It's difficult when they won't accept help or see reality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
It's difficult when they won't accept help or see reality.
9
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 12:15pm

DS, 17, Jrs. in H.S., just failed a class this quarter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

I am sorry I don't have any advice for you, but wanted you to know you are not alone in your frustration. My son is 16 1/2 and a junior, and he failed the first semester of Algebra 2. Now the second semester is halfway over and he currently has an overall grade of F in that class. He doesn't seem too concerned about getting into college, although right now he thinks he wants to attend a technical school. I've told him he will be going to summer school if his grade isn't up to a C by the end of April. I am so disappointed in him as I know he can do better. Good luck, I hope things improve soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hey conmama! So sorry your ds is still in denial. I can understand you not wanting to take away hope. And by all means I think you should go on and go through with the college visit. I think I'd leave most of the talking/explaining up to him, though. If it really means that much to him to go to this school he should be the one to be explaining why he failed a class and outline to them the steps he's taking to overcome his disability. I also think you need to need to be serious about him starting out at a community college. Your situation sounds so much like our situation with Justin. Fortunately he didn't fail a class and he was/is fortunate enough that he tests well - he got a 29 on his ACT the one and only time he took it. We, too, kept threatening community college if he couldn't get his act together. And at the end of his junior year we even gave him the 'grand ultimatum' - he either turns it around senior year or he wasn't going away, period. So what did he do - pulled pretty much straight A's all his senior year (might have been one or 2 B's). We congratulated ourself on finally showing 'tough love' and figured he finally 'got it'. Nope - he just did what he knew he had to do to get what he wanted. In his defense he did do fine first semester away - got a 3.0. But that was mainly because he attended classes and as I said - he tests well. He says now he never really studied/read the books/etc. But you know what happened 2nd semester - he flunked out because he met a girl and stopped going to class. To be honest - I'm still not sure he 'gets it'. He just turned 21 and failed 2 classes at the community collge in the fall. We're not paying anything for his schooling this year as he's getting financial aid because he was still married and indpendent when he applied to the CC. We've told him (and we are VERY serious about it) that unless he pulls a 3.0 this semster we will not pay for any further education at this point. He'll have to work full time and if and when he chooses to go to school it will be on his dime. We may re-negotiate or reimburse him if it comes to that and he can prove himself a few years down the road. He's supposed to show us each of his grades this week. While I hate to micromanage - he's still not proving to be very trustworthy and at his age we have precious little that we can hold over his head besides paying for college and letting him drive our car...

Anyway - didn't mean to make this into a rant about Justin. I know how difficult it is - I know that you always envisioned your kids going to high school, going off to a 4 year college and having the perfect experience - managing the grades, the social life, getting involved, making lifelong friends, etc. I know this because this is what I always envisioned for my boys. And - while Jason did graduate from college he struggled with an eating disorder along the way and it took 5 years and frankly - even though he excelled academically - he hated Northwestern. But he's headed to med school in the fall and at almost 24 I think he's finally pretty much 'grown up'. And obviously Justin isn't taking the route we dreamed of but my hope is that one day he'll grow up, too. Speaking from experience - I don't think it's likely that your ds is all of a sudden going to do a complete 360 and mature that much in a year. I think he will benefit from staying home and proving himself at a CC to begin with. I'm not saying it's impossible and like you said you always want to have hope. But other paths aren't necessarily the wrong paths.

Hang in there and keep us posted on how things go.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998

Thanks for your replies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't have any experience w/ this kind of thing, but I just wanted to say don't let the other bragging parents made you feel bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005

When Connor (17, Senior)

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Also, in our case anyway, transcripts went directly from the HS to the U; we didn't have a copy to send to anyone. They went for application and then after acceptance, after both semesters in HS (via the HS).

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Hmmmm.... Maybe we should make a separate meeting that day with an counselor. I think I"ll call in advance and see if we can do that after the general meeting with all the prospective students. I really think he needs to hear from the "horses's mouth" so to speak. Thanks for the info.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

Hi conmama,

It's been so long since I've heard from you and so I've wondered about your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

I think his grades are good enough to get into this school, and if not, then do the community college.