I have two questions to pose.......
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 11-01-2005 - 7:53am |
I want to see what OTHER parents would do in these situations:
1: my DS15 had his football game cancelled due to rain----at 5:30 he wanted to go trick or treating with a group of about 8 other teens. No costume. I said NOOOOO and he acted as if I beat him-----no need for a group of roving teens going door to door looking for free candy (I buy candy all the time for DH, so it isn't as if he goes without). Would you have let your teen do this?
2: WRESTLING. DS15 wants to wrestle. I've told him forever that he can participate in whatever sports he chooses EXCEPT wrestling. I LOVE high school wrestling, it is fun, and it keeps those boys in shape BUTTTTTT.........I refuse to play the game of 'making weight'. It is so unhealthy to drop and gain drop and gain drop and gain just to make weight. When I was in school boys ran in rain suits, 'sweated it out' in saunas and steam rooms, took diuretics, didn't eat or drink for 2 days----all to make weight. Talk about abusing your body. The coach called me last night to 'assure me' that freshman do not make weight---they wrestle at the weight they are at. Notice the word----FRESHMAN don't have to make weight.....what about on the varsity level? Coach indicated that yes, they do wrestle in certain classes, BUT they have strict guidelines about Body Mass Indexes and how much body fat can be lost, yada yada yada. AM I WRONG? What would YOU do? Does anyone know anything about high school wrestling these days? The coach seemed 'shocked' that 20 yrs ago the boys would go through what they did to 'make weight'. RIGHT.......like he's not heard of any of that..............
Thanks for any input.
Shels

Pages
Hi Shels,
1.
1. Nope. I'm with you and Pam on this one.
2. Wrestling..... My BIL was a wrestling coach, all his sons wrestled and now his grandson is an HS wrestler. I can remember my mom being in tears at Thanksgiving when her grandsons were rationed small quantities of food at the table. The weight thing is huge (no pun intended). It is unhealthy both physically AND mentally. My one nephew went to college on a wrestling scholarship. It was a school that I know my sister and her husband could never have afforded so it was a great opportunity for him BUT he was quite ill in his senior year. He had immune system problems that caused him to break out in herpes all over his face - very humiliating for a kid that age. Aside from the weight issue, I think there is a lot of pressure on kids in this sport. The kids are under such pressure to perform as individuals - one slip and you can ruin it for the team. I know it's like that in other sports but, in this sport the kids are out there alone. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well here, but perhaps you've picked up on the fact that I am not a fan of the sport.
jt
Regarding wrestling...last year, my son had played any and all sports except wrestling and basketball. After soccer season last year, most of the boys were going to wresting and talked him into it. I was like you - thinking first of all, ewww...why would you want to do that.
The coach didn't press them on making weight. They wrestled the weight class they were closest to. If there were two wrestlers who were the same weight, they wrestled each other the night before the match to see who would represent the team. My son was fortunate because he is small and there were no other wrestlers in his weight bracket, so he wrestled all the time. He absolutly loved it. It also brought together the football and soccer players who are usually ribbing each other about their sports. I am very happy he did it. Ideally, it isn't hard to keep weight as long as you aren't 170 trying to make a 150 weight class.
Regarding trick or treat - there were some pretty big people at my house the other day trick or treating. As long as they are in costume, it is fine with me.
Mom to Emily (18), Conor (17) and Hannah (12)
Wife to David - 8/20/88
I normally do not allow my teen to trick or treat but she's 17 this year and basically told me she was going. I know I could have put my foot down and told her no but it wasn't worth the battle. I did tell her I thought she was too old but it was her decision. She did have a costume and for her that was the fun part. She and two friends all dressed up and went out. She only came home with 1/4 of a plastic pumpkin of candy so they didn't do much. One lady even took pictures!
I can't answer about wrestling but I can tell you that the volleyball coach bought spandex uniforms for the girls this year w/o having the girls try them on. Most were way to small & way too small spandex on a bunch of teen girls is just asking for eating problems. The first few weeks, I really had to make DD eat something other salads. I would probably let him play with the understanding that if I felt is eating/drinking/exercising habits were becoming unhealthy we would discuss it and if it continued, he would be made to quit.
1. I'm with you on no trick or treating at 15. I believe that once they go to high school, it's time to find another way to enjoy Halloween like going to a party or taking younger kids out.
