How would you deter a teen boy from sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
How would you deter a teen boy from sex?
7
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:13pm

My son, who is almost 15 has started talking (in mostly a joking way) that he wants to have sex! He is pretty open with me and we have talked about this. He used to tell me he wanted to wait until he was married. But now that he is in High School and it is basically in his world he has been talking about it more. He even told me he thinks he will have it before he is a sophomore.

He has ‘joked’ he needs me to drive him to the store so he can get some condoms.

I really want to discourage him from sex right now. I really do feel he is way to young. I have a few idea on how to deal with this….but I wanted to get some other ideas.

One approach I was going to do was talk to him about how the girls his age view sex very differently then boys his age. I want him to know that although he is thinking about the physical parts of sex, most girls his age will be thinking LOVE!!!!! I want him to know that not only is he not mature enough, but girls will not be mature enough for what he has in mind.

So….ideas???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:54pm

I don't have teen boys but I do know that your approach is a good one for teen girls. I really focused on the emotional consequences with my DD and I think it slowed things down for a while.

Ultimately I did take her to the doc for birth control (at her request). She knew I was not giving her my approval for this but responding to a request to protect her. If I thought my DS was serious, I would probably get DH or an older male relative if possible to take him to the store.

Does he have a g/f? This would make a huge difference in how I responded to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 10:06am

I think you have the right approach, although who knows what will work when the hormones kick in? It seems like your DS has a lot of curiosity, which is normal, and just looks at it as something to do, or some kind of goal to be achieved and because he is so young, can't forsee the consequences. Besides what you have already said, I guess I would warn him that even if he uses BC, he could still get a girl pregnant and then he will be responsible for supporting a child because it will be her decision whether to have the baby or not.

Also, you might explain that there is a big difference in having sex just for the physical experience and doing it in a committed relationship and that you hope he would wait (if he can't wait til he gets married) until he is in a serious relationship, that it's not respectful of himself or the girl not to do that and he might not feel so good about himself later.

I hope this works cause my DS is only 11 so I have some time to think about it. My DD is 17 and hasn't had a BF yet and I can't see her having sex w/ some guy just to have it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 11:19am
Hi tori - I think you are doing the right thing by continuing to talk to him, lettimg him know your values and morals, etc.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 12:49pm

I guess I would like to point out that you are really lucky that your ds is talking to you about this. It's a wonderful opportunity to let him know how you feel. As long as you keep communication open you should be all set. Good Luck!

Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 5:31pm

Thanks all!

I do feel lucky that my son and I do talk openly. I am always shocked when his friends talk to me and they tell me they dont even talk to their own parents.

I do know where my son is at all times. I have always been a bit overly protective like that. We do not live in town, so he rides the bus home after school….and other times I drive him to all the other places he goes. Sometimes after school I will allow him to go with friends to a lunch spot or ice cream spot. And we are in communication via his cell phone.
He does keep busy with FFA and 4H and sports, and the load of homework they give him…..lol
So he really does not have a time or place to get to comfy with a girl.

But, the thought is there and if there is a will there may be a way. I just hope to keep talking to him and open he will always feel like he can come to me with questions and what not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 6:22pm

I think the fact that he jokingly mentions these things to you is indicative of the fact that he is trying to start up a dialogue with you about these issues. This is your chance to impart your own morals values/beliefs. Also of course tell him, as you would with a girl, that while you do not approve, you want him to be safe and he should come to you when and if he is thinking of going through with this "crazy idea" for proper protection. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 1:22am
I have a 17 year old DS and a 15 year old DD. When I talk to them about sex, I stress that this is a life changing decision. No mater how much protection you use, pregnancy is ALWAYS possible. I say that unless you are willing to accept the possibility of pregnancy - sex isn't worth the risk at their ages. I remind them of their college/career plans... stress that none of this will happen if there is a baby in the picture. Then I bring up HIV and STD's.... I guess I'm trying to scare them. So far I think it has worked.