I can hardly wait....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
I can hardly wait....
7
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 10:35pm

....until my nieces (now 12 and under) are full fledged teenagers!!!

Today DH and I went to our nephew's bday party, well attended by my 18 nieces and nephews, all under age 12. N wasn't able to go with us today, coz she had to work. The last time the nieces (who worship N) saw N, she had b/f T in tow, and the little girls were not happy. Today they said "Aunt Rose, where's N? She isn't hanging out with that nasty annoying boy again, is she?" No, she's working. "Good. She shouldn't waste her time on nasty boys!"

My sisters, who have no clue what parenting teens is all about, tend to agree that we shouldn't let N hang out with T, because (get this!) he's got long shaggy hair and wears baggy pants! Oh, I can hardly wait until those little girls all find "nasty annoying boys" for themselves, and my sisters have to deal with a really nice kid who looks something other than their clean-cut expectations of teen boys. (See Rose rubbing her hands together in evil anticipation!!)
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 10:50pm
you have so much to look forward to. ;) i HATE when people/family are like that. They know everything and you should do this and/or you should do that, and don't let them to this...my only comment to them is 'don't piss in the wind"..why? cuz it will come back at you."... not that she should judge anybody by their appearance....omg if anyone ever judged my son at different ages and stages....woooow...he went through the dark big clothes and long hair...now we are dealing w/piericings and tattoos. i am still fighting off the facial piercings. so...sit back and sip your tea and when she calls you crying...have a nice cold beer waiting. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 10:56pm

Ha! I love this! It's probably my favorite topic "Parenting by people who know more about my child than I do."

My son came out as gay when he was 15 1/2 - my nephew at the time, was almost 17. The following year, when my nephew was almost 18, my younger son (at the time, 13) came out. My sister had LOADS to say - about how we would "love them anyway" (thanks for THAT reassurance - not loving them never entered into my mind), how rough life was going to be for them, how I shouldn't let them date boys (my response was that I would give them the SAME freedoms I would give them at the same age were they straight - her response? That was different - so instead of telling them they couldn't date until, for example 16, because they were gay, I should tell them they couldn't date until they were 17).

At 18 1/2, my nephew came out to my sister...by the way, I knew (because when you have two gay sons, you can tell), and my DS's knew (because my nephew told them)...she has been decidedly silent about how you SHOULD raise gay kids since.

As I said, I love people who know my children better than I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 12:32am

My DS23 cannot stand our niece's husband. He is always well-dressed, well-groomed, has a Ph.D, and a law degree, is on the school board and is basically an arrogant SOB according to DS. This 30ish "professional" leaves all the parenting to our niece and it seems that to him our dear niece is just another showpiece.

Soon your nieces will learn for themselves that looks can be deceiving.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 6:45am

When I posted the orriginal post in this thread last night, I was thinking that my nieces were thinking T was "that nasty annoying boy" simply because they are young enough yet that they haven't discovered the attraction that boys can hold... but now I have to wonder how much of their attitude has been shaped by their mothers (all 4 of them) who have definitely judged T by his appearance and not by how he treats N, how he treats our family, and by watching the two of them interact - which is more like "best friends with a spark" rather than the typical "I'm so in lllluuuuuuvvvvv" attitude that you normally see with kids in their mid-teens. My sisters came to their judgement after less than an hour in his company a couple of weeks ago, where DH and I have based our judgement of him on watching the two of them together for the past 5+ months.

Oh yes, I have a whole lot to look forward to - but you'd think my sisters would have learned long ago. All my kids were experts at throwing the two year old temper tantrums, and my sisters had plenty to say about it. Then they had kids - all of whom were/are just as good at the 2 y/o tantrum as my kids were. When N was 3, she was in the wedding of one of my sisters. Dear sis had scheduled things so N never got a nap - all day. By the time the 2:00 wedding rolled around she was overtired and cranky, and on the wedding video you can hear her whining and crying. My sis brought up the fact that N "ruined" her wedding video at every opportunity for the next 5 or 6 years. Well, when S & C got married last year, sis had her 3 y/o DS with her, and he was not only whining and crying the whole time, but SCREAMING... a fact that you can hear loud and clear on the video. My tongue is about bit thru with the effort it's taken not to point that out to her!
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 8:58am

<<< but now I have to wonder how much of their attitude has been shaped by their mothers (all 4 of them) who have definitely judged T by his appearance and not by how he treats N, how he treats our family, and by watching the two of them interact ->>

Appearance is generally not a big deal to me. I am also self aware enough to know that those times where it has been important to me, something else in my life was lacking.

I do think I am in a minority that way, though. Many, many people seem to always put a lot of stock in appearance

I was frustrated with relatives over the holidays as DS2's GF is model thin and model gorgeous. DS1's GF is heavyset and doesnt have that kind of look

MIL went on and on about DS2's GF and how cute she was-I mean the woman wouldnt let it go. Another older relative joined in but wasnt quite as bad

Nothing was ever said about the two girls that had anything to do with anything other than their looks.

I think that's normal if you see a picture of someone. Someone posts their kid and his prom date-what else are you going to say ?

But when you spend half a day with someone, notice their personality, their ambitions, the way they interact with people? Something

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:42am

You might not have to wait so long on the 12 year olds! Another year or two?

I'm sort of dreading the day my sweet and kind-hearted DS goes to meet his loves' parents. He's got that longish, shaggy hair and at present, seems rather void of personality (DD calls him 'EMO punk'). I can likely imagine what sort of impression he will make.

The truth is that he is quite shy and it takes quite a long time for him to feel comfortable after meeting someone for the first time. I HOPE that other adults will look past the hair and seemingly absent personality and really get to know him before making any judgement. Those who know DS appreciate his quick wit and wicked sense of humor. Around here, he keeps us all in stitches.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:16am

After I got div. & was dating again, I wouldn't bring the guys home to meet my kids, but my DD (who was then a pre-teen) would ask about them, mainly what they looked like. She thought it was gross that I would date someone who was bald, but we are talking about over-40 men here. So when I met my now DH, she said "Is he bald?" and I said "NO, but he does have tattoos and an earring." I thought she would die! When he had surgery a couple of years ago, he had to take out his earrings, and I conveniently never helped him put them back in. (I don't know why he couldn't do it himself, I sure can.) I got him to realize that a 50 yr. old man w/ long hair and earrings just looks ridiculous. However, the tattoos he can't get rid of w/o lasers, which doesn't even work on some colors. Some are "nice" like a shamrock, but the ones he got in his younger biker-gang days really aren't nice, like one that has a skull and the word "rebel". So whatever guy his DD comes home with, he certainly can't complain about his looks.

My DH's 16 yo nephew has taken to wearing the goth look and long hair. I have known him for a few years and he has seemed to be kind of a strange kid, but his clothes have nothing to do w/ whether he's a nice kid or not. The other nephew, who looks "normal" is the one who has been in trouble w/ the law, drugs, etc. So I do hope that I will give people a chance to get to know them and not judge them on their looks alone.