I'm so angry I could spit!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
I'm so angry I could spit!
6
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:26pm

This may be a long vent...sorry. A bit of background: a year and a half ago my DH's youngest brother was killed in a car accident so we have been extremely involved in his family and taking care of family business. His older brother has been very involved in this too. Between the three of us we handled all the funeral arrangements, estate, children's trusts, attorney's meetings and court appearances, cleaning out the house and remodeling the house for sale. It's been a grueling year that has stressed us out to the max. We have gotten no money for any of this nor did we expect any. But DH's sister, who has not contributed any help or support, believes otherwise but we are very close with her children so we have tried to deal with her attitude the best we can but a couple weeks ago she involved my DD in a spiteful situation that was completely juvenile and I can not forgive her for that.

My sil's son had a beautiful sports car (that DH co-signed for) that was not even 2 years old that he was trading in to get a bigger vehicle. Once he saw how low the dealers were offering him for his tradein he asked my DH if we wanted to buy it because DH's nephew knew he would get more money from us and it would be a good deal for everyone involved. DH knew I always wanted one and since DD is going be 18 soon he thought it would be fun for us to have it and maybe DD would want to cruise around with her old mother once in a while before she moves out forever. So we agreed on a price and the offer was accepted. We got a bank check and the plan was to go exchange funds and I would drive the car home with the existing plates and then park it in the garage until we got it registered. DH's nephew called for his payoff and found out that it was more than he thought so he just assumed that DH would pay the difference and not bat an eyelash but DH would not. They agreed on the price and DH refused to go almost $1,000 over that because we may as well have bought a brand new one at this point. They argued, reminding us once again that you never do business with family, and DH's sister then got involved and told DH that he was getting a really good deal and was now trying to screw her son so he should just pay the extra 1,000 cuz we could afford it which is so far from the truth. DH refused and they got into a huge fight and he ended up leaving. DD and I were in the ackward situation of sitting out in the back yard with the rest of the family trying to stay out of it so after DH left we continued to stay and chit chat but I could see that the air was very strained so after an hour DD and I left. I went to find my nephew to say goodbye and ask him if he was sure because I was driving his car home now and he told me that it was mine now and to enjoy it.

DD and I took the car and I was like a little kid, what a fun car to drive and we had a blast during that 15 minute ride home. DD asked if we could stop for food so we stopped at a drive through and a police car was behind me at the window and I was a little nervous because I am a law abiding citizen and technically I was still driving someone else's car but I had the registration and insurance in the glove box and my nephew's plates on the car because he was supposed to come over the next day and get them and cancel his insurance....or so I thought. Come to find out that while I was chit chatting in the back yard for an hour, my sil told her son to take the plates off the car, take out the registration card, insurance card and cancel the insurance even knowing that my DD, her niece, would be driving in the car with me. I was left with nothing. That police car sat behind me in that drive through for a good 5 minutes and I don't understand how he didn't see that there were no plates on that car but he didn't pull me over. If I did get pulled over and the cop was a buster I could've not only been ticketed but I could have been arrested and the car impounded while my DD was there. I was so hurt that my DH's family would put me in that possible situation but I was livid that they would involve me DD like that! This was the last straw. Luckily my DH was even more furious than I was so he completely understand why I want nothing more to do with them. I have already begged off from the family 4th of July party but I am not a spiteful person and I believe that two wrongs do not make a right so I am already wondering if I should be the better person and show up. But no matter how hard I try I can not forgive her and I feel terrible for it. I just can't believe that she did that knowing that my DD was going to be in that car. What do you think?? Am I making too much out of this?? I don't know where to go from here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:52pm

Why did you take the car home if you disagreed on the price? Why did your husband leave early without the car or instructions regarding how you and your daughter were to get home? Why didn't your husband make sure that the agreement was complete (or not) before he left the house and left you there to take the car home? Yes, it was foolish regarding what your SIL did but still, you shouldn't have taken the car, and you actually didn't get pulled over by the police (your anger toward your SIL is based upon something that actually didn't happen). If you couldn't afford the extra $1,000 do you think you really can afford the sports car? It's insurance rates will be higher than the average vehicle, especially if you're going to pass the car down to an 18 year old.

Subsequently, life is too short to worry about something of this nature. Your husband's brother's early death should prove this fact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 2:01pm

I'd ignore the PP. Of course you wouldn't expect that family would take the plates, cancel insurance, etc.

It's not only bad that they did that knowing your DD would be riding home with you, but the fact they did it AT ALL to you is horrifying.

Don't think you would be the smaller person because you choose not to associate with them anymore. You would be someone holding onto their boundaries. And if anyone asks, I'd tell them the truth why you're not going to July 4th with them. Or you could go, and tell the woman off in front of everyone.

The woman did all this behind your back. How much more passive/aggressive could someone be?

zz --> passive has never been a part of my personality

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 2:12pm

I'm sorry that this happened to you and I am sorry that the first poster had to be so nasty ;( I would say that you did the right thing in a tough situation and that your nephew should never have told you to go ahead and take the car knowing that he had removed all that he did. I would have to agree that your SIL thought she might just get you in trouble by doing that and it is truely spiteful for someone to do that to anyone...let alone family :( I am sorry for you.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 2:27pm
Your right life is too short...which is why we got the sports car because it is something I always wanted. The car is mine...it is not getting passed down to an 18 yr old. And the deal was complete, the price was agreed on and the money was exchanged and that is when more money was asked for which is why DH was arguing. They straightened their end out before DH left and the arrangement was for the plates, registration, and insurance to stay on the car for the ride to my house and my nephew was to come and pick them up the following day. Then DH's sister got involved and after my DH left she told her son to take the plates off the car and all the info out of it AFTER they had already finalized the arrangements. I never even thought to check to see if the registration was in the car or the plates were still on but I guess that was my own fault. I wouldn't even have minded so much if I was warned about it but they let me leave in an illegal car and didn't seem to care what happened to me or what trouble I could have gotten into. It's not the point that nothing did happen but it's the point that they didn't care one way or the other. My sil is a very spiteful person and I've shrugged off plenty over the years. And yes, my bil's death turned this family inside out and my DH and I have done nothing but put our lives on hold to take care of everything and had to go to counseling and almost seperated because we couldn't handle all the stress. So I agree with you that life is too short but am I supposed to continue to swallow the nasty treatment from my sil and not say anything in return?? Everyone has their breaking point and mine is now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 2:47pm

I don't agree with the tone of the one post but there was a good point made-you are upset about something that MIGHT have happened, not something that did.

I would go to the festivities and ignore your SIL-no sense punishing the entire family(both hers and yours)because of the actions of one person.

Just have fun with the other folks there! It sounds like you have a good relationship with the nephew, after all.

DHs sister just has to get over it

I would probably NOT drive the sports car to this gathering ;) Unless you are feeeling particularly fiesty!

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 3:17pm

I don't know that things were as bad as you are thinking they are.....

Photobucket