Is it legal to read our son's mail?
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| Sun, 06-10-2007 - 3:44pm |
I have a 15 year old step son (dad has sole custody) who received mail from his biological mother. He recently spent about 2.5 months with her during which time he was not going to school, started doing drugs and having sex, and got arrested on a stolen quadrunner.
Historically his mother's actions have always negatively impacted his attitude and behaviors but we were always willing to give them a second chance. With all that recently happend we are extremely concerned about all communication she has with him. They talk on the phone and she recently sent him a letter which we have not given to him yet. While we can't fully monitor phone calls, we are wondering if there is any law that would prevent us from screening his mail - both incoming and outgoing.
Thanks in advance to anyone who knows the answer to this!

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I think it is morally wrong for you to read your son’s mail from his mother. HOWEVER, it is NOT illegal. The resource below is from the United States Postal Service’s Frequently Asked Questions.
http://tinyurl.com/35afe3
"A minor’s parents or guardian may control delivery of mail addressed to the minor."
When I started researching I expected to find the opposite. I just think this is ethically deplorable.
How is your relationship with your step/son? If your relationship is on the mend or doing good, you might think about just talking to him about it and reading it together. That way, he has someone there if there is something upsetting to him. If your relationship isn't so good, you'll need to steal yourself against some major gripping that you read his mail. IMHO, he's a minor, in your DH's custody and that given the history with his BM, you both have every right to be concerned and it can be argued you have an obligation to know what she's got to say. Hopefully it will be something good for him to read, or apologetic in letting him do the things that were allowed.
Best wishes whatever you decide!
Sallie
If you want to avoid issues with the mom, I guess I would suggest that you let DH read the letters, rather than you, unless you have some form of legal guardianship.
Do you have kids? Your answer doesn't reveal any awareness of parent-child relationships.
"ethically deplorable" and "morally wrong" seem a little strong in this context, and definitely not fair, given the question asked.
I would have some qualms about reading my daughter's mail, but in the situation described I think there are very strong ethically DEFENSIBLE reasons for reading or controlling the mail.
I think under the circumstances (his behavior, skipping school, sex & drugs), any parent would be screening phone calls and mail received. Due to the delicate circumstances (divorce, not so nice/responsible BM) I would think that H should be the one to read the mail. He can always share with you what it contains, but I wouldn't even touch the envelope if I were you (unless you have legal custody along with your H).
In today's times, with so many people running to court for every little thing, you should be careful, but it is certainly not illegal for a parent to read their minor child's mail.
Best of luck. BTW, it is NOT ethically immoral or deplorable to screen your son's mail, especially under these circumstances. I have snooped on both of my dd's when I've had concerns about thier well-being and never gave it a second thought. My now 19dd once said it was wrong of me to read her mail and look through her things in her room. Without being a meany I reminded her of a recent breach of trust as well as the fact that this is my house and I have every right to look through any room I want if I see fit. That was the end of that discussion. Incidentally, while she's at college, guess who has the task of screening all her mail? Am I not supposed to open the bill from her bursars office or the scholarship letter from our local dollars for scholars? Ahem, if I didn't she'd be kicked out of college - lol!
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't read my teen's mail, go through their room, or snoop through their cell tms.
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