First off, I do respect that you're doing so much for the homeless, but it's almost overkill to expect your children to be as enthusiastic as you. As far as the volunteering to raise money, your dd should certainly be expected to work the games to help. As she's found now, it can be a lot of fun as well as a great way to earn funds.
To be honest, I would be very nervous if I was in the car with you at night looking for homeless people. It actually sounds rather dangerous for you and anyone with you. I have no problem with you asking/expecting your kids to volunteer with you at a food kitchen/shelter occasionally - but dropping off food to random homeless folks at night really doesn't sound like a good idea IMHO. I don't think this is a safe path for you to choose, let alone bring your children along.
As far as the mission trip - I think you should plan for her to go with you and the rest of the family. That type of trip is planned with safety in mind, and everyone I've heard that's done one has come back feeling very fulfilled.
really sounds like she is afraid and just might be ashamed to tell you for fear you might think it's rediculus. I had a girldfriend and we went to the school carnival she went into the mirors i think stayd ina longg time I was .so worried. She finally came out and said the guy that worked there was grooping her and almost raped her. I tried to tell my mom but she was all like are u sure, do u knowwhat rape is ect i
I commend for your charity; they are very few people with your level of concern.
However, please don't call your daughter "backwards". As a mom of a similar quiet and shy young person, it is a term that should not be applied to ANYONE.
The problem you are having with your daughter is that it is not her choice. At 16, she is old enough to decided what and if volunteer work she feels comfortable being involved in. Don't force her. It solves nothing. And, of course, she is worried about leaving home in two year time. She is only 16! She has probably seen more of the "sad side of life" than most 16 year olds. Lots can happen in two years.
For example, you said you wants to eventually go into teaching. Perhaps she could volunteer with small kids.
I go into some rough areas for my job and, of course, anyone of any age, including myself, could be harmed. But I am not facing the same issues as a 23 yr old size zero ex cheerleader(one of my co workers). The guys come onto her, they cant take their eyes off her body parts, they make lewd comments. Heck, saying something like that to me is like saying it to their mothers!!!
Rough estimates say a third of the homeless population has a mental illness.
Sorry, I dont think she has any business in these areas
Yes, she should be working at the concession stand. If she is shy, maybe she would feel better keeping the hot dogs and popcorn machine full.
I hear you on the shyness-my son has been called backwards a lot and I know I myself have done the same-kind of like you said, I guess I've given up trying to change how he is perceived
Shy people don't like to stand out or be noticed IMO. I think that is why they often turn to children to be honest-it's not threatening to be noticed by children.
I am not saying you do what you do in a "look at me-Im feeding the homeless" type way but a shy person might prefer sorting clothing in the back room, KWIM? It's not as 'out there'. A shy person might find "Bless you; thank you" embarassing!
The' dont notice me' tends to be the key for my son. He has volunteered at the animal shelter, playing with the cats. He has no interest in the activities that involved interacting with folks who might adopt.
In sports as a wee lad, I had to tell the coaches to ignore him. He wanted to stand and watch before he joined in and the more they tried to encourage and entice him, the more he held back(STOP noticing me)If they just went about their business, he would join in sooner.
I have two responses to your questions. First, with around thirty-five years of experience as a social worker working on the streets with kids and homeless folks, there is no way in the world that I would take a young girl into a homeless shelter.
I wonder if you can talk to your DD about the general concept of "giving back" and watching out for those less fortunate - and then help her find ways to do it that are meaningful to her. If she loves little kids, maybe she can find a project to collect school supplies for homeless children. When I was in college, I did childcare for a support group of women in abusive situations. The women met with a social worker, while another staff member and I played with their kids. Or a summer camp for children with disabilities.
FWIW - my way of "giving" is with kids - my 16yo dd "hates" little kids LOL, and has found other ways to contribute to the community. Our Temple has a "Mitzvah Day" (Mitzvah is Hebrew that loosely translates into "good deed") - each person can choose ways to give that is meaningful to them. Some people visit the sick, some sort dontated clothes, some make sandwiches to bring to a homeless shelter. It's not the specific deed that matters, it's the feeling and obligation to be responsible that we want our children to learn.
