I Blinked !
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 06-14-2007 - 11:47am |
Ok, we've been through many phases of life in my son's 13 years. We have gone through the infant stage to toddlerhood, toddler to little boy, little boy to big boy, big boy to preteen, and preteen to teen. We have transitioned from preschool to pre-K, Pre-K to Elementary school, and elementary to middle school. I even handled his voice changing and him needing to shave everyday without a problem.
So why am I a wreck right now? Why is this transition so much more difficult for me. I actually feel like I'm loosing a bit of my son. I know I'm not, but that's just how my heart feels.
In the past year he's matured and grown up so much that I feel that I'm actually living with a different child. Over the past two weeks Connor has recieved a major music award and had the principal address us reguarding how he could name just a handful of students hwo have matured a lot this year and our son was one of them and what a great young man our son has turned into this past year. Why did I not know he was getting an award? Why did I have no clue he was even being considered for an award? How did I miss that? I knew he matured, but I didn't really see how much until that night.. Why didn't I notice the extent of the changes in him? He's is afterall my only child. Where was I that I missed what the school officials noticed? I thought I was there, I know I was there. I must have blinked.
We got to the banquet, we walk in and there are all these kids talking to Connor and saying hi and knuckle bumps etc.. and I'm wondering... When did my son become popular and how did I not know this? Last time I looked he had a very small group of friends and the popular kids were not on the list. These kids were on the A-list and his usual group of friends were not in attendance, save one. Again I must have blinked.
Last week Connor finished signing up for his HS extra curriculars and put his name on the list for football tryouts in August. How did I not know that he wanted to try for football? Why did I just assume that after years of PT for his Cerebral Palsy, he would never consider sports? When did he start working out? (I never paid much attention as to why he was going down to the basement....the only tv in the house and the PS2 are down there), How did I not know that he knew how to throw a spiral? and since when did he hang out with the jocks? I mean I just found out some of the popular kids were his friends... Now some of the jocks too? Where was I and why didn't anyone wake me up to tell me these things? I blinked again didn't I?
Tomorrow Connor has his actual class day of his middle school career. Tomorrow afterschool dh is taking Connor for his first contact lense appointment (Our promise to him when he was little was that he wouldn't have to start HS wearing glasses). Monday morning Connor will "graduate" for middle school at a ceremony that will be held at the high school he will be attending in the fall.
I can't believe that this is hard for me. I never imagined that the transition to high school freshman would be so hard for me emotionally. Up until today I've been fine, but in thinking of Monday and reflecting on all the changes in him that have occured over the past year and even just the past few months, I realized that this is it. He's really growing up, we are entering the next phase of his life and it's coming fast. This is the transition from teenager to adult, and it will take place over the next four years. Four very short years.
I'm just not ready, I'm afraid if I blink I'm going to miss something. I've missed so much stuff just in the past month or so. I can only imagine how fast things will happen during the next four years.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and for being there in the furture when I most assuridly blink again.
stacy

What a great message. I can sure empathize.
What I read in your message is similar to my experience. They start to pull away and not tell you every detail at that age. It's subtle and not so apparent at home. Then when you see them interact with their friends, teachers, and other adults in 'their' world, it becomes painfully obvious. They're becoming young adults. How did this happen so fast?
What a fine young man you have. Thanks for sharing.
Oh ... I so know how you feel! We live up on a hill and from the backyard, I can see into the yards of the houses just below us.
Two families down below have little ones ... a daughter first, followed by a son. In both cases, the age differences between the two seems just about the same as the age difference between my own. Both sets of siblings have blond hair. Both little brothers run around after their respective big sisters, doing just exactly what they do. They laugh and whoop it up and run around and make chalk drawings all over the patios and toss rocks over the fence just because they can. I can't tell you how much I see of my own two (now teens) in those kids and I too, think, "where did the time go?" "When did they (meaning my kids) grow from that (meaning the little ones) to the ones that are now sitting inside? All grown up?"
Yeah ... I blinked too.
~~sniff~~
Your post brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of my older son who suddenly grew up while I wasn't looking. And my younger son who is growing up before my very eyes and I'm STILL missing it.
And yes, you most assuredly will blink again but know that you have raised a wonderful son who is becoming a wonderful young man. Your job is not yet finished but what a fine job you have done so far. :)
Congrats on raising a fine son Stacy.
I blinked too - only now my oldest are 23, one of them married and talking about when he and his DW might start a family!!
Stacy,
Your post made me feel a little "weepy", too. Watching them grow up is a bittersweet experience, isn't it? Congratulations, mom, on a job well done! By the way, do you remember this song?
(Malvina Reynolds - Harry Belafonte - Allen Greene)
Where are you going my little one, little one?
Where are you going my baby my own?
Turn around and you’re two
Turn around and you’re four
Turn around and you’re a young girl
Going out of the door
Turn around
Turn around
Turn around and you’re a young girl
Going out of the door
Where are you going my little one, little one?
Little dirndls and petticoats, where have you gone?
Turn around and you’re tiny
Turn around and you’re grown
Turn around and you’re a young wife
With babes of your own
Turn around
Turn around
Turn around and you’re a young wife
With babes of your own
Turn around
Turn around
Turn around and you’re a young wife
Turn around and you’re a young wife
With babes of your own
Your post brought tears to my eyes - how wonderful to see our children blossom! And how amazing to have an another adult say such warm things about your son! You may have "blinked" but while you were doing it, you raised an amazing kiddo! Congrats!
I remember the first Parent's Day at my DD's school, I was blown away by her maturity and confidence - where did that come from?! lol The son of a friend of mine graduated HS this week. Six years ago, she switched his school mid-year because he was struggling academically and socially. The new school has been great - and now he is a strong, confident, socially-connected young man - raising teens can be an amazing journey!
Again, congrats to you and Connor for a great MS year! And best wishes for HS to go as well as MS did!
Sue