I'm a bad parent - so she says
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| Sun, 11-18-2007 - 8:46pm |
So it's been a bad week and I'm a bad parent. I have two daughters - one is 24 and the other is 16 - and a 34 y/o step-son. The 16 y/o is in a psychiatric hospital right now because she has been bullied for the past 2 years at her high school and and she reached her breaking point by going to the school counselor and letting her know that she wasn't safe - definitely a good thing overall but frustrating nonetheless.
The bad thing was that I found out (at a family meeting at the hospital) that the 24 year old allowed the 16 year old to smoke pot at her house on 3 occasions in the last year and that my step-son knew about it.
Now, I'm the bad parent because I am upset with the two older kids for not saying anything to me - maybe not "ratting" anyone out but to just discreetly give me a heads up. I am concerned because I've noticed the names of two students that are well known for drug use slipping into the 16 y/o's converations (I work at her high school) and I was wondering what brought on the new aquaintance. Guess now I know.
The 24 y/o tried to tell me that at least it was done in a safe place, teenagers experiment, never gone beyond pot; blah blah blah. We also have a family history of addictive behaviors so any substance use is a pretty significant issue.
The three of them complain constantly about the male parent in the picture - he's the biological father of the 34 and 16 y/o and the legal father of the 24 y/o. He's not the greatest parent I'll agree. His job is to earn the money and my job is to do everything else (his words)

You know what?
Your older children are wrong.
How and why was your daughter bullied--that is a key part to the story here--and I don't thinkwe can move forward til we deal with that
I'm almost at a loss for words on this one...
ok, the 24yo doesn't want to go to the party for her dad's bd/your anniversary?
Dear "softie and optimist",
>>How and why was your daughter bullied--that is a key part to the story here--and I don't think we can move forward til we deal with that<<
The 16 year old has been bullied by the same group of students (there are 2 main ones and others are on the periphery as the school year goes) since 9th grade. She is a very attractive young lady and the two students who make her life miserable are not ones you would look at twice; intellectually they're on the same level; musically they're on the same level - they all play 5 instruments.
The 'precipitating' incident was at an after school music practice when instead of playing music while in sectionals, the section leader decided a game of truth or dare was more appropriate. My daughter was asked an explicit sexual question regarding specific sexual acts with another band member.
My husband and I met with the school principal yesterday for an hour and found out that what WE thought was following the rules, was in fact missing a key step which won't happen again I assure you.
Ok, so asking the 24 & 34 year olds to rat out the 16 year old WAS extreme. I get that. I know they ALL know what they did was wrong and would like them to admit that much. What I need as a parent who struggles like all of us do here is a "heads up" such as: Hey I was talking to (E) and she was asking me about pot and talking about some kids at school who she knows smoke it. Wanted to let you know.
Which isn't ratting her out, but letting me know that something's up.
As for the party, the 24 year old volunteered to do the centerpieces and I've heard nothing but "he'd better like them" and "he'll probably complain because they're ____" etc. since she started and all because she thought the extra charge by the hotel was unnecessary.
Now, this is a 24 year old that was invited to leave our home because she didn't want to live by our rules - clean up after yourself, help out in the kitchen by loading and unloading the dishwasher, turn on the coffee-maker in the morning when you leave for work/school. Yes, I'm serious. We paid for her college education and her
16 yar old is coming home tonight! I spent a good hour on the phone with Dr. and he created a very detailed treatment plan, does not feel that she is a danger to herself or anyone else (YEAH!!!) and is recommending that she be evaluated for Emotional Disorder at school to determine if an IEP is appropriate for her. Well, and IEP is for students who are impacted educationally by their disability - technically she is by missing school when she isn't in a good place but when she returns to school, she gets caught up within a week.
I believe that accomodations to help the 16 y/o be safe and successful in high school can be implemented with a 504 plan and a crisis pass, however, will follow the recommendations because while I am a mom, I do not have M.D. after my name.
BTW - I work in the Special Education department at the school so this will be very, uh weird.