First off, I do respect that you're doing so much for the homeless, but it's almost overkill to expect your children to be as enthusiastic as you. As far as the volunteering to raise money, your dd should certainly be expected to work the games to help. As she's found now, it can be a lot of fun as well as a great way to earn funds.
To be honest, I would be very nervous if I was in the car with you at night looking for homeless people. It actually sounds rather dangerous for you and anyone with you. I have no problem with you asking/expecting your kids to volunteer with you at a food kitchen/shelter occasionally - but dropping off food to random homeless folks at night really doesn't sound like a good idea IMHO. I don't think this is a safe path for you to choose, let alone bring your children along.
As far as the mission trip - I think you should plan for her to go with you and the rest of the family. That type of trip is planned with safety in mind, and everyone I've heard that's done one has come back feeling very fulfilled.
Hey softheart,
really sounds like she is afraid and just might be ashamed to tell you for fear you might think it's rediculus. I had a girldfriend and we went to the school carnival she went into the mirors i think stayd ina longg time I was .so worried. She finally came out and said the guy that worked there was grooping her and almost raped her. I tried to tell my mom but she was all like are u sure, do u knowwhat rape is ect i
I commend for your charity; they are very few people with your level of concern.
However, please don't call your daughter "backwards". As a mom of a similar quiet and shy young person, it is a term that should not be applied to ANYONE.
The problem you are having with your daughter is that it is not her choice. At 16, she is old enough to decided what and if volunteer work she feels comfortable being involved in.
Don't force her. It solves nothing. And, of course, she is worried about leaving home in two year time. She is only 16! She has probably seen more of the "sad side of life" than most 16 year olds. Lots can happen in two years.
For example, you said you wants to eventually go into teaching. Perhaps she could volunteer
with small kids.
I go into some rough areas for my job and, of course, anyone of any age, including myself, could be harmed. But I am not facing the same issues as a 23 yr old size zero ex cheerleader(one of my co workers). The guys come onto her, they cant take their eyes off her body parts, they make lewd comments. Heck, saying something like that to me is like saying it to their mothers!!!
Rough estimates say a third of the homeless population has a mental illness.
Sorry, I dont think she has any business in these areas
Yes, she should be working at the concession stand. If she is shy, maybe she would feel better keeping the hot dogs and popcorn machine full.
Edited 11/12/2007 11:54 am ET by windrush54
I hear you on the shyness-my son has been called backwards a lot and I know I myself have done the same-kind of like you said, I guess I've given up trying to change how he is perceived
Shy people don't like to stand out or be noticed IMO. I think that is why they often turn to children to be honest-it's not threatening to be noticed by children.
I am not saying you do what you do in a "look at me-Im feeding the homeless" type way but a shy person might prefer sorting clothing in the back room, KWIM? It's not as 'out there'. A shy person might find "Bless you; thank you" embarassing!
The' dont notice me' tends to be the key for my son. He has volunteered at the animal shelter, playing with the cats. He has no interest in the activities that involved interacting with folks who might adopt.
In sports as a wee lad, I had to tell the coaches to ignore him. He wanted to stand and watch before he joined in and the more they tried to encourage and entice him, the more he held back(STOP noticing me)If they just went about their business, he would join in sooner.
I have two responses to your questions. First, with around thirty-five years of experience as a social worker working on the streets with kids and homeless folks, there is no way in the world that I would take a young girl into a homeless shelter.
My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com &nbs
I wonder if you can talk to your DD about the general concept of "giving back" and watching out for those less fortunate - and then help her find ways to do it that are meaningful to her. If she loves little kids, maybe she can find a project to collect school supplies for homeless children. When I was in college, I did childcare for a support group of women in abusive situations. The women met with a social worker, while another staff member and I played with their kids. Or a summer camp for children with disabilities.
FWIW - my way of "giving" is with kids - my 16yo dd "hates" little kids LOL, and has found other ways to contribute to the community. Our Temple has a "Mitzvah Day" (Mitzvah is Hebrew that loosely translates into "good deed") - each person can choose ways to give that is meaningful to them. Some people visit the sick, some sort dontated clothes, some make sandwiches to bring to a homeless shelter. It's not the specific deed that matters, it's the feeling and obligation to be responsible that we want our children to learn.
Sue, mom to Leah and Seth
I think that since your DD is already doing volunteer work at church & with children, she is obviously a very caring person, as are you.