I'm Scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
I'm Scared
6
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 12:33pm

I've posted in the past about DD's ex-bf. That after DD broke up with him he attempted suicide and what a mess DD was and how awful we felt for him and his family because of that. But then the harassment started and continued throughout DD's sophomore and junior years. The school was very much aware of the problem and advised us to file a complaint with the police, which we did twice, but we were unsuccessful in obtaining a restraining order. Last year, the ex was overheard by a teacher that he was going to "Columbine" the school and he had a hit list with my daughter being on the top. He was expelled from school and was not able to return until he had a complete psychological evalution and had to continue therapy as a stipulation to return to school. Things died down after that...my DD is now entering her senior year and he graduated so I thought we could finally breath and not have to worry about this any longer.

Until now.....DD has been recieving disturbing sexually explicit voice mail messages on her cell phone. Apparently she has had a few but didn't feel it was necessary to tell anyone hoping it was just a juvenile perverted prank. But the calls were getting more explicit and last night she received one that really scared her because it wasn't just perverted, it was more like a description of rape with her as the victim. She went to her Dad and he came to me. When I listened to the message I was sickened for obvious reasons but also because I recognized the voice, even though it was more of a whisper, and then at the end of the message the caller laughed and it sent chills up my spine. I know it is the ex-bf without a doubt even though I am so hoping that we find out it is just some random kid playing pranks. The hatred that I heard in his voice...it's as if he blames all the problems in his life on her. I don't understand why he can't let her go and just leave her alone once and for all.

The caller comes through on her cell as "anonymous" which I don't know how that is done. So we called the phone company to get the number blocked but we can't do that unless we know what the number is and they can't tell us that until the police start an investigation so we are going to the police station this afternoon to once again file a complaint for harrassment. This will be my DD's 3rd time and she is only 17. I'm angry and disgusted that DD has to continue to deal with this but most of all I'm scared. I'm scared for my DD's safety.

I'm still hoping that this turns out to be some 15 yr old kid making prank calls. But until we find out for sure we are just going to have to be extra cautious.

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:09pm

I am so sorry that you are still having to deal with this. You are doing the right thing and hopefully they will give you the help you need. I would keep any messages that she gets, don't erase them from the phone, or find out if there is a way they can be recorded to somewhere else. Whether this is the ex or not, whoever it is needs to be stopped. This is obviously a person with a problem. If it is someone else pulling a prank, it is a sick one and they need help.

I'm sure you will be letting the school know about the situation also. Unfortunatly this means your dd will have to be watched closely and be extra careful. The whole situation just stinks!

Please keep us updated, we are here for you!
My thoughts and prayers are with you,
Kristie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:47pm

Is the boy in college? Will he be returning there SOON and hopefully its far away?

Would it help to change DDs cell number? Although I am sure the calls are the least of your worries.

I agree-be extra cautious-be sure she is always with you or a group and keep pursuing it legally

I see the other side-I dont want to, but they have to know it's really him before they can make a move; in that manner, Im hoping he calls back, can be traced, and the restraining order can be completed

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 2:11pm

I am sooo sorry about all of this...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:31pm

You are doing the right thing. You have to take this stuff seriously especially with a young girl. After reporting it, I'd strongly recommend changing her cell phone number and making it a "restricted" number if possible. That means it won't show up on caller id. Also ensure she is not displaying her number on myspace or facebook or msn pages. Some teens do so innocently but don't realize how many people end up getting that number incl many they don't want to get it. She should only give it out to her close friends and family.

It may not be this boy at all. I know you have a long history of this sort of behaviour from him but sometimes it is just random or people who got the number in some sort of round-about manner.

PS...one more thing...have your dd enrol in some self-defence type classes. It will make her feel stronger and more confident. This sort of incident can make a young person fearful and insecure.




Edited 8/6/2007 3:33 pm ET by diamondslb
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:36pm
Every time I hear of a parent saying that their DD broke up with BF and they feel bad for him I think of things like this. How many guys (or girls) are out there going nuts when their relationships end and your child hides it from you? Thank God your DD has the sense (and comfort level) to come to you about this. Imagine if she didn't?
I'm sure that the police can get the record of who made the call, the phone company should be able to also. I know with landlines there is a * code you dial to mark the call for the police to get the information. You can not get the information, you have to agree to testify against them, but they don't release the number to you. This happened to my Aunt about 10 years ago and the guy was arrested.
Hopefully the system will work for you here as well, and things will get back to normal. This is really bad because of the number of years this boy (I don't care how old he is, he's acting like a child) has been doing this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 5:54pm
Prayers that this gets resolved. You are doing the right thing by going the authorities. I don't have any other advice except perhaps get your dd's phone # changed. Or switch with her for awhile so it's you or your dh that answers each time. Another thing they used to suggest for obscene phone calls on land lines was to blow a whistle really loud into the phone. Please keep us posted.


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

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