Interesting Article on Over Achievers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Interesting Article on Over Achievers
4
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 2:24pm

My good friend who lives in the SF Bay Area sent me the following article about the side affects on over-achieving teens from the Contra Costa Times Newspaper. I've felt a lot the same way for a long time now -- since my DS came home with nightly homework in kindergarten -- and thought it was pretty interesting.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/cctimes/community/15615020.htm

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 5:48pm

Julie, we both posted links today! I guess great minds think alike. LOL. I read the entire article, of course you know I agree 100%. My dd goes to group therapy with some of these girls. We travel all the way to Campbell (borders very affluent Los Gatos) for her sessions because she loves this therapist so much. DD is not supposed to reveal much about what goes on in there with the other girls, but I know that for some girls, the issue is always grades. One girl was devastated to get a B, wondering at that point if her college dreams were over. At least two have eating disorders. I really feel so sorry for these kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 6:55pm

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Well, of course hey do -- lol! Those Los Gatos kids haven't changed in the past 25 years? Los Gatos High School was a big rival of my own hs (Branham) back in the day. Even back then, we thought LGHS students were snooty and stuck-up and I have to confess that we did terrible things in and to the LG girls' locker room when I was on the hs swim team. (I am very familiar with Campbell -- lived in a tiny studio apartment on Union Avenue for several years when I was in my late teens/early 20's.)

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? DD told me yesterday that she currently has a C in her English class. You 'know' her well enough by now that this is pretty unusual. So again I'm wondering if depression is an issue her. But of course ... I had to say something to her this morning before she left for Oregon. Mostly just told her that when she needed to try and bring that grade back up on her return. She said "Geez mom, you think I wasn't planning on that?" Egad. Do you think I'll ever learn?

We have a friend that lives in Virginia and she is convinced, absolutely convinced, that her DS (same grade as my DD) MUST have a GPA higher than a 4.0, his Eagle Scout, letter in a sport, be confirmed in their church, AND have a consistent history of community service over the course of his 4 hs years in order to get into college. She 'claims' college acceptance is THAT competitive. And this isn't Harvard, Yale or one of the other Ivy League universities.

I'm not so sure I believe that, but I do know that if all the kids in her DS' hs are doing all of that, they're going to collapse before they even GET to college.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 7:55pm

>>>>>Often, doting parents who try to give their kids everything, says Levine, are "overinvolved in the wrong things, and underinvolved in the right things." They put all the emphasis on grades and other achievement-oriented things, but between the traveling soccer games, SAT tutors and six weekly dance lessons, there's never time for family dinners. There's never time to just be, to have fun and talk about other things<<<<<

This jumped out at me - it reflects some of what I see in DD's friends and my friends' kids - both kids and parents pay attention to the wrong things. They're not "over achievers", but they are over-indulged. No one "needs" Juicy couture, Ugg boots, etc. No one "needs" a brand new Jeep at age 16. But many kids around here seem to get them. We've forgotten to give our kids and teens just plain old solid underpinnings. One of my friends brags about how smart her daughter is, but never talks about how/if she's learning to be a good person.

I'm not sure what the relationship is to depression - I'd have to read the research more. I do see alot of disatisfied kids....is that the same?

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 4:06pm

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Good point, Sue. Do you suppose that parents assume that just because their child is 'good' in school, sports, etc., means they are 'good' people? I wonder about that. Kind of a 'my child MUST be a good person because he/she is popular and has lots of friends, plays varsity tennis, takes AP classes, 4.0 ..." mentality.

I didn't quite see the depression connection, either, though I can definitely see one to sex, drinking and drugs. They're escapes.