Inappropiate or good bonding time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Inappropiate or good bonding time?
17
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 2:44pm

There was an akward incident the other day. Me and my teen daughter were having lunch outside at a restaurant when a very good looking man passed by. He was wearing khaki pants and had a nice body. Well being a heterosexual female I was checking him out and when he walked by I accidently blurted out "wow what a nice but". He didn't hear me but my teen daughter did and she laughed, but also seemed to be shocked and embarrassed, all at the same time.

That may not seem very bad, but it seems wierd checking out a guy in front of my daughter. Although I've seen some women do this with their daughters. I was driving with a friend and her 13 yr old daughter the other day. We were passing by a construction site and usually we would check out and talk about all the good looking men. But this time since her daughter was here I'd figured we'd just look and nothing more.

But then my friend noticed a guy and pointed out some of the attractive ones. And her daughter jumped in! She gave her own opinions. I was kind of shocked by all this and didn't really participate that much.

My daughter was at a friends house and her older sister and a friend were talking about cute boys at the high school. They had a bunch of pictures with them. Well all the girls were having a good time and the mom came by and joined the fun!! I mean the girls thought it was wierd at first, but eventually got over it and thought it was cool. At least thats what my daughter said.

I mean is this in anyway wierd? When I was a girl my mom never talked like this to me. I mean she was really ultra-conservative. God I used to feel guilty when I was a teen for masturbating!!

Honestly I think it would be nice to have a relationship like that with my daughter, but I'm not sure if its sounds inappropriatte or just good mother-daughter bonding time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 5:35pm

LOL! I know what you mean. However occasionally my dd will be caught off guard. We both share and admiration of Brad Pitt's handsome looks or she'll say how great she thinks Johnny Depp is. Then when I tell her they are both my age she's taken aback because they could be her dad.

Occasionally I'll find a guy in his late 20s handsome and I'll joke about pulling a "Demi Moore" who is 2 years older than me and yet is married to very handsome Ashton Kutcher who isn't even 30 yet. LOL!!!

I don't find it inappropriate at all and I am certainly not doing it in some vain attempt to be a "friend". I just like to teach my kids to not take life so seriously and to share a few laughs is one way of doing that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 6:28pm

My DD18 and I talk about guys like Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, George Clooney...etc. And discuss how hot they are. But we don't discuss her friends or kids that went to HS with her or her brother. That would be a bit too Mrs. Robinson for me....


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 8:26pm

Just as we women don't like to be objectified and reduce to our body parts,why do so many women today think we can do the same to them? It is not appropriate to do the same to men.
How would your friend like it if she was "assessed" and commented upon. This is not what I would call "mother and daughter" bonding but teaching girls to treat men as "less than human". It also reinforce the belief that LOOKS are important and the quality of any person can be judged by their physical attributes.

Giggly high school girls have an excuse. They are young,stupid and don't know better.
But a grown woman giggling over high school boys in a year book...... If that woman had ANY SENSE, she would have told those girls that those "nerdy" boys will have the last laugh.
I am sure that Bill Gates' high school female classmates are kicking themselves now!

Sorry, I would NEVER act like that infront of my daughter and her friends as I would be horrified if my husband (and he would not ) would act in the same manner with my son and his friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 9:52pm

<<>>

Interesting thread and perspectives.
I've purposely tried to stay away from this one, as I wasn't sure if this was another example of differences between men and women. Your post has given me the courage... :-)

I simply could not imagine sitting with my sons commenting on women walking by.
I don't know what would make me feel more ridiculous... my own assessment of my actions or my children's assessment of their pathetic father...
Doing this with my daughter is beyond comprehension of my imagination.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 10:40am

teadrinker,

I'm sure you will be as surprised as I am to learn I actually agree with you on this!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 2:22am

Hi

Speaking as a teen, I think it's really important to show the other side of yourself time to time in order to show your daughter that no matter what happens, she can go to you. You're a human being just like her.

So no, I don't really see the harm of flirting with "cute" boys in front of your daughter.
As long she's cool with it, it's fine.

My 2 cents.

Kit-Kat

--Kit Kat, the loving Fur Mama to Two Socks and Fur Angel, Spike.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:50am

Honestly I thought it was kinda wierd to when I heard about the mom checking out the teen boys. It wasn't in a yearbook btw but a bunch of pictures.

But now that I think about it is it really so bad? All the boys in the pictures were 16 and 17, and well the age of consent for males in my state is 16. So she can sleep with them legally but not check them out?

I mean we all know adult men look at teen girls. So why can't adult women look at teen boys?




Edited 3/27/2007 10:11 am ET by fss23

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