I think I made a big mistake - can I change the rules now?
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|Fri, 11-12-2010 - 2:46pm|
At the beginning of the school year, I told my son (16/junior in HS) that it was time for him to learn to take responsibility for his own future, and that I would no longer be rewarding or punishing him for good or poor grades. I told him his own reward should be his having pride in doing his best and helping to get into a good college; his own punishment would be possibly having a harder time getting into college and paying higher insurance rates, etc. I should add that, in the past, I have expected A's and B's from him and told him to come to me or his teachers if he needed help in achieving that. He was occasionally grounded from the computer or given money, depending on his grade reports.
So....looking back now, I'm not sure he's mature enough to handle this new change. His grades are the worst they've ever been. I tried explaining that poor grades were going to come back to haunt him, that he might have to attend summer school, which could interfere with a summer job, etc. I haven't kept a close eye on his grades (last year I checked weekly online and sat down with him to talk about them). I've just looked every couple of weeks or so. I've talked to his teachers and told him what they said he needs to do to improve. I'm not seeing any changes.
I was hoping to let go of some of the stress that this has brought me in the past by "letting go" and letting him make his own mistakes and learn from them. But it feels like it's backfiring on me now. Do I need to go back and tell him that, since I care about him so much, I have to step back in and constantly monitor him again and ground him or some other consequences coming from me if he doesn't turn around? My husband says no, keep doing what we're doing.