2. Well.... I'm not a big fan of any highly competitive sports during their growning up but in spite of this, my DS played hockey competitively and my DD fast pitch. However, we had a rule that they dropped out if any unnatural requirements were expected. We also applied this to DD's modelling career which has too much focus on weight. My DS is just wrestling for fun through school but my godson (29) started wrestling at 10 and has been the Cdn champion for his age 4 times during his teens. I have rarely heard problems about weight and the benefits were amazing. My GS never smoked, drank or did drugs. He lived an extremely healthy lifestyle and believe me he is no goody/goody. His wrestling just meant a lot to him and so he gave up the normal (but dangerous) teen stuff. He now does extremel wrestling during his vacations which scares us so much as it is very dangerous.
Good luck!
I don't mind teens trick or treating as long as they are in costume. No costume, it becomes door to door begging and I would have said no also. Sometimes the teens create the best costumes--one year ds went as an IRS agent in slacks and a white short-sleeve shirt with a pocket protector and narrow tie, carrying a briefcase for the candy. People loved it, said he was the "scariest" person they had seen all night! His friend went as a mummy completely wrapped in toilet paper, head to toe.
I don't know anything about wrestling but as someone suggested they can be assigned to a weight class that matches their starting weight--if that is the case for your son then it could eliminate the weight loss issue. If it makes him want to cut out junk food and eat more healthfully then it could be a good thing. In that case I would probably let him do it but let him know that I will be monitoring things and if it becomes a problem he will have to drop it.
Wow, I will be odd man out.
Your teen really didn't want free candy, he wanted to hang out with his friends. There could have been a compromise on this one - "sure, you can go as long as you find a costume" then you aren't the 'bad guy'.
Participation in a school activity should be encouraged with specific guidelines so that the child (teen) feels they have some control in their lives. We want them to make decisions for themselves (some will be good and some will be bad) and if they mess up, don't follow the guidelines, then step-in. Talk to the coach, find out the policy, etc.
These two things you said no to will undoubtably build a lot of resentment in your son. I hope you find a way to bridge the gap with him.
Carrie
I do encourage participation in school activities. He is involved in football and track---and until this year, basketball. He has a large social group and they often participate in social gatherings at the school. He regularly goes to other sporting events and choir/music events that his friends are in to cheer and/or provide support.
During the summer, he participates in the sports camps, and sports conditioning offered by his coaches. Sports is not pushed on him--I wish for instance, he'd particiate in drama or math club---but these are not areas of interest for him. Sports is.
He is given every opportunity to 'join' anything that he holds an interest in (except wrestling). I have a younger son who is given the same opportunities---my DH and I often juggle the responsiblity of getting one kid here and another there........
I am a person with a weight problem. It didn't stem from school sports, but my 15 yr old is extraordinarily athletic, with an extremely lean, compact frame. The practice of 'making weight' or 'cutting weight' or needing to gain is an unhealthy one for anyone---even if it is during a temporary athletic season. Starving yourself and dehydrating yourself is horrible abuse to your body---all to wrestle. It just seems so archaic. Maybe my son will feel resentful of me now, but I will have tried to do what I thought is in his best interests from a health standpoint. He certainly isn't lacking in other athletic and social endeavors.
And yes, the coaches have things in place and practices to 'monitor' this activity, BUT as all parents of sports kids know, if the coach puts a bug in your ear about something, they'll go to the ends of the earth to please. What the coaches tell parents and tell the kids are two different things.
While it did occur to me that the deal about Trick or Treating wasn't the candy, but the hanging out w/ friends. But there is something just remotely wrong with a throng of teens wandering the streets on a night that is known for mischevious behavior anyway...........
Shels
1. I did see plenty of non-costumed, peach-fuzzed-upper-lip young men with baritone voices, declare trick or treat at our door. It didn’t particularly bother me, but I would be inclined to do what you did with my kid. Too bad they didn’t have a rain-out alternative planned such as a party or other activity.
2. I’m really not up to speed on the current training practices in wrestling. A friend of mine is a former coach and all three of his boys were into it big time and seemed to enjoy it.
You know the "ins and outs" on this stuff and it seems to be creating some mistrust with the coach. The only suggestion I have is to talk to some of the parents of current wrestlers and see what they have to say. If you do ultimately let him do this, I’m with you 100% that if he feels the need to abuse his body to maintain weight, you’ll pull the plug on this faster than he can say take-down..
To help with your concerns, I’d make a written agreement to that affect for you both to sign that *specifically* outlines unacceptable practices.
Shels, you know more about this than I, but I wonder if there could be some advantages to this. More protein / fruits / veggies. Healthier eating.?
First, on trick or treating.... I'm with you, there is an age when one is too old to trick or treat - and 15 is beyond that age in my mind.
As to wrestling, it may be different in other states or school districts, but the first week of practice here the boys weigh in and have a body mass index done.
Pages