I need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
I need help!
2
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 9:45am
Hi...I'm new here and have a situation I never thought I'd ever have to deal with...Years ago my daughter was sexually abused for over a year. I got her into therapy but things for her at school starting going downhill fast because of her peers giving her an extremely hard time. We ended up deciding that it would be best for her to live with family out of state. She did for over a year. While she was living with them, they made her quit taking her antidepressants and never once took her to therapy. I found this out after the fact. It is now 3 years later, and everything seemed to be going well, until recently. I noticed her behavior to be changing...she's 16 now and over the course of the summer she was always staying the night with friends. She and her boyfriend had split up at the beginning of summer and she was acting depressed. She lost a lot of weight. At first I had attributed it to her depression over her break up. But I have learned (just yesterday) that she has been partying a lot, drinking alcohol and doing cocaine. I'm planning on drug testing her and confronting her with the results. Also, she has been talking about killing the man who abused her. I know I need to get her back into therapy, but I am a single mom working two jobs. I don't get home from work until 9:30 pm and lately I've been working 6 and 7 days a week. I'm struggling to make ends meet and cannot afford to take time off work. I don't know the best way to handle this situation. She has always been a good girl, but I know that she is troubled. Any suggestions are appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 10:26am

Is she your only child? I have to say that it is imperative that she gets counselling because this will affect her for the rest of her life. My DH was molested by an uncle when he was a teenager and it's still affecting him now when he's middle aged, although he's been in counselling for years. Maybe the school guidance office could help you find someone.

I don't want to come off as too judgmental because I don't know your particular situation and I'm sure you're not working 2 jobs for the fun of it, but basically if you are never home, you have a 16 yr old DD who is going to be raising herself and she has already shown that she's in trouble w/ alcohol and maybe drugs. This is a sign that she isn't mature enough to handle being unsupervised. So it's either cut down on work, get one better paying job or get someone to help you out, cause what do you think is going to happen if you leave her alone all the time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 10:40am

I know counselling is a must..that's a given.

I only started working two jobs again this past month. Prior to that, I'd worked 3 1/2 days a week, so I was home quite often. What's happening is that she's telling me that she staying the night at a friends house (which won't be happening anymore) or that she is sneaking out at night after I'm asleep. I'm thinking I should be sleeping on the couch and have a bell tied to the doorknob or something to that effect.

Any other ideas? Thanks!