I'm stuck in the middle of dh and dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
I'm stuck in the middle of dh and dd
5
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:15am

I will try to make this as clear as possible.

oldest dd 16.5 yrs has bombed her freshmen year and is now also bombed most of sophmore . she is going to a school out of area . I don't agree to her going to this school because of distance and she has to catch the city bus so early in the morning . she usually misses the bus and I have to drive her . I have a problem with the fact she is so addiment about going to a school so far away and she cant get there (usually on time ) and failing , and being dropped from most classes into a study hall. I find this a waste of my time and hers.

Now dh has stopped me from pulling her out of this school, because she has threatened to drop out . (well , duh , if she's not passing , whats the differance) and he wants me to go fight the school to get her back into the classes. Why? and if I dont , he will (and he is a hot head) she has missed at least 10 days of classes due to her hypocandriac. she thinks she is considered cronic illness , and we have given her papers to the doc. doc never faxed them to the school(to me says he thinks like I do)

so now here I sit with a child failing do to laziness and hypo . not enough credits to even be a sophmore next year. a dh who is letting her stay do to her threats and stopping me from doing anything. and at this point all I want to do is throw my hands up in the air and say I give. I dont have the energy to fight at this point .

dd wants me to go after the doc to send in papers so she can be excussed from all those absences and get a repreve from her laziness and possibly be able to do make up work with out consiquence.

sorry not a very good speller , and I hope you could follw what I need help on.
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 12:17pm
What is the option to the school she is attending?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 1:41pm

What is going on with the chronic illness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 2:12pm

we lived in a rental house until our house sold. so the school is located by the old rental house .we only lived there 7 months , but long enough for her to make friends. we now live only a 1/2 a block away from another high school. But at this point she is so far behind , I dont think even moving here to that school will help matters. I was told by the school system advisor about on line classes. I am trying to look into those. But dh is totally against that , and I mentioned it again to dd and she went off.

as far as the illness goes , in my opinion she is just lazy. she stays up all hours , then wants to sleep all day , but claims she is sick. when I tell her to go to bed we end up in a fight as usual. the cronic illness is listed under o.b.g. she has very bad cramping.she is a very strong willed person , and I dont have the energy to fight at this point. She knows this , and uses my illness to take advantage of me.I keep hoping the next surgery will fix me .(and then look out)

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 4:36pm

If the school absences are at the same time as her period, then I would assume she isn't faking it. What is her dr. doing to relieve her symptoms? That should be the first thing to make sure she really isn't sick. My 16 yo SD had a problem w/ skipping school freshman year. After that she didn't skip school, but she claims to be sick quite a lot due to stomach aches. I personally think she is faking it when she doesn't want to go or has a test, since she is kind of a poor student, however, if she were my DD, I would first take her to the dr. to see if she had a problem. Her mother did have colitis so maybe she really does have a stomach problem. Her dad works a lot and has his own problems and kind of didn't deal w/ this until it became a big problem w/ her failing school.

I would also meet w/ the guidance counsellors to see what can be done. Now at least 1/2 of the school year is over, so it's kind of late. So your DD threatens to drop out of school at 16 if she doesn't get her way? She's obviously in control of you, not the other way around. I wouldn't put up w/ her missing the bus and me having to drive her. If she takes a city bus, doesn't it come later? I know my DD occas. missed the school bus and then I had to drive her because there was no other way to get to school, but I used to take the city bus when I went to high school. My parents certainly never drove me. I just waited til the next bus came. Since she's not doing well in this school, I would def. put her in the school close to home.

And since your DH knows everything, why doesn't he drive her to school when she misses the bus and why doesn't he go talk to the school counsellors and figure out what he is going to do w/ a DD who is on her way to being a high school drop out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 5:30pm

I agree with PPs:

1. Take her to Dr again. Make sure her health is taken care of. Might need to take DH with you if the Dr says there is nothing wrong with her. Or, it might mean you need to have her see another Dr to get a second opinion. I'd also see if the Dr would just provide the supporting documentation to get the school to excuse the absences. So what if that's fudging. The school would do it if would benefit them, don't think they wouldn't. (My DD14's PE teacher last semester passed her with a D-, and she really only had a grade in the 40s!)

2. Let DH fight the rest of the battles. He's gung-ho about this, let him have at it. I'd also make him drive her if he insists she doesn't have to change schools.

3. Most important if it were me. So what if she's got friends at the old school? Does your DH really think she can't make new ones? Doesn't she have access to call them or maybe go see them on the weekends if they're all that important? Do your DH and DD think that would be impossible to do? If they do, then maybe DH needs to take her on a trip to see her friends on the weekend, as you make sure she gets up on the weekdays and to the school closer to home. Time for DH to wake up and smell the coffee, tell him it's burnt already and time for a fresh pot. Then talk to the new school and see about getting her transferred. If the Dr will provide the supporting info you need to get the days excused, maybe she will have a fresh start at the new school and things won't be so bad?

In any event, best wishes!!!!!

Sallie