I feel I need to say sorry and explain

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
I feel I need to say sorry and explain
17
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 4:40pm

I posted under another thread about being very upset with boys getting a bum rap. As I think about it, I know I am just very frustrated right now, because of certain things that have happened to my DS. I shouldn't take it out on all mothers of girls...I do however hope that some would learn not to blame everything on boys.

My DS is a great kid. He believes that he will keep his virginity until he is married. Now I don't know if that will really happen but I applaud him for believing and trying to live this way. Lately, he has been with some great girls, and I have gotten to know the parents enough to have had several conversations with them. They always seem to end up with the parents of girls saying how all boys think with their *blanks* and that they worry sooooo much about their girls. It seems ok to make jokes about boys and their hormones and that all they think about is sex (which I know is partially true) BUT I Have seen these girls at my house, many times....hanging on the boys, flirting, teasing etc. These parents have acted like, their girls do nothing.

Recently, one of the sets of Parents, jokingly (but I knew they were partly serious) refered to our media room as "the rape cave". We have lots of good kids hanging out watching movies, playing video games etc. We go up frequently to just "check in". This has really bothered me since. I wonder how they would feel if I (without any reason to back it up) referred to their home as a "whore house" or to their daughters as "sluts". That is what I feel they were inferring that my house is a rape cave or my son and his friends are rapists.

Anyway, sorry this is so long, I just felt the need to explain my current frustration :)

Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:21am
I don't blame you for being upset. I would ask these parents what exactly they mean by rape cave. Joke or no joke it's not funny at all.
Suzanne
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 4:42pm

Hi all, Thanks for the messages on this :) DS and his friend went over there today and the talk with the Father went really well. He felt VERY badly. He never intended on hurting the boys or us. He realized how it really sounded and said he would never again treat any of the boys that see his girls like that again. He felt so badly that he even called my DH before DH got to him so that he could say he was sorry. I got a phone call from the mother who felt so badly as well and she just wanted to re-iderate how much they love our DS and how they KNOW what a really good kid he is. Anyhow, Im glad I vented here, cause I might not have done anything about it, and then I would still be "stuing" about it. Thanks all,

Julie

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 5:07pm
Glad that everything worked out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2007
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 9:09am

Dear Julie,

I am the mother of a 15 year old girl who has a boyfriend with whom she is very close to. He is a terrific young man (also 15) with awesome parents. They are good kids, however, they are still hormonal teenagers who's brains aren't done developing yet. They do what feels good and don't always think of the consequences. As a result, his mother and I have agreed not to leave them alone at any time. Now, this is difficult because even if they invite a group of kids to join them (basement, movie, etc...), not all the kids can make it every time. At times they were the only two that were able to make it. What to do?

Our town's population is only 110,000 and other than the movies, the mall, or someones's basement, there really isn't much to do.

I must say that I have put the blame on him for trying to get past first base with my daughter, however, she should also be strong enough to say no.

I also have a 10-year-old son and hope that when he becomes a teenager, that he will use restraint and be respectful of himself and his date.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 9:29am

When dd's bf is over, I let them have the living room to watch a movie... BUT I am in and out!

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Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 10:04am

"I must say that I have put the blame on him for trying to get past first base with my daughter, however, she should also be strong enough to say no."

May I ask why you put the blame on the boy?

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:27pm

I have to laugh too, when you say "only 110,00 population"!

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