Is it wrong not to like your child?
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| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 4:06pm |
Hello All,
I am a lurkie and finally decided to post. I have been having issues with my DD(15) since she entered middle school at grade 6. When she started middle school all the hormones started kicking and things started blooming, mainly her breast, LOL. Of course all the little boys began noticing her and she liked the attention. At that time my main concern was controlling the boy situation...no phone calls, no dating etc. But she became defiant on several occassions that really shook the household foundation.
Now, my DD is by no means a bad child but she is not an angel either. Over the years she has shown she can be manipulative, lie, steal and persuade her way out of anything. Everyone thinks she is this wonderful child because she attends church, makes honor roll and pretty much respects any adult outside of this household. What people do not see about her are:
Erasing numbers off the caller ID
Us having to change the phone # because of people calling
Having a myspace acct when told not to do
Comments from her on myspace state she drinks and smokes weed
Stealing things from me as far as makeup
Not following the rules in the house
Talking back to teachers
Accused of stealing in school
Her actions and demeanor are not what we have tried to raise her to become. She is now telling her 6 yr old brother to lie for her. I personally do not have a relationship with her and can't wait for her to get out. I do not like her or her ways. At some times I even question if I hate her. Is that not awful or what? People tell me I should get her into counseling especially with this most recent incident. She pierced her own navel in her bedroom. If it was not for her brother we would not have found out. Now I am faced with a doctors visit to make sure she doesn't have an infection.
My DH is concerned with her behavior but still thinks we should try and work with her. I am saying send her to job corps or a military school. He has mixed feelings about it because he just does not want to send her away without helping her. We have been the route with couseling and it makes no difference. She has become who she is and nothing we do or say is going to change it. I have never thought I would say this but I have given up on her and just want her gone from my life. She is causing too much stress in the household and taken care of someone who acts like this further pisses me off.
What do you all think, any suggestions or comments?

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Oh my gosh! I don't believe it! She sounds just like my daughter to a tee! I also had the same thoughts about my 15 year old daughter that you have. I never told anybody because I thought that it was a terrible thing to feel or say and that it wasn't normal to think this way. Especially being her mother. I also thought that I couldn't wait for her to leave my house and felt that I really couldn't stand her. She took so much of my energy. I cried constantly. She is the reason that I joined this board.
One day it came to me. Since I couldn't change her way of thinking I decided to change mine. I started talking to her as if I was talking to an adult and it has helped immensely. I talked to her about pot and why she felt that she had to try it, allowed her to have a sight on the net and how it was important to me that we be respectful of each other. I told her that if she wanted to borrow my makeup I didn't mind. I just want her to put it back when done with it or if she took it to please leave me a note telling me this so that I knew where it is.
I now try to listen more and talk less and not comment when she tells me things that may shock me. This has allowed her to open up to me and for me to understand her better. Since I have taken this approach we are actually having some nice chats. I truly believe that in time, she will realize a lot of things, I will learn a lot of things and we will once again have the loving relationship that we once shared. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to you and I truly hope that this has helped.
P.S. As for your question about it being wrong? I don't thing its wrong as much as it is not unusual. I think that we just don't speak about it.
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