Interrational Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Interrational Dating
46
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 12:14pm

I need some advice. We are a white family, I was raised to not date outside of my race, my husband believes the same. I do not believe this makes us predjudice.

My daughter has had a bf who is mexican. We told her that she could not "go out with him" (they are not old enough to date but that is what they call going together). Well, she said she broke up with him. I kept seeing all the signs but she assured me that they were just friends, which is fine. I found out this weekend that she has been lying to me about everything for over 3 weeks now. I kept checking our cell phone account and suddenly she is sending and receiving hundreds of text messages and the only thing I could figure was during the night, because with school and all she wouldnt have time otherwise. It all came to a head this weekend when on Sunday night she was supposed to be in bed because she had school the next day. I walk in to check on her and she is on the phone. The boy's father that she has been going with lives with her best friends mom. (Hope that made sense) Anyway, when I caught her on the phone, I took it away and she made up another lie trying to cover who she was talking to and it was a BAD LIE! I immediately called her on it. Okay, when I take her phone, it starts beeping. She received a text message from the boy that she is not supposed to be seeing saying "G'night and I love you". Well, that is when all heck broke loose. My husband made her call him and break up right then and there because appearently she didn't do it the first time 3 weeks ago. I have always welcomed her best friend, or any other friend for that fact, into my home and took her places while her mother worked, fed her and she has always been welcome. She is half mexican. Now, her mother says she cannot come over to my house any longer because if we do not accept the boy, we cannot accept the friend.

I am not predjudice in any way. My daughter has hardly talked to me in 2 days now and she is acting so very depressed. I am afraid of what she might do. I am more upset by the lies than anything. Last night she had a ball game and all of her mexican friends just kept giving us looks. I told my husband 3 weeks ago that if we put our thumb down so hard on this that she would lie, and hide it all, sure enough, she did.

In the last weeks, her grades have dropped (not failing but from a straight A to straight B), she will not even think about going to church (But you can bet she will go this week!). She got a mail about a thing with the church in Jan. and they go to this big conference and concert, she used to would be begging to go, I asked her this morning about it and she said she wasn't interested.

I guess I am looking for any advice. I am not wanting to start a race debate or anything like that. That is just how I was raised. My daughter did go see the counselor at school yesterday and the counselor told my daughter that she was raised the same way, but she could not tell her to continue to lie to us, or what she was supposed to do.

HELP!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 7:39pm
Thats funny!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 7:45pm
Funny.... Anyway, seeing as everyone is giving up their lineage (did I spell that right?) I am part Cree, French, Scottish and Irish. Also known as "Metis" here in Canada.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:38pm

The more I think about it all, the said boy is only 25% mexican. He is half, his dad is supposed to be half. It really is not bad at all. I was freakin' out, I know, my dh definatley was too. Yea, I would rather her just be friends with ANY AND ALL boys, but we all know that 13 yo's all think they are in love. And hey, if letting her be bf/gf with him will want her to get her grades up and be upfront and honest with us, then HEY! More power to him! HA!

My only worry that I have not suggested to her is, when I asked her why she like him, she said that he was nice, they could talk, she felt like she could talk to him about alot of things, stuff like that. That is when I told her to BE FRIENDS THEN! But NO! Anyway, my thought is that if all goes bad and they break up, then she will not have that friendship any longer either. I doubt very seriously if she has thought of that.

She seemed really good today. When I picked her up, she talked my ears off! Today was really GREAT! A friend of mine made me really laugh today....I do have a son that is 16 yo, one friend of mine has 3 boys, the other 1 boy and 1 girl, anyway, the friend that has the girl said "With a girl and her hormones, you never know who you are going to wake up with each morning!" I found that statement soooo true!!!!!! The friend with the boys was like boys are hard! I told her I would love to trade for a week!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 1:44am


To me, 100% isn't bad either but :)



On the other hand, she is wise enough to realize that it's great to date someone she thinks is nice and likes to talk with.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 8:17am

I have a boy, he is 16 yo. I will trade her 12 yo boy for my 13 yo girl for a week! HA! Oh, I know, there will be rough times with my boy too. But he and my daughter are like night and day!

"To me, 100% isn't bad either but :)"

It is not bad. I never meant that it was. I do not think anyone is 100% anything, yea, maybe white, black or whatever, but I mean I know my history is Irish, Indian and German. Shoot, that boy could be German, Mexican and Indian for all I know!

I am really glad I came here. I did listen to each and everyone of you, the good, the bad and the ugly! HA!

Thanks again!




Edited 11/17/2006 8:18 am ET by boondocks68
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 9:29am

Three boys, one girl here, the boys are 19-22 y/o, so pretty much out of the crazy years.

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