I hate this

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I hate this
17
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 6:22pm

DD I guess will be staying home alone tonight. She has really become "persona non grata" here the last month or two. She has tried so hard the last few weeks to make plans with friends. Last weekend, one of her "best" friends promised her this weekend they would hang out. Dd had a lax tourned all day - as soon as it was done she called the friend. The friend was called to babysit. So she made some plans with some of her lax friends - and blew off bf. Now the lax friends have blown her off too. Her 2 best best friends are of course off w/ their boyfriends.

She's taking it okay, but I know it bothers her. She has always had tons of friends :(

I can't even remember the last time she had fun where boyfriend wasn't at her side... and she really has tried...

Sorry for the whine....




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 2:19pm
I am new here but I had to respond. This sound just like my DD and her friends. They always make plans and she always seems to be the one to get blown off. She tries to shrug it off but I know it upsets her.
Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 7:35pm

Hi and welcome!! Unfortunately, my dd has pretty much brought this on herself. She's been dating J for 10 mths so that is a major contributor. Two of her best friends hate J and her other 2 best friends have long term boyfriends as well and are just as absorbed with them. DD also missed nearly 2 mths of school with mono and J was pretty much her only outside contact, so she was pretty much "out of site, out of mind". Since getting better from the mono (March?), I can think of 2 times she's been out w/out boyfriend (she was mad at him and ran to her friends w/out boyfriends - dd and J worked things out and now these 2 friends keep blowing her off).

And yup I was referring to lacrosse. There is a group of friends on her lacrosse team that she is friendly with - they are party girls though.

FWIW I know she has tons of friends - it seems like she is EVERYONE'S top friends on myspace and she's in everyone's AIM info, so they all still "like" her - they just want nothing to do with her I guess because of J

He's just as obsessed with her - when he found out her plans changed last night, he was going to ditch his friends to be with her but I wouldn't let him....

IDK I guess it will work out and it's definitely a learning experience. I think she has pretty much given up trying... :(




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 8:39pm

I am sorry to hear that. My DD has a few friends mostly with orchestra. She is very picky about who she hangs out with because she doesn't like "fake" kids. I think it has a lot to do with the area we live in. She doesn't feel like she 'good enough' to be around some of the kids that live around here. I used to worry about her a lot. But now the friends she has are more like her in the way they do things. She is kind of, ok very goody two shoes and will only hang out with kids like her. Unfortunately that isn't how most of the kids around here are. She would rather have just

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 9:03pm

I know how you feel ... DD had a tough Saturday night and I hate it too! Never mind that she went to yet *another* Sweet 16 party on Friday and had a great time. When she learned that younger DS was going to a 13th bday party (with a dj and dancing) on Saturday night, she was hit with a severe case of the loney blues and having me around just doesn't quite cut the mustard, as I'm sure you know.

We lives so far away from all her school friends that getting together is an major ordeal requiring serious advance planning since no one has a license yet and it is doubtful that any parents would let their new drivers drive all the way to our house. No spontenaity (sp?) with this bunch, unfortunately .... sigh ...

The upside is that we did *finally* sell our house and we are definitely moving somewhere. A friendly neighborhood with lots of kids is one of the major criteria.

Sorry your DD had a lonely night. We have our fair share here.

 

 

 

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 9:33pm

I guess at this point dd only has acquaintances. She and 3 of her 4 best friends are cheerleaders, the 4th best friend is a dancer. I half way wonder if the 2 best friend cheerleaders that don't have boyfriends are mad that she played lax. DD got a lot of slack from both sides when she started playing - the lax players made a lot of jokes about cheerleaders and all the cheerleaders made comments to dd like "cheerleaders are only cheerleaders, they don't play any sports."

*enter puzzled look*

IDK I'm just grasping at straws...

DD plays attack (?) on her school team - this was her first year playing and she absolutely loved it. They had an after season "play day" yesterday - where they played 4 games in one day and were able to play different positions, she played something on defense (ha sorry I know absolutely nothing about this sport!) and she loved it. She's rather tiny though and not very agressive.

She is working now and I was hoping she would get a job around people, but she was offered a job at a kennel. I was hoping for a more people oriented job because she is normally so social. I know between school, homework, sports and her boyfriend she has had no time for anyone else and her friendships have really suffered.

