"I'm 18, you know"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
"I'm 18, you know"
2
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 12:37pm

A couple of years ago, I ran into someone I knew from college. She said her DD kept saying "I'm 18, you know" to justify doing whatever she wanted. My DD turned 18 in March and for the most part has done ok, but she can still be annoying. My SIL also has a DD graduating from h.s. this year. When I was talking to her, she said "now that S is 18, can she do whatever she wants?" sarcastically. She has probably heard the same thing from her DD.

Of course, I said "you can do whatever you want when you move out and support yourself. Until then, I'm still in charge." Of course, that's easier said than done. AFter the prom, she went away for a weekend w/ a bunch of kids and rented a house. Her annoying response "well, since it's my money, you can't tell me what to do." It's not like I was really going to stop her from going. I did go away w/ my friends after high school, but I didn't go w/ boys. I wasn't too concerned about that, since she doesn't have a BF, but I know there was drinking going on, which could be going on in our town too.

I have talked to her about getting a job for the summer. She has graduation tomorrow, then college orientation next week, then she's going on vacation w/ a friend and her aunt, so we'll be lucky if she can work by July. I told her I don't want to be a nag, but I don't know if she will be able to get a job near the college since there are so many students. She seems receptive to getting a job. I even suggested office work through a temp agency, which is what I used to do. Now if she doesn't work, then I'm not going to give her any money, so don't come crying to me when it runs out and you can't pay for gas for your car. My aunt is giving her a good amt. of money for graduation and she is telling her to spend it on stuff for the dorm room. I will tell her that too--it's not all for entertainment and then she will be asking me for the money to buy her sheets. Then I'll say no.

But it's kind of frustrating sometimes. On the one hand, she's an adult, although she doesn't always act like one. I really sholdn't have to remind her not to leave all her shoes in the living room. Other than what I said above, I don't really know how to punish an 18 yr old?

I'll be so relieved when she goes away to college, even though I'll miss her. It will definitely be less stressful.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 1:51pm

I don't think you can really enforce a 'punishment' for an 18 y/o -

I think that you talk with them, perhaps try to reason with them or help them see your point of view. You remind them about house rules, i.e., clean up after herself, help with general chores, call when she's going to be out past a certain time, be respectful, no boys sleeping over, etc., but you can't really punish her.

That said, you can stop doing for her and eventually, such as in tamahars case, you face the decision to ask them to leave when they can't live by your house rules or expectations.

I'm so thrilled that my 17dd will graduate that I haven't really given too much thought to what happens next. She has a job but it's not something that is steady or promising. She will have to find work for herself and I told her I expect her to work full time (at least 30/week). In the meantime, for the month of June, I don't mind if she takes a breather and kind of chills for a bit, but she will have to find a job and she will have to figure out whether or not she's interested in community college or tech school for a January start. In the meantime, she needs a new car as well. The bottom line is she has some thinking to do and some decisions to make. I've never found a fool proof way of getting her to clean up her room so I don't really battle that at all anymore. I just close the door (she doesn't usually eat in there so there are no bugs on food-yech). However, when I leave her a list of chores, she does them so I can't complain there. She's not great about curfews, but she's learning. She's only gotten social this year, so it's all new to her anyway. We're taking baby steps. Good luck~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:40pm
I know that for the next 4 yrs. she'll be away at college, so I don't have to kick her out--she'll be gone anyway. lol At least in the school area, she has always been extremely responsible, which means she got some scholarships too.