Issues with the other side of the fam
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Issues with the other side of the fam
| Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:12am |
My son is 17 years old, and a wonderful young man. He is involved in sports, active in our church and gets good grades. The prob is his father and grandfather are always telling him what he will not be able to do and comparing him to his younger half brother. My DS has ADHD and is dyslexic, so he struggles for his A's and B's and even his C's. His half brother is a techie, a brainiach and apparently is just all around more talented than my DS. (in their opinion anyway)
I know I can not control what they say to him while he is with them, or even on the phone. I have tried to set down boundaries in the past, but negativity is just the way they communicate. How do I give him the skills to deal with them and their negative fear mongering?? They give him messages that are based in their own fears about his future because they have not bothered to educate themselves on either the ADHD or dyslexia. His grandmother on that side actually recently told me that she was concerned that he would not graduate high school (don't know where that came from, he has never failed a grade in his life) and that he will not get accommodations in college or in the real world, so I am setting him up to fail. I could not believe how ignorant she is!! I took the opportunity to remind her that I have a brain injury and a cognitive disorder, and I got accommodations in college and have accommodations in the work place!!!
They just dump all their fears and unresolved issues on my son and I am so frustrated in trying to help him deal with it!!! Tonight he announced he is not going to his father's or his grandparents for at least the next month. It is his choice and if distance is the only way he can protect himself from their emotional baggage, I support him. But it is so hard to watch him struggle!
Any advice!! Support.... words of wisdom??
I know I can not control what they say to him while he is with them, or even on the phone. I have tried to set down boundaries in the past, but negativity is just the way they communicate. How do I give him the skills to deal with them and their negative fear mongering?? They give him messages that are based in their own fears about his future because they have not bothered to educate themselves on either the ADHD or dyslexia. His grandmother on that side actually recently told me that she was concerned that he would not graduate high school (don't know where that came from, he has never failed a grade in his life) and that he will not get accommodations in college or in the real world, so I am setting him up to fail. I could not believe how ignorant she is!! I took the opportunity to remind her that I have a brain injury and a cognitive disorder, and I got accommodations in college and have accommodations in the work place!!!
They just dump all their fears and unresolved issues on my son and I am so frustrated in trying to help him deal with it!!! Tonight he announced he is not going to his father's or his grandparents for at least the next month. It is his choice and if distance is the only way he can protect himself from their emotional baggage, I support him. But it is so hard to watch him struggle!
Any advice!! Support.... words of wisdom??

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"Tonight he announced he is not going to his father's or his grandparents for at least the next month. It is his choice and if distance is the only way he can protect himself from their emotional baggage, I support him. But it is so hard to watch him struggle!
Any advice!! Support.... words of wisdom??"
I don't really have any advice to you. I know I'm jumping in here late, but I wanted to tell you this:
It sounds to me as though you've raised a very SMART young man. Kudos to him for seeing these people as a horrible negative influence on his life. There is more to being smart than "book" sense, "common" sense is just as important. And, while he seems to have gotten none of that common sense from his paternal side, you have given him enough to achieve whatever he desires.
Best wishes to you both
Sallie
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