She and one of the boyfriendless best friends normally do tumbling together, but dd stopped going when lacrosse was going on. Hopefully now that lax is over these 2 will start that back up again and "re-bond". Then there is a cheering camp that the team is going to, but that's not until August...

I'm just confused, because I know these girls still consider dd a best friend - I just don't know why they hate her lol? I guess it's none of my business and I'm staying out of it. I've been encouraging her to spend time with friends, and the more she tries, the more frustrated she gets. I guess I should leave it to her and pray it all works out.




Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 9:42pm

Congrats on selling the house!! I couldn't sell mine right now if I tried - hence the reason I am a single mother for the next 5 years, 4 mths lol.... We were rushed into buying our house and wish we had taken more time and looked for the friendly neighborhood with lots of kids. We live in the woods of Maine - so even though all the kids go to the same school, they are scattered everywhere and takes planning with few of them having licenses.

I think I am going to lighten up and not push her to go out with friends. I guess I am making it worse, when all I was trying to do was encourage her to hold on to her friends. For some reason I can never do anything right lol

I forgot to add: When I talked to bf last night, he asked what happened with dd hanging out with *s* (the one that promised her last weekend to hang out this weekend), I told him she told dd she had to babysit. Boyfriend was like "Uh nope, I just saw her up at the mall....." So - there's definitely something up....

Sorry your dd was home on Saturday as well. Our night didn't go too bad. I had stupidly told her when she blew off boyfriend to hang out with the lax girls, that she better not get mad at boyfriend when her plans fell through. She took that to heart and kept a brave face all night - I don't know if that was a good thing or not. I was scared to say anything because I always make things worse :(

Again, congrats on selling the house - major jealousy here!!




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: kel7col4
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 9:51pm

<>

BTDT too ... when DD graduated from middle school, she was so fed up with the cliques and snobbiness of the kids there that she said she never wanted to see any of them again. She chose to attend a private high school that's an hour from home.

At that time, I strongly *encouraged* her to keep in touch with at least a couple of the kids she like best, but she never did. Last night, she said "THIS is the time I wish I had kept in touch with some of the kids from middle school".

But ... mom's don't know nothin' about nothin', do we?

Although it's frustrating, I do feel bad for her!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
In reply to: kel7col4
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 12:18am

I think it is hard to have teenagers. I thought I had it easy and I think I did there for a while. DD has a job and doesn't have time to work on week days until after school gets out. It kind of puts a damper on weekend plans with her friends to go out at night. She

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: kel7col4
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 12:49pm
ugghhh!! My DD is going through this too! She's been in a relationship for a year and a half and has lost all her friends. She used to have a lot of them and now even her best-friend (who is a boy) only comes around every so often and that's to play guitar with her bf! In fact, this week the bf blew her off to spend time with her best friend and DD ended up sitting home alone. I've been trying to warn her that this would happen, but of course, I don't know anything. She's been really miserable lately and the longer she dates this guy the more miserable she seems to get. But DD insists that it is her choice not to hang with anyone because she can't stand the kids in her high school anymore and that she is glad she is going to be a senior next year so she can finally get out. But I know it bothers her. And I know she is lonely. Which is why I think she has been more dependant on her bf than ever before and that really concerns me. But nothing I have said has made a difference so I'm really working on my tongue biting skills!!
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:16pm

The first few months of the relationship, dd did pretty good to stay "in" with the friends. She made plans for shopping, sleepovers, get-togethers, etc THEN mono struck - I think that was the turning point. I wasn't comfortable having her friends over - I really didn't want boyfriend around her either - out of fear that someone else would get it. Her friends, for the most part, stayed away, but J was always here. For the 7 weeks she was out of school - he was over almost every single day religiously.

Once she got back to school, slowly, she was still quite tired, but Lax started up almost immediately - plus she had tons of work to make up. Those things monopolized a lot of her time, but J was always there to work his schedule around hers.

I guess he kinda came a crutch at a time when she was really alone and overwhelmed so as a result she has become quite dependant on him.

For the most part, if dd needs someone, it's her guy friends that she turns to now.
But sleepovers, manicures and shopping w/ the guys isn't going to happen lol I'm the only other option... poor thing lol




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