Intolerable situation for all
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|Mon, 10-06-2003 - 8:43am|
I used to visit this board often in the past, and I've always received lots of valuable advice and support...This post is very long, however, I would really appreciate it if some of you would take the time to really read it, since everything that I am writing is important...and I desperately need help.
My problem is my 13yrd old daughter...we've reached a horrible point and I don't know how to fix it, and least of all, how it happened. I've always been an over-indulging parent, giving in to every little whim, just to keep everyone happy. I've been the type of mom that feeds the neighbourhood kids, drives everyone everywhere, and ask for nothing in return. My dd is extremely disrespectful and rude towards me. I am appalled at the way she talks to me. No matter what I say, she usually answers rudely or sarcastically. I usually let it slide, I figure it's an age thing...she tells me I'm mean to her, and that I treat her horribly...and that she has no intention of changing towards me until I start being nice to her...I honestly have no clue what she wants me to do..I do everything for her, I buy her things we can barely afford just so I don't hear her scream and call me mean...Yesterday morning, I asked her if she would join me and her 10 yr old brother for church services next week ( my husband rarely joins us because he works, and my daughter never joins us because she likes to sleep, and I let her...).. She replied angrily and looked down at me and said, "No way...why would I want to...excuse me mother, I have better things to do". Her tone was so hostile, as it usually is, and it just left me feeling stupid and worthless...As the day went on, I knew she had plans to meet an old childhood friend, that I've known since she was three....This girl has practically grown up here, I 've always liked this girl, and I was happy that they still keep in touch every now and then...When it was time for her to go to her friend's house, I simply asked my dd, "when are you going to K's house?"...she replied very angrily "I'm not...I don't feel like going, okay?" (again, with a nasty tone)...I didn't react to her uncalled-for rudeness, so I just said. "fine, I just thought she was waiting for you..and it would be good for you guys to catch up." , to which she screamed back " Stop telling me how to live my life". My husband, having heard her scream at me, came down and asked, "what's going on?"..."Nothing, I replied.." and I left it at that...
A few minutes later, she left the house, and went to meet her friend afterall...The two of them came back to our house, and I was happy to see this girl whom I haven't seen in a while...I said " Hi K., how's everything, how's school..." just the usual small-talk...she barely answered me.... I was in the kitchen, I took some ice-cream for myself, and I offered it to them as well., and I asked if they wanted something to drink..K shook her head no, and my dd angrily said " what's your problem, mother, we can take things on our own, okay, just leave us alone, we don't need anything from you."..she rolled her eyes, looked at her friend with this look that said " You see what I have to put up with?" ... I had no clue why she had the angry outburst in front of her friend...all I did was offer ice-cream....lately, she always goes out of her way to make me look bad in front of her friends...Anyway, they left the kitchen, hung out for a few hours in the family room by themselves, and I never even saw her friend leave...I was wondering why this friend that I've known for years, would leave without even saying goodbye...So I just casually said to my dd " Oh, K left...I'm curious, why do you go out of your way to make me look like this horrible interfering mom, when all I did was offer some ice-cream?..." She replied," Because, you're mean...I told her you and dad don't like her...so now she's uncomfortable being in the same room as you, okay?". I was shocked...why in the world would she make up a story like that? Her dad and I have always liked K, nothing could be further from the truth...I felt so bad... How could my dd say such horrible things about me, things that aren't even true? What is she trying to accomplish? I started arguing with her about it, I was mad and I felt so betrayed...So, finally she says, " You know what Mom, I don't regret telling K what I did, because you're just DISGUSTING, and I hate you so much"... I was stunned, I said " how can you say that to me?" and she looked right at me, and said " Easy, because you are disgusting and I do hate you"...
Anyway, I've just had it...I'm so fed up with all this...if she's not asking for money or to be driven somewhere, all I get is the type of behaviour I described. I feel so hurt and betrayed, and above-all, worthless. Please, I need some advice, and I need to know, how others would handle this...Thank you.