It's different now, but not....

Avatar for soccermom03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
It's different now, but not....
5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:25am

...or should it be? I'm in a real quandry with DD15 right now. She is one of those girls that seems to have always had a boyfriend, and they always seem to be long-term things. Her latest, in the picture since last September, is a nice kid. He's also an incoming sophmore (as is she), plays on the football team, is from a nice family, etc, and dotes on her. He's a little clingy and can be jealous though. As I understand it DD asked for some space this summer, and they are "on a break". They still get together frequently and when they're together it is like nothing has changed. However, being on this "break" apparently means they are free to see other people, and DD has been.

There is a young man, "B", who DD has been friends with for a year and a half or so. They met playing travel soccer for the same club when their teams shared practice space. Well, B has re-entered the picture. Problem? B graduated from high school this month. He is a young grad, and has been very sheltered, but is now technically a "college guy". B went to a different HS than DD, and is good friends with one of DS18's best friends who also went to this HS (they were co-captains of the soccer and track teams) and DS has socialized with B many times. According to DS, who is very protective of lil sis, B is a "good guy" and we shouldn't worry about him spending time with DD. B has always been very respectful of any rules we set down for DD, and actually has a strict curfew the same time has hers, so we've never had problems with them seeing one another before. But, as I said, he's now a HS grad. Should this make things different?

Last night they went with one of DD's girlfriends along and played Lazer Tag then went for ice cream. They were home at 11:45 (DD has a midnight curfew). Last week they went to a graduation/going away party for a friend of B's who was leaving for basic training which was at the home of the grad's grandparents, and they also went to Sunday dinner at B's parents home then a church social after. Another "date" was DD taking him shopping for new clothes for B to wear to his summer job, then out to eat. We always know where they're going and she is always home on time. It *feels* like it is okay, I'm just hung up on the age difference. B is crazy about DD, treats her like a princess, and DD assures me he hasn't "tried anything". If he was only after sex, she tells me, there are plenty of girls he graduated with more than happy to provide that. He is a *very* good-looking kid and very popular in HS (Sr Prom King, escorted the Homecoming Queen, captain of 2 varsity sports teams, etc), so I don't think he has problems getting girls, lol. He and DD have tons in common though, and there is real chemistry there. If it were 3 or 4 years from now I would be thrilled with them being together......but she is just 15. A very beautiful 15 who looks 17 or 18, but still 15. ::sigh:: Should I be more concerned about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:27pm
Just Know if they do anything now it can be considered rape.
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 8:59pm
You say they have seen each other before? The age difference hasn't changed. There is still only 3 years difference in their ages, possibly only 2 (she's 15 and he's a young grad--17?) He's respectful of your dd AND the rules you have down for her, and your ds18, who knows B very well, is ok with his sister hanging with B? I say no worries. Not to mean to turn a blind eye to everything, but to try to "squash" the relationship simply and soley because he graduated high school doesn't make sense to me. My guess is things between them will cool off after the summer anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 10:24pm

I totally agree with you mjaye, the age difference hasn't changed any in the past 3 or 4 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:21am
I wish my own DD had an older bro to help me get a feel for some guys. I would have real problems myself if I were in your situation wo the help of DS. The fact that your DS feels ok with the relationship would put me at ease for sure, I think you should probably defer to his judgement in this case.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:17pm

Wow. My 15 year old has a 10 PM curfew. I am surprised that you'd let your DD have a midnight curfew at this age.

I would not let my DD go out with a high school grad, even if accompanied by a friend.