i can just shake my ds!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
i can just shake my ds!!
8
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 12:33pm
one minute i love him to death and the other i can shake him to death..jk..my ds is 17 and thinks that he can do what ever he wants. we are pretty liberal w.him and gets to do alot of things w/friends. he just aggravates the hell out of me...we are now trying to discuss collage w/him..he refueses to fill out the papers..he says he has 10 more days to do it...why wait? its like you have to push him every step of the way. now he can't decide what he wants to do. ... he thought at one point he wanted to teach computer appl., now he just wants to do something w/computers....he is just too much...most times i can't see any muturity in him. he can care less if he's late for school or work...what is with this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 6:22pm

"what is with this?"


Senioritis perhaps?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 6:23pm

On man, last year this time, I was in such a stew b/c DD wouldn't fill out the college apps, she wouldn't go on the visits, etc. I finally told her that she knew the dates and if she didn't in where she wanted to go then she could live at home and go to community college (where I work). For the most part that was motivation for her. She didn't want to live at home. She certainly didn't want to go to college where I work (too many eyes to tell mom what she's up to). She missed the date for scholarship paperwork so she's now having to pay the difference. She tried to turn that one on me - I didn't explain to her that if she was late she wouldn't qualify. I pointed out to her that sometimes it's not important that you understand, sometimes it's enough to just trust that mom knows what she's talking about.

It is extremely frustrating. This is the year that he sort of needs to be left of his own. Give him the dates and let it go. But make sure he understands the consequences of missing those dates - if he's late with his app, he won't get in, if he's late with his scholarship forms, he has to make up the difference, etc.

Good Luck & I'm so glad it's you and not me (LOL).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 6:35pm
yea, lol, thanks a whole bunch..now, ds says to me "mom, how long does it take to drive to the university?".. hummmmmmmmmmmmmm, sounds like he is doubting dorming down there. why i wonder. so i said about 1/2 hr . and he asked then if he should maybe go to one of the local collages or the one university that is closer for say the core classes and then when he knows what he wants, apply at the four yr collage....arrrrrrrrrrrr, i am insisting he go to his counselor in the morning...i am calling the counselor and advising him that my ds needs desperate direction and maybe he can shed some lite on this...i don't even know if my son is eligible for any scholarships...isn't there a children of veterans scholarship? i know my church give a little bit, well it's actually the club my husband is in from my church it pays about $200.00 per semister towards the books. where do u find qualifying scholarships? it's been 25 years since i've been to collage so it's now all greek to me. thanx for any advise you can offer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 7:21pm

Both mine did this so I hear you bigtime!

I sat down and worked through the first one with them-yeah, I know-I'm a wuss, but it beat the aggravation of nagging and it DID seem that once one was out of the way, the others followed more easily(I believe they applied to 3)

And I didnt write any essays ;) See, not a total wuss!

None of mine knew/know what they want. Its very frustrating and, at this point in the parenting journey, my plan for number 3 who is a hs freshman(other 2 in college)is to choose for him. Certainly not if he comes up with an idea but Im not going to listen to years and years of 'I dunno' again. I will choose and he WILL pursue that-if he wants to change, fine, but I want him to come away with something tangible to support himself(DS3 has severe LDs so that is part of it but, honestly, if I could do it again with DS1, this would be my 'strategy') They can diddle around and come out with nothing or they can diddle around and come out with a degree in something thats not their first choice, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 10:45pm
When he gets to the real world and is late for work he will get fired. He likes to wait to the last minute to do things, which drives you crazy because you are not like that at all. He is a procrastinator. If he gets it in under the deadline than the only stress was on you. If he's late then he misses an opportunity. He knows this. He of course does not have to know what he wants to do yet. Just get him started and he'll figure it out from there. Some kids are not ready for college directly after high school. Classes at a community college might be a good start. A good programmer makes very good money. Techies are in demand. Software sales persons make really good cash. There's lots he can do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 9:15am

I would think that there are probably quite a few scholarships available to children of veterans. I would do a search on the internet. Also just search college scholarships and you will find any number of web sites that you can simply fill out a profile sheet and their search engine will find scholarships that your child meets the criteria. When he decides which college to attend, also review their literature b/c many schools have in-house scholarships based on need, grades, extracurricular activites, majors, etc. Your local newspaper may often run ads for local civic groups that offer scholarships. Also check yours or DHs employers.

Good Luck - this is a daunting process!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 11:20am

The one main thing about fin. aid is the FAFSA form (I haven't gone through this yet either). That is the form that qualifies you for student loans and grants and a lot of colleges make you do that first before they decide if they will give you any of their loans or scholarships.

Really I just think it is very confusing for a 17 y.o. to make such a big decision about college, what to study, etc. After all, what is the biggest decision they have made before this? Maybe where to get a p.t. job or what elective to take in school. Now it's like their whole future is depending on this, so they think. At this age, they can't forsee that they could change schools, change majors, change careers, etc.

My DD had a meltdown this summer because she wouldn't talk to her dad or I about college, it was too stressful. Actually I think I had the meltdown because she was upset that we don't have enough money to send her to a private college, unless of course, she gets a lot of scholarships. Now I think she has kind of adjusted to the fact that she might be going to a state univ. At least she has decided on her major. My DH, who was a nurse for a very short time, tries to discourage her because maybe he didn't like it, he thinks she won't like it, you have to work nights & holidays, whatever. I feel like telling him, just be quiet. She picked something and it's a good career. If she doesn't like it, she will find out and then she can switch to something else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 3:22pm
well, i guess i am not alone...i finally sat him down last nigh and now he's asking me if he should just go to the community collage for his core classes $5,000.00 per year and an excellent school...so i told him i insisted he go to his school counselor today...i called the counselor( i went to high school w/him) and i told him my son will be looking for him around 5th period.....and asked if he did not show to go look for his butt ;0 so i hope all went well today.