Is the Internet monitored in your hom...
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Is the Internet monitored in your hom...
| Wed, 10-19-2005 - 9:50am |
Is the Internet monitored in your home? Why or why not??
- Yes
- No
You will be able to change your vote.


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I began monitoring internet usage when DD when she broke up with her b/f. He threatened to kill himself and showed alot of other signs of instability. He also did some things that caused me to be concerned for her safety. She wasn't very open and honest about all this with - she thought she could handle it on her own.
Her own behavior also began to change so that I was concerned about what she was up too. She started drinking. She used IM to offer to sell some prescribed pain pills to a friend, etc. IM was taken away from her for about a year. She had to earn that back. However, the trust is still not 100% there.
Sorry I was vague, I thought the poll would give me space to elaborate but it didn't, oops... I meant exactly how you stated "making sure they are acting appropriately, etc"
And if they blog, do you read the blogs and their friends' blogs? Maybe that should be a separate poll....
I do do all this (my dd is aware) and it just so concerns me what these kids put out there at such a young age and how their parents miss these things when it's right under their noses.
I dont feel I can say I actively monitor at this point in time. I have done so on and off over the years(3 boys, ages 13-20)This was more of keeping the computer in a central location;limiting time, etc. I have never used monitoring software
I have seen IMs inadvertantly(??) left on the screen with my 17 yr old and yes, it was my first actual confirmation of pot use(I had strong suspicions)
But my question is, okay, you use teh special secret software and find out that yes, your child is doing drugs. You have two choices-ignore it and keep secretly monitoring or act on it, possibly alerting him to the fact he is being monitored
And, if they know they are being monitored, you're not getting the real picture anyway, KWIM? Theyre going to be careful about what they put on their computer about drugs-period! It wont necessarily mean they've stopped doing drugs. In a way it may be a false sense of security for a parent
If I see something from the monitoring software that concerns me about her physical safety such as drug usage, I would simply say I suspect this is happening or I might actually say I know this is happening. DD always seems to get caught up in how do you know. I simply tell her it doesn't matter how I know - I just know and how I know isn't the issue. After a few times of this, she began to realize that we weren't going to address how mom knows things and she quit trying to change the issue.
Usually I don't address things from the software unless I have it confirmed some other way. For instance a few weekends ago, DD was supposed to spend the night with a female friend at a nearby college. Turns out she spent most of the evening with some guy that DD knows but that we don't know. I figured this out from her IM log but didn't address it until one of my co-workers stated that she was with the female college student that night at a sorority event. I was simply prepared to let it go but would question DD more in depth about her plans in the future. I usually use what I find as a flag to me that I'm getting too lenient in what I allow her to do and that I need to tighten up.
I usually use this software as an extra set of eyes to keep up with what's going on. DD has always been a very secretive type of person. She also pushes the rules to the limits and takes advantage of any gray areas she can figure. This sort of let's me know if I need to clarify a rule or something.
I don't look at it often but can usually tell by DD's actions when something's up. Yes, I ask her first if there's anything going on that I need to know about. She always says no but I usually find out there is. I know alot of people will say she's secretive b/c she senses that she is being watched and must hide things. I didn't start this until the problems with the ex began. He literally had her dog stolen. He tampered with her car. He followed her around at school. He even skipped class to watch her through her class window. These are things she wouldn't mention to me. I really felt I had no choice.
Oh, I dont blame you for using the software. I have gone through my kids' drawers and cars-its not like I have an aversion to disturbing their privacy ;)
For me, though, it would be hard to avoid the software being the source of the knowledge. We have lived here only three years;work out of home offices so no office opportunities to meet people. Bluntly, our social connections suck and we have no family in teh area.
The idea that "so and so saw you and told us" wouldnt hold water
So it would be a one time shot for us and our situation. Hed KNOW he was being monitored
I can see where you would want to know what she was sharing with her friends about that idiot ex of hers-ugh
While I totally agree on the false sense of security concept for parents, I believe that the monitoring can see potential problems that need to be reinforced or discussed. It also allows me to curtail certain situations which could lead to dangerous situations as well as further discussions on point. For example, dd had a friend spend the night. DD's friend went on her own AOL while here and while chatting with a guy invited him to come get her and my dd and they could go party. The boy said "sure - my brother is 25, he'll come get you guys and if you have money he can buy us some 'stuff'" I was dumbfounded - these girls are 13!! The girls made it outside and I just happened to bust them...I hate to think what would have happened had I not known of the "plan". I never let on that I knew what was going on - I just happened to come across them and they spilled the beans. This led to my dd and I having an awesome talk about everything that could have gone wrong - even the other girl told my dd that she was glad it fell through because she was scared for both of them.
And like all the kid's profiles and away messages on AOL - I was looking through them and one girl says "Over at *****'s house, getting drunk - her parents aren't home - COME ON OVER!" And I'll be d*mned if she doesn't give the address too!! I know my daughter won't be going to that house!
There's much talk about drug and alcohol abuse and sex among these kids. And while if they know they are being monitored they won't talk about it on the 'net, not telling them allows you the ability to know where their heads are and where their weaknesses are - and how to reinforce your beliefs. I know I am still early in this teen game but I love knowing whats going on and being able to talk accordingly with her and having an idea where her head is. I did tell dd when she first got her computer that I would monitor occassionally and gave her all the reasons why... so she was pre-warned.
I just kills me to see how these kids act and their parents are oblivious to the dangers in their children's lives. One girl on MySpace goes into detail about losing her virginity - she's 12!! Her parents weren't home and the boy came over and now he won't talk to her, etc - if her parents read that I would think some changes could be made to help this little girl!! I don't know, I know I am rambling....I am just so upset how crazy everything seems today!
(BTW we just moved to this area, so all of this is a real culture shock to me - we lived on a overseas military base before and while some minor stuff went on - it was NOTHING like this!! Please tell me it's not like this everywhere!!)
Not really. I haven't felt much need thus far. I do check DD's e-mail account regularly to see who she's corresponding with but don't read the messages.
She has so much homework since starting hs, that her IM time is extremely limited. I don't have software that records her transcripts because she only chats with one or two people and it's for very short periods of time.
I have expressly forbidden her to get a blog or do anything on myspace.com. I have checked out myspace.com and think it's pretty disgusting that 13-14yo girls post pics of themselves in what are supposed to be provacative poses to look older and/or more sexy. One member of this board posted a horrible incident with her DD and her web page and a pervert, so we don't go there.
Of course, if I ever feel a need to start monitoring more closely, I wouldn't hesitate to do so.
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