Internet Usage

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-1999
Internet Usage
7
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 11:42am

Hi, I am new here. My name is Angie and I have a 18yo ds, 16yo dd, and b/g twins that are 4. DS was a breeze compared to dd. We got her a cell phone for Christmas and she is constantly displaying her # on the internet at myspace. Anyone else have problems with this site. We try to limit internet time to 1/2 an hour a day and our computer is in the living room and is passworded, but DH was working on the computer yesterday and turned off the screensaver so she bypassed the password and was on when we weren't home and that really upsets me because she has been caught before. I constantly feel manipulated by her and feel like she is always trying to get one over on us! It is so exhausting. Thanks for letting me vent!


Photobucket
Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: harkness
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 3:13pm

"she is constantly displaying her # on the internet at myspace. Anyone else have problems with this site."

That site and sites like it have been banned from DS. The only time he's been in trouble because of the net is MySpace. I think it is horrid and potentially unsafe.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
In reply to: harkness
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 7:22pm
I got an account on MySpace and made my DS add me to his account. This way, I see it all and he knows it. I think if your DD is repeatedly posting her phone number after being told not to, it's time to take take MySpace away, as well as computer time if she is abusing that too. You have to set limits and stick by them...and I know how hard that can be at times. Good Luck!!!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: harkness
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 9:14pm

I admit I don't know much about myspace, specifically. Here in our area of Canada, the popular thing is MSN Messenger and they too have a "space" that can be built by each user and accessed. Don't know much about myspace but what I did with my dd msn account was set it up for her as "exclusive". That is, only contacts she adds can see her space or be added to her account. She doesn't do anything unappropriate (so far) but if she did display her cell # for example it would only be visible to her contact list which are basically her group of friends.

Also what is helpful is that we all share one main computer so if she has her messenger program running but "offline" I can see what is going on while I use the computer. The notifications pop up vis a vis her accounts and its easy to supervise what is happening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: harkness
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 4:42pm

Our computer is in the living room also.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
In reply to: harkness
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 11:21am

I agree that the MySpace and Xanga are concerns, however, my husband was the one who reminded me that trust is a two way street. Originally I did not want my 2 dd's to have a profile of any kind on the internet. We compromised and told them they could have one provided that :

a) It was "private," meaning that only kids who are their friends, and that they have to invite to see it can access it. By doing this, it isn't open to everyone doing a "search" for girls in our area.

b) We were put on the "buddy list" so that we can access it at any time to see what's on there.

c) NO PICTURES of themselves. Period.

d) Content must be limited to generalities - first names only, and never enough information for someone to find them. When it asks where you are located...pick somewhere else than where you actually are from.

The only problem we've encountered so far, is that one of my daughter's friends posted a picture of my daughter on her profile. To be honest, I was very proud of our daughter and the way she handled it. She came to me and told me (since I don't have access to the friend's site) and she told her friend to remove it. The friend was like, "Why? Your parents will never know." She told the friend that SHE was uncomfortable with breaking our rules and if I did find out, she'd lose the computer. The friend took it off, and my daughter showed me that she had taken it off.

People keep telling me that teenagers are really hard, and I agree they are difficult - but I only agree to a point. They just want to be heard and respected, just like we do. Don't get me wrong, I AM the parent in my relationship with the girls. I am not their friend and I remind them of that when necessary, but having said that, I think that in order for them to spread their wings and become independent, they have to be given the opportunity to fail. I know, I know, internet predators...but I check their sites constantly and I know where my kids are at all times. They think I'm overprotective and I'll admit I am. This is one area that I feel is non-negotiable - my way or the highway. You want the freedoms? Fine, but you'll play by my rules...

Noelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: harkness
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 12:59pm

Oh man... don't get me started on Myspace... I have come to hate this site. Both of my dd's(18 and 16) have one and let me tell you there have been problems. The 16 yr old nearly lost a very nice boyfriend out of her life from comments that other boys put on her site. The oldest had issues with a bf due to d**n myspace and there has been other stuff. The stories are too many to tell...

My rule is that they can have a myspace site and both have xanga's too but I have to know their passwords so I can sign in if I want to see if anything is going on behind the scenes. I have told them that I generally will not invade their privacy but that I will if I have to if I suspect something. In addition, neither of them are to put pictures of themselves in swimsuits or pushing their boobs up or anything like that. So many of the girls in their school do that and it's really ridiculous. Fortunately, neither of them want to put pics like that up anyway. So basically my kids have these sites but they know I can and will sign in if I feel the need to. I don't know if making her give you her password would help or even be an option. A friend of mine discovered some rather startling things that her dd was doing via myspace and grounded her dd from the computer for a very long time... Did I say I really kind of hate myspace?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: harkness
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 3:18pm

Welcome! Here's my 2 cents. The Internet and everything that goes with it is a privilege, not a right. If your dd is not playing by your rules, cut her off until she can. We just did this - with amazing and unexpected results. Our dd had been spending way too much time IMing and had a D in math on her progress report (she was honor roll all last year, so we know she can do it). I told her she could not IM, check e-mail or go on the Internet for recreation until the grade came up. Weekends were negotiable. Now, she's been known to sneak around such restrictions and we told her - the last time - that the next violation would result in PAINFUL consequences. Sure enough, she snuck (is that a word?) on when we weren't home. I sat her down, reminded her of the previous warning, and promptly shut down her email, IM account, myspace and xanga. She was stunned, but got over it quickly. Her grades have shot up, she is a much more peaceful and serene child without all the drama and she really knows mom means business. She admits that she is better off without it (shock! shock!). She has not asked for it back - we'll see when report cards come out.

Lay down the law and then follow through. And good luck to you!
jt