sure.

DH doesn't want the kids to know, but I think the teen (14 in a couple days) might figure it out on his own. I guess I agree to keep the information under wraps, but I feel uncomfortable being in the position to cover for my DH. He doesn't have a drinking problem or anything. He just didn't use good judgment and did something incredibly stupid. I feel awful.

How much would you tell a teen about something like this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:02pm

My ex was charged w/ DUI several years ago (after we were already div.). Because he didn't take the breathalyzer, it was an automatic license suspension for 90 days. I was so angry w/ him being so stupid (luckily he didn't get in an accident), that i said, if you want to see the kids during the week, you will have to find someone to drive you. I was willing to drive them to his house & pick them up on weekends, but I couldn't be getting out early from work. I think he took turns between his wife and his brother cause he still wanted to see the kids. I don't know what he told them, but he must have told them something since they had to wonder why dad couldn't drive for so long. He ended up having to ride his bike to work if he couldn't get a ride. It wasn't that far, but he worked the overnight shift, so buses didn't run at that time.

And he was never a big drinker and certainly not an alcoholic. He would have a few beers, but I guess this night he was out and had too many. He told me after that he certainly learned his lesson from all the stuff he had to go through, including paying for a laywer, the ins. surcharge, etc. and I'm sure he will never take a chance again.

I do agree that your DH (not you) should be the one to tell your son, who isn't too young to understand that sometimes people make mistakes and have to pay the consequences of it later.

I also think it's ridiculous to say that you should leave him over this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 6:57pm

Whoa!!! That is EXACTLY the problem with too many families and marriages and relationships today -- at the slightest sign of trouble people are packing up and leaving. I thought we make wedding vows of "for better or worse", "good times and bad". I know there are degrees of issues that are too severe to resolve but a car accident and DUI is hardly enough to separate and divorce!

If you pack up and leave an otherwise good husband and secure, safe marriage for the sake of one mistake, aren't you just leaving one stressful situation for a much more stressful one? Being a single parent is ripping your children from their father is a far more difficult situation to work through than supporting your husband through a DUI incident.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 9:08pm
Amen!!
Rose ~ Standing and applauding loudly!

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