It drives me nuts when they lie!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
It drives me nuts when they lie!!!
1
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 2:08am

This is just a rant...I am not asking for advice because the situation is already over, but I'm still annoyed.

Last night DS 18 had his girl friend 16 sleep over the house. They are doing a show together, and after the show we went bowling and I brought them home. She has spent the night at my house before, and I know her mother well. Strangely enough, the mother never asks to speak to me before these sleepovers (something I always do - to make sure it's ok with the other mom, and also to make sure my DS is going where he says he is). The last time, the mother came to the show (last week) and left. DS came over to me and said "D is sleeping over." "OK, let me just talk to her mom." "Oh, she left already." The next day when mom came to the theater to pick D up, she asked me if she'd behaved, so I know she KNEW she was staying at my house.

This morning "D" got up not feeling well - and within an hour was vomiting in my bathroom. She wouldn't eat, and any liquid (tea, water) she put in her stomach came right back up. She called her sister to pick her up BEGGED me not to tell the sister she was sick - she didn't want mom pulling her from the show (something this woman would never do - she would trust her daughter's instincts as to whether or not she could perform). Although I didn't speak to the sister, D sent my son several text messages from home telling him she was still throwing up.

When mom came to the theater tonight, I asked her how D was feeling. She indicated she was worried because she could keep nothing down, but made sure they had accommodations backstage and trusted her daughter to know her limits. The girl gave, in my opinion considering her state, the performance of a lifetime and opted (wisely) not to go out with the other kids after the show.

This is not the problem. During this conversation, Mom told me she had sent her daughter to someone ELSE's house to pick D up, because that's where D said she was staying. On the way, D called her to tell her she was at my house. Mom told me she didn't care, she knew me and my DS and was fine with the arrangement, but she was quite disturbed that D had lied to her, especially since her first instinct was to send DAD to pick her up - and he would have had a cow had he found out his daughter had lied about her whereabouts. She said D "couldn't understand the big deal--she was safe with Momma P (what she calls me)." Again, mom said she wasn't upset about the change in plans, but about not being informed...and dad would not have been upset about the arrangement, but about the lie. Suppose there had been an emergency, and they had gone to pick her up? Suppose the house where they THOUGHT she was had (God forbid) had a fire or other emergency during the night? Parents of D would have freaked.

Now obviously, this could all be avoided if Mom would just talk to the parents of wherever D was staying, but again, that's not my point. I took DS and D aside tonight and told them I was furious with being party to the lie, that D was welcome in my home anytime, but that I would need to speak to her mom if she was staying over because I would not support a mother not knowing where her child is. I told them I was thankful the sister had picked her up, so that they KNEW where she'd stayed, because I would have felt like a fool had I started to discuss D's vomiting with her mother and found out she didn't even KNOW she'd been at my house. Of course, they're both angry with me, thinking I'm making a big deal out of nothing...even to the point of telling me if I have to talk to D's mother, D won't sleep over again. To which I said "tough s***...I'm not going to look like a fool in front of other parents."

It amazes me that kids will lie about something when the truth won't even get them into trouble. And yes, it amazes me even more that a mother of a 16 year old girl would let her sleep at someone's house without verifying it with that person's parents (knowing full well that the "jig would have been up" had she just talked to the other girls' mother and found out no one was sleeping there because the girl had something to do in the morning).

OK - rant over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 7:57am
Rant away - I agree with you wholeheartedly. I've caught my kids in this kind of lie too - makes me positively crazy!
Rose