It Just comes at them soooo fast
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| Sat, 05-26-2007 - 1:58pm |
My dd is going on 16 and in September will enter Grade 11. Here in our school system, as in many on this board, that means 2 years left of high school and then its on to some post-secondary education or, for some kids, straight to work.
There is so much pressure on these kids at such an early age to *decide* what they are to do for the rest of their lives. In grade 10 here there is a compulsory course on "careers" during which the students take aptitude and personality tests and explore information about various careers in order to prepare them for making this decision. She has teachers who stress that they should already have their final two years of courses mapped out so that they have all the right courses to enter their field of study in university, community college, trade school or whatever.
My dd is just struggling with this whole thing. She, understandably, has no clue what she *really* wants to do with her life. She knows what she doesn't want to do, as of this point in her life, but specifically WHAT she has no idea. At this age all they have is nebulous perceptions of what a certain job is like.
Another painful thing to watch her go through is the realization that, although she has trained in various forms of dance since the age of 3, has competed and qualified at national levels, and attends a specialized arts program for dance, that she is really not strong enough to become a professional dancer. Sure she has a good general grasp of dance and has done alot of different things but she knows she isn't a professional grade dancer and isn't prepared to put in the necessary extra effort to attempt to improve those skills.
So she's had this life-long dream of becoming a dancer and now she is facing the reality that she probably won't be one. And its hard to watch her decide especially on what to do about her dance education. Her studio dance instruction costs us thousands of dollars a year -- money we barely afford and need to put aside for her university education. But she loves dancing so much and has begged us to let her dance competitively for ONE more year. I'm prepared to indulge her and then move her gently into a more recreational program afterwards.
It just seems like life comes at these kids so fast. One minute the hardest thing they have to decide is whether or not to play outside with so-and-so. Next minute they have to map out their entire lifetime...

My DD (16 in July, 11th grade in the fall) is in a similar situation - many kids at her school say that they know what they want to "be" when they leave college. Some of this comes from parents who won't accept anything less than a pre-something college program (e.g., pre-med, pre-law, pre-business). My DD does not know what she wants, and right now is finding out that there are lots of things she's interested in. This summer she's doing a four week internship with an environmental attorney and then two weeks in a bakery. So, right now she's aiming for law school or pastry school - lol - both worthwhile, but very different! And, in school, she's finding that she excels in math and science, and is passionate about history/global studies - all very different.
We are trying to help her keep things in perspective - many people we know as adults changed careers at least once, and others changed majors or colleges.
Sorry about the dance - I don't have BTDT experience, but I imagine it's hard to get to a point where you realize you're at your peak, but it may not be good enough.
Sue
Relax. There is only as much pressure AS YOU ALLOW IT TO BE. Take from someone whose kids are older and who lives in the same province.
The career course is not pressure. It just to get the kids to think and to take getting reasonable marks seriously. In fact, all the kids here took the aptitude testing as a fun thing to do.
NO TEACHER SAYS THAT the kids have to have their last two years mapped out. Your daughter is misunderstanding. The reality is that THERE IS NO REAL HURRY. Your daughter could stay for an extra year, if she wanted to. Many kids do. She could take courses at a community college before heading off to university. She could take a year off and work and then go on. She could start in one program and switch to another. Every year thousands of kids do that. It's no big deal.
All she needs to do is take the core courses she needs to take to graduate. At her age, she should know by now if she like science or not, math or not. If she a science kids, she signs up for Grade 11 Chemistry, Grade 11 Physics, Grade 11 Biology and Grade 11 Math. If she likes to program,she takes the Grade 11 computer courses. In Grade 12, she can drop the courses she dislikes, if she finds out it isn't her thing but takes Academic,not Applied level courses, if she has any thought of going to university straight out of high school.
If she isn't into science, fill the slots with Social Science courses (Grade 11 Anthro, Grade 11 Law, Grade 11 World Studies, Grade 11 Spanish, Grade 11 World History, Grade 11 French..) The only required course for university Arts degree is Grade 12 ENGLISH so it really doesn't matter. And all the fine arts programs audition the kids. Kids going into Commerce need Grade 12 Calculus,in addition to English..... Of course, the science and engineering kids need the science & math courses.
As for the dancing, it's better now than latter she realise that she is not "professional dancer" material. Sit down with her and discuss finances. Lay it on the line. It will cost about $20K a year to send her out of town for university. That's what we figured the total cost was last year. Unless she is a 99% average student, a full scholarship will not happen. She might get partial entrance scholarship but don't assume she will keep it. The vast majority of kids don't.
So, if you cannot afford to send her away and the extra cost of competitive dancing, that's life. Plus, tell her that Grade 11 & Grade 12 will not be as easy as Grade 9 & Grade 10. Her marks count in those years; the universities don't even see the Grade 9 & Grade 10 Marks. If she or you have any thoughts of sending her to one of the "big name" ones, she will need the time to work on her summatives, tests, quizzes...
She will find it increasing difficult to miss classes to attend competitions and still get good marks. And to get into Arts in universities like Queen's, McGill, U of T... ,the kid will need excellent marks.
