I can't get along with my son : (
Find a Conversation
I can't get along with my son : (
| Thu, 10-26-2006 - 11:03am |
I've written here before about my 17 yr old son who is pretty much a slob and has gotten into more trouble (smoking, drinking, lying, keying a kid's car at school, won't clean his dishes out of his room, won't clean his room at all, slams stuff when mad, runs his mouth constantly, grades are terrible...etc...etc) You get the picture. Well yesterday was the biggest fight ever. He couldn't sign into his myspace account and accused me of deleting it. He pitched a huge fit and called me a bitch. I flew completely off the handle yelling at him. Come to find out his myspace account is still there, he just can't remember his password. I got NO apology though. Then he was looking for a couple of shirts and yelled "Sh!t" while digging through dirty clothes basket. Accused me of taking his shirts. Well again turns out he found them in his huge pile of crap closet under a bigger pile of clothes. Still NO apology. I'm so sick of him. My husband tells me I'm the adult and should ignore his behavior and not let him get to me. What the heck!!! Dad just tells son to calm down too. Any advice today would be much appreciated. I'm sick of my son....what mother feels that way about her child? ME!!!

Don't feel so all alone in this. I've been through the same stages of not liking my son at all.
Sorry I don't have any advice, I just wanted you to know you're not a bad mom for feeling this way.
I'm sure others will have some advice for you, though.
Thinking of you,
zz
{{img04}} I think everyone has times when they don't like thier kids very much. And typical teen freshness will do it every time.
However, your son's issues don't seem completely typical to me. He sounds completely disorganized and short fused. Whether it's solely attributed to drug/alcohol use or to some level of ADHD or mood disorder cannot be decided without an evaluation from a Doctor. Any way you can get him evaluated from a Psychiatrist? That's who be best able to determine if it's something more than TT behavior.
I have a 17dd who has a mood disorder, thought mild, and she sounds very similar to your son.
I know it's tough to handle those moments when they fly off the handle and blame everyone else but themselves and then don't even think to apologize for thier crappy attitude towards you. Can you give yourself a time out? Say, go for a walk, lock yourself in your room to just be alone, or go in the bathroom and take a shower? Anything to just put some distance between the two of you at a time like that is very helpful. Also, keeping a journal at night so that you can look back on it and notice that each and every day doesn't stink - there are actually a few decent moments sprinkled into your life now and again with ds. Going for a walk is a great stress reliever as well. Perhaps scheduling a walk before or after dinner (the witching hours) is a good idea jsut to clear your head, before he goes off on a tangent - it can help you deal with the stress better.
Also, I think you should see a counselor to help you deal with this as well. There is an excellent resource called, "The Explosive Child" and that book has many ideas and tips on how to change the way you parent so you can avoid confrontation with your ds and help him to be more responsible for his own stuff.
Hugs -
<<>>
I don't know how I missed this book before, but it certainly is something I'm going to check out.... DS-17 yelled at me earlier this week for the first time in awhile.. and you're right, it does hurt.
Thanks, I will look this book up right now, and I hope the OP does, too.
zz
I don't know what to tell you - is there another important male influence in his life? I can't stress how important it is for a boy to have his father or a positive male influence in his life at this age. The few times my ds was rude to me in front of my dh (who is his father), my dh made it clear in no uncertain terms that talking to me that way was unacceptable and would not be tolerated. This was early on. Now, if my ds speaks to me in an inconsiderate way, he usually apologizes on his own and there is no need for dad to remind him anymore. The behaviour you describe is completely unacceptable, and no wonder you don't want him around. You're human!
I suggest you get either a male role model in his life and/or counseling for him and yourself. Otherwise, you will not get through this. A certain amount of ignoring rude behaviour is reasonable, however, him calling you names really crosses the line. I can't imagine your dh wants you to ignore that! Don't forget that you're raising a man - who will go out into the world and treat women more than likely the way he treats you. Consider it your duty to straighten him out. Good luck.
Hugs you are not alone my 15 yr ds is so confrontational with me and says hurtful things. Sometimes I enjoy the quiet when hes home and then feel quilty. My younger ds 8 asked me once "will I be like that" and I honestly told him "no honey I dont think so because you have a different personality than your brother - your brother came out of the womb barking orders" ds got a kick out of this. I truly believe he'd excel on a debate team LOL.
I could go on and on about our situation but this was your post so I just wanted to say you are not alone. He's my first teen so Im sure others here have good advice. GIG HUGS, T
Terry