I'm so angry I could spit!
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| Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:26pm |
This may be a long vent...sorry. A bit of background: a year and a half ago my DH's youngest brother was killed in a car accident so we have been extremely involved in his family and taking care of family business. His older brother has been very involved in this too. Between the three of us we handled all the funeral arrangements, estate, children's trusts, attorney's meetings and court appearances, cleaning out the house and remodeling the house for sale. It's been a grueling year that has stressed us out to the max. We have gotten no money for any of this nor did we expect any. But DH's sister, who has not contributed any help or support, believes otherwise but we are very close with her children so we have tried to deal with her attitude the best we can but a couple weeks ago she involved my DD in a spiteful situation that was completely juvenile and I can not forgive her for that.
My sil's son had a beautiful sports car (that DH co-signed for) that was not even 2 years old that he was trading in to get a bigger vehicle. Once he saw how low the dealers were offering him for his tradein he asked my DH if we wanted to buy it because DH's nephew knew he would get more money from us and it would be a good deal for everyone involved. DH knew I always wanted one and since DD is going be 18 soon he thought it would be fun for us to have it and maybe DD would want to cruise around with her old mother once in a while before she moves out forever. So we agreed on a price and the offer was accepted. We got a bank check and the plan was to go exchange funds and I would drive the car home with the existing plates and then park it in the garage until we got it registered. DH's nephew called for his payoff and found out that it was more than he thought so he just assumed that DH would pay the difference and not bat an eyelash but DH would not. They agreed on the price and DH refused to go almost $1,000 over that because we may as well have bought a brand new one at this point. They argued, reminding us once again that you never do business with family, and DH's sister then got involved and told DH that he was getting a really good deal and was now trying to screw her son so he should just pay the extra 1,000 cuz we could afford it which is so far from the truth. DH refused and they got into a huge fight and he ended up leaving. DD and I were in the ackward situation of sitting out in the back yard with the rest of the family trying to stay out of it so after DH left we continued to stay and chit chat but I could see that the air was very strained so after an hour DD and I left. I went to find my nephew to say goodbye and ask him if he was sure because I was driving his car home now and he told me that it was mine now and to enjoy it.
DD and I took the car and I was like a little kid, what a fun car to drive and we had a blast during that 15 minute ride home. DD asked if we could stop for food so we stopped at a drive through and a police car was behind me at the window and I was a little nervous because I am a law abiding citizen and technically I was still driving someone else's car but I had the registration and insurance in the glove box and my nephew's plates on the car because he was supposed to come over the next day and get them and cancel his insurance....or so I thought. Come to find out that while I was chit chatting in the back yard for an hour, my sil told her son to take the plates off the car, take out the registration card, insurance card and cancel the insurance even knowing that my DD, her niece, would be driving in the car with me. I was left with nothing. That police car sat behind me in that drive through for a good 5 minutes and I don't understand how he didn't see that there were no plates on that car but he didn't pull me over. If I did get pulled over and the cop was a buster I could've not only been ticketed but I could have been arrested and the car impounded while my DD was there. I was so hurt that my DH's family would put me in that possible situation but I was livid that they would involve me DD like that! This was the last straw. Luckily my DH was even more furious than I was so he completely understand why I want nothing more to do with them. I have already begged off from the family 4th of July party but I am not a spiteful person and I believe that two wrongs do not make a right so I am already wondering if I should be the better person and show up. But no matter how hard I try I can not forgive her and I feel terrible for it. I just can't believe that she did that knowing that my DD was going to be in that car. What do you think?? Am I making too much out of this?? I don't know where to go from here.

Why did you take the car home if you disagreed on the price? Why did your husband leave early without the car or instructions regarding how you and your daughter were to get home? Why didn't your husband make sure that the agreement was complete (or not) before he left the house and left you there to take the car home? Yes, it was foolish regarding what your SIL did but still, you shouldn't have taken the car, and you actually didn't get pulled over by the police (your anger toward your SIL is based upon something that actually didn't happen). If you couldn't afford the extra $1,000 do you think you really can afford the sports car? It's insurance rates will be higher than the average vehicle, especially if you're going to pass the car down to an 18 year old.
Subsequently, life is too short to worry about something of this nature. Your husband's brother's early death should prove this fact.
I'd ignore the PP. Of course you wouldn't expect that family would take the plates, cancel insurance, etc.
It's not only bad that they did that knowing your DD would be riding home with you, but the fact they did it AT ALL to you is horrifying.
Don't think you would be the smaller person because you choose not to associate with them anymore. You would be someone holding onto their boundaries. And if anyone asks, I'd tell them the truth why you're not going to July 4th with them. Or you could go, and tell the woman off in front of everyone.
The woman did all this behind your back. How much more passive/aggressive could someone be?
zz --> passive has never been a part of my personality
I'm sorry that this happened to you and I am sorry that the first poster had to be so nasty ;( I would say that you did the right thing in a tough situation and that your nephew should never have told you to go ahead and take the car knowing that he had removed all that he did. I would have to agree that your SIL thought she might just get you in trouble by doing that and it is truely spiteful for someone to do that to anyone...let alone family :( I am sorry for you.
Julie
I don't agree with the tone of the one post but there was a good point made-you are upset about something that MIGHT have happened, not something that did.
I would go to the festivities and ignore your SIL-no sense punishing the entire family(both hers and yours)because of the actions of one person.
Just have fun with the other folks there! It sounds like you have a good relationship with the nephew, after all.
DHs sister just has to get over it
I would probably NOT drive the sports car to this gathering ;) Unless you are feeeling particularly fiesty!
I don't know that things were as bad as you are thinking they are.....