I really want my dd back.....

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
I really want my dd back.....
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Mon, 08-20-2007 - 3:13pm
Deleted for the benefit of all....


Edited 9/1/2007 2:07 pm ET by kel7col4



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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:07pm

Some moodiness is normal, yes. However, you mentioned the bcp - is it by any chance the Yazmin?? I was reading an article with reader feedback and almost all of the responses were negative: severe mood swings and crying jags being the number one complaint!

Making poor choices is also fairly TT behavior but along with the moods I can understand why you're missing your dd. Going through TT stuff, separating from mom and dad at her age are all normal things, and you will find yourself NOT liking all the changes in your dd along the way.

I would recommend speaking with her DR about finding a pill that helps with the acne while also being similar in makeup to her old BCP. It IS possible - there are so many bcp's out there!! We just switched my dd's and her DR tried very hard to find one comparable in makeup to her last one. We switched because our insurance wouldn't cover her old one.

Also, do you have sessions with her counselor ever? If not, I recommend it - even if it's just a short 10 minutes on the phone to give the counselor a head's up so he/she can ask certain questions of dd to see where she is at.

You know, it's probably several things, not just one or two things, that are having an affect on dd. Remind her that you're there for her, give her praise when it's due, maybe treat her to a special time with mom like lunch out or a mani/pedi. Another way to indirectly boost her self esteem and confidence is for her to do some volunteer work. All the counselors we've ever seen suggest this (I have yet to get my own 17dd to do it). They say it is more effective than anything because they actually can see how they are making a difference (depending upon what they volunteer for). Would she be up for trying something new like that? If she already does volunteer work, maybe she could do something else.

Hugs~

Avatar for jbgattuso
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Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:11pm

I just wanted you to know that I feel so badly for you. I know how frustrating seeing our kids hurt can be. The one thing that i don't understand is how she is so upset and you over her not making a Varsity squad as a 15 yr old. I am assuming that she is going into her soph. yr? She still has two yrs to be on Varstity. I think this whole thing with the coach...you will not win this :( I am not saying that the coach is in any way right, but as an outsider my first thoughts were, should she even cheer if she has such physical concerns. (I say this because DS had to give up football due to injury) it is not easy, but a child really can't expect special treatment due to their injury's. I am not trying to be hurtful, just looking in from the outside :) I'm sure that the pressure and being upset is making this camp very difficult for her. The friedns might be "staying away" because of the problems that you, your daughter and the coach now have :( Anyway, I am sorry for this situation....it seems to be a mess.

Julie

Avatar for kel7col4
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Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:21pm
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Edited 9/1/2007 2:08 pm ET by kel7col4



Avatar for bookwormmom
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Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:37pm
I would insist that the dr. change her bcp's asap. You may see a real change in her. The acne can be dealt with some other way. JMHO.
Kristie
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Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:39pm

LOL this post wasn't meant to really have anything to do with the cheering. DD could really care less about not flying or the fact that she's not on varsity. She really did settle into being happy about being on JV with her 2 bffl's.... and H's mom is in way more deeper than I am with the coach and has been battling her since August of last year, so that would not be the issue. She can cheer just fine - she just can't support extra weight on her back. Simple as that. I personally don't want her to do it anymore and I've posted about this quite a few times this summer.

She WAS originally upset because of a bunch of reason:

a. Her boyfriend is a varsity football player - she wanted to cheer for him and go to all of his games.
b. Everyone has been telling her since last year that she should be on varsity. Even up at camp that is all she hears from the other varsity girls is I can't believe these 5 idiots made varsity and you didn't.
c. At the end of last year, the coaches pulled her in and basically said, if you are healthy and can fly and have your tumbling you'll have varsity.
d. She worked her butt off going to tumbling cheering classes 4 days a week - spent every dime she made on this. She got her back handspring and has her back and front tuck with a spot. The 6 they moved up - NONE of them have any tumbling.
e. They moved up a girl that has quit 3 years in a row and purposely dropped dd which initiated the downfall of dd's year last year (which they are holding against dd, rather than the cause)
f. 2 Girls that they moved up are pitiful - even with broken bones/fractures - dd and about 4 other girls have more talent.
g. More than anything, dd was embarassed that she worked her butt off all summer for absolutely nothing. While everyone else was going to the beach or going shopping or doing sleepovers or going to parties - she was either working or spending her work money on what she now perceives as nothing.
h. I could go on forever, but this really wasn't the reason for my posts. She REALLY is okay with both not flying and not being on varsity. I didn't pitch a fit with the coach about dd basing so she could fly (again I hate her flying) - basing is NOT good for her back. Dd is really okay with not being on varsity - of the 6 girls they moved up, she couldn't stand 4 of them. All the girls that moved up 4 are sophomores and 2 are juniors, none of the 6 tumble, 2 have quit the squad more than once, and 4 of them no one can stand. She was embarassed that the jv squad now consists of just 3 sophomores and the rest are freshman... yup her and her 2 bffl's....

Anyway, none of my concern right now has anything to do with the cheering, seriously.




Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:52pm
Deleted for the benefit of all....


Edited 9/1/2007 2:11 pm ET by kel7col4



Avatar for bookwormmom
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Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:12pm
I wouldn't give her a choice about the pills. She is underaged and if they are causing these problems, she needs to change and deal with it. Maybe whatever she goes on will also help the acne, or you could get something else to take care of it. But no I wouldn't give her a choice.
Krisite
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Avatar for kel7col4
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Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:16pm
Deleted for the benefit of all....


Edited 9/1/2007 2:12 pm ET by kel7col4



Avatar for jbgattuso
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Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:17pm

"Not making varsity was a huge blow to her ego/self-esteem"

"Last night, when she called from camp she was as happy as can be. At lunch today, I get a phone call from her and she's in tears - she's back to not flying, coach is making snide comments to her and her 2 bffl's were ignoring her and being witchy to her. She wants to come home. Fifteen minutes later, she calls back and says she is staying. Then I get a text message from one of the bffl's saying "I feel bad, K thinks we are being mean to her and not hanging out with her but she's acting weird" - I haven't heard anything more so I don't know what's up."

I'm sorry I misunderstood. Your two quotes above and the other last two posts having to do with Cheerleading and the coach etc, led me to believe that this was a major part of what you were talking about.

I didn't have any advise on the BC or the girl moodiness, so I thought I would just touch on what I felt from some of our experience with coaching/coaches/sports etc.

Sorry again that I misunderstood, really.
Sincerely,

Julie

Avatar for kel7col4
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Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:29pm

Well, it was a huge blow and she WAS hurt by it, but she had come to terms with it. She was HAPPY to be with H and S on JV - thrilled that the 3 of them were not split up. When dd called upset this afternoon she was upset because coach was making snide remarks and the 2 bff's were being odd to her. The reason I brought these up is how overly sensitive and emotional she is to everything. I asked her if she was flying - she said no, but she even said she wasn't upset with that. But the yo-yo feeling she is getting from coach can't be helping matters.

The snide comments the coach was making were things like: I'm so glad this year I have 3 flyers that can stick their stunts. Okay - how many of them are trying to stunt on a broken ankle and nerve damage because the coach kept telling them they were a baby? The comments hurt dd more than the fact that she's not flying....

These were just recent, fresh in my mind examples of dd's behavior that is nothing like her normally. Everything in her eyes marks her a failure and yes she deems herself a failure that she did not make varsity. Coach's witchy comments are basically calling her a failure in her eyes too....




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