Good luck & don't worry. It will all work out.
I think its great they have a class that explores careers. I think there is so much available out there but we dont really tell out kids that-its teacher, doctor, lawyer, nurse. Who suggests to their kid that they might want to be the person who comes up with the names for all the shades of paint(I have 'scone' in my bathroom)?
My oldest actually knew he wanted to be in computers for a long time and then hit the math curriculum in a tough engineering program and quit. He is now doing business which someone told him has become the new 'undecided'(my apologies to those who have a game plan and chose this major)
My other two are clueless
I have taken a more active role with DS3 because of the LD. His coursework is not college prep-its exposure to as much variety as I can provide(with his agreement but hes an amiable kid)He is one who has to see and experience to make choices-could never even tell me what he wanted to be for Halloween until I took him to the store and showed him the costumes!!
With my first I wanted him to be happy but,with #2 I have stressed to just pick something and pursue it-you can always change later. And, while I said this more so we could all have an answer to the inevitable "What is your/his major?" it has had the desirable side effect of him thinking enough to say "No, I dont want to do this" Which is progress, albeit slow progress
Doesnt look like Im getting my speech pathologist! Seriously, though, the LOWEST stat I saw was 99% employed at graduation. One of the SLPs I work with just got an offer of a 10,000 dollar sign on bonus in Hawaii. It's a high need field. So if you want to steer your kid somewhere(it requires a Masters)
Thank you iteadrinker. I see you understand the Canadian system as are aware of all the options.
My dd is not prone to exaggeration and embellishment so I believe her when she says that the teachers recommends they should have the next two years' courses mapped out. Teachers are human too and often don't realize the effect of a statement like that on people who do take these things seriously.
My dd and I sat down as she was choosing courses and worked it out by determining what she feels she doesn't want and then steered her towards the broadest range of courses possible to keep her options open. She is an honour roll student averaging close to 90% this year so all her courses are Academic. She's doing the Math and Science (Chemistry) and then she is focusing on her arts courses as she's toying with the idea of writing/publishing/journalism etc. I made sure she selected courses that gave her alot of exposure telling her that if she wanted to write some day she needed to make sure she has enough to write about...
I'm waiting for this year's dance season to end before having the serious "talk". She wants one more year of competition but I'm going to have to talk her down on just HOW much. Theres a good recreational studio nearby that alot of former competitive dancers attend and I'm going to encourage her to take some classes there so that she can see she can continue to dance with other good dancers without costing me a bundle!!!
We are really lucky in that we live just outside the Toronto border. She has three major universities that she can attend while living at home and in fact depending on which one she chooses she can commute for as little as 15 minutes and no more than 45 minutes. We will only have to deal with tuition and books and course fees. Of course we will relax and take it as it comes....its just an observation how quickly they go from kid to adult...
We encouraged DS#1 to stick with the math and science because those are often areas that are hard to go back and catch up with, if you're away from them a couple of years. He was also v.good in humanties. In the end, he majored in civil eng. and is now quite happy working in construction management--sort of a blend of science, communications & business. He's also become more health-concious, and works out aerobically and lifts weights regularly.
If your DD loves dance and really wants to continue the competitive dance, I think I'd let her. Remind her that she might be missing out on fun times with her classmates the last couple of years before going off to the university. That may help her decide if she really wants to put in all that time traveling, even though she won't make it a profession. But if she really wants it, I'd let her do it. We have to teach our children that they must love what they do, and to do everything with passion. Whether it's work or play, if it's done with passion, it's time and money well-spent, and there's always a lesson well-learned. (My own love of dance may be clouding reason here--after 8 years of dance (ballet & jazz) through HS, and more in college and adulthood, I ended up with degrees in med tech, acctg, and finance--and now tutor dyslexics! How's that for confusion? But I still love dancing--salsa, hiphop, bodyjam, anything!)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
If she is interested in journalism, the best place for that is Carleton.
If she is interested in Science, she should take Physics. Even if she goes into biological sciences, she should take it. My DD & her friends have told me that those kids who are in bio in university are struggling with first year Physics for Bio Students. Those who took Physics in high school are having an easier time of it.
If you send her out of town, look to the smaller universities within a reasonable driving distance from home. McMasters,Queen's, Trent, Guelph... are all excellent universities.
You have over a year to worry about that. University applications are done in December of Grade 12 with the kids deciding normally by May. You can apply to multi-programs at several Ontario universities, with one on-line application. It's very easy. And the kids can change their minds.
Those teachers who pressure the kids are well, stupid. Very few people have any idea what they want to do at age 15 or 16. And the Ontario Curiculum is designed to allow for that.
You are entirely right. It seems like kids these days have to have their entire lives set in stone before they even get into high school. I know a portion of it is because of the intense competition kids are under now a days. Though it is a good thing that more people are going to college, it means that the requirements have become cut throat. My kids started seriously mapping out colleges and careers in 8th grade. I have always told them that though it is good to have a dream job and a goal, they shouldn't have their life set in stone because things happen and they might change their minds. That is perfectly okay.
Stephanie