I am so worn out

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
I am so worn out
26
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 11:29am

Hey all,


I really need to vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 1:45pm

Hugs Julie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 2:14pm

So sorry to hear that you are dealing with this...I know it's heartbreaking when our kids hurt. A couple of thoughts...you certainly are giving him the tools to deal with this sort of thing simply by letting him learn to work it out...one thing I've found is that I tend to transfer how I would have felt at that age, when actually my kids are way more well adjusted and stronger than I was, and yours probably are too.
Sometimes I think all we can do is let them know we're there for them and give encouragement.


It will be all right, it's just that the road to there is so difficult. Hang in there.


Best regards.


Jane

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 2:26pm

Julie

I am so sorry to hear that Max is going through this - what a drain on both his emotions and yours. I think these are times when our most important role as a parent is to listen and to be there with unwavering support. When he gets to the other side of this (and you can assure him with confidence that there IS life after HS), what he will remember is that you were always there for him.

And you can know that we're always here for you - you can vent to us, and then have the energy to help Max. For me, that's the real benefit of this board!!

((((HUGS)))

Sue

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 4:21pm

Hey Julie,


I know exactly where you are coming from. I try very hard not to get wrapped up in the teen stuff that goes on, but like you, sometimes I just can't help it. And when my kids are hurting, I am hurting.


I think it is pretty normal to question what you have done over the years, what you have taught him and what you have prepared him for. But the thing you need to remember is that you have given him all you have and he will make it through whatever happens in life. There is no way that we can think of every case senario and prepare our kids for it. How could you know that something like this would happen. You couldn't! You are there for him and the rest of the family is there for him. So just let him talk, give him some love and be there. The most important thing is that he has all of you.


Kelsie is going through something similar right now, but not to the extent that Max is. Her friends don't believe her that she was date raped. They just don't want to believe that this guy could do such a thing. She still has them there as friends, but she can't talk to them about it. They think that because she liked this guy that she wanted it or something. Doesn't matter that she said no and that she called her bff to see if she could come and pick her up and get her out of where she was. They just don't want to believe that this friend would rape someone. Now she is faced with holiday parties that he will also be invited to. She has told her friends that they can invite whoever they want to their parties, but she and her new bf won't be there if E is there. Unfortunatly she may have to miss a lot of fun because of this and it really sucks, she didn't do the wrong thing. She is the victim here and he gets to walk around with everyone thinking he is such a great guy.


I hate it all, but I can't do anything about it. We have to have some confidance in our selves that we raised them the best we could and also in them that they will make the right choices and deal with whatever is thrown their way. I remember when he broke up with the ex and all the heart ache that you and he went through, but y'all know he made the right decision.


And I bet there are kids in that school that would give their eye teeth to be friends with someone like him. He just doesn't know it and who they are. Since he is big in theater and I know the star of the plays they all know him, so maybe this will give him a chance to see who is looking to be friends with him. Maybe he will find others that are interested in what he does even though they don't have the talent to be involved.


Just want to give you and Max many cyber (((((HUGS))))) things will get better, I'm sure of it. And come and vent any time. You can also e-mail me through my profile if you would like. Or vent in a chat. We're here for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 4:50pm

"I know that it seems like...no big deal just teen stuff, but I am so tired of my teen being hurt by people."

You gotta remember whom you're talking to here, Julie. We know it IS big deal--we've all been there or, somewhere very close to "there". Max is probably not feeling too good about himself these days, thinking he's done the wrong thing, or at least the wrong way. Telling him, or repeating if you've already told him, that you respect him for being able to make the decision to break up with gf, and that you understand how he must feel when his friends exclude him might help. (I just read "Parent as Coach" last night, and the author suggests we use the words "respect", "understand", and "support" when we talk with our teens--it makes a lot of sense.) And let him know that this kind of stuff does not go on in college--it's a whole different world. Some one-on-one time with either you or his dad would probably be a good idea, too.

I know how it affects us almost as much as our kids. Last fall when I took DS to a psychologist, I wondered whether I, too, should be getting help. Somehow I made it through without therapy. Hope all's soon better for both of you.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 7:06pm

I really wanted to answer all of you individually...but just kept crying when I tried LOL.


You all are really the best!!!

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 7:10pm

Julie, here's some more {{{{hugs}}}}

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 7:21pm

{{{Julie}}} and {{{C}}}} to you both, too.

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 9:03pm

I'm so glad those kids will be there to see Max perform tonight. He will know that there are friends out there for him, even if those others aren't and I say the same thing as you do, na na na na boo boo! Sometimes you just want to show them that they aren't the only fish in the sea!


Let us know how the show is. I know Max will do great.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 9:59pm

Julie, wish I could say something to make you feel better.