Just because we parent differently doesn't make either of us wrong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012
Just because we parent differently doesn't make either of us wrong!
5
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:45pm

When my daughter was 11 yrs old, her dad & I divorced. It was very difficult for both her & me. I sank into deep depression and she became someone I didn't know. She went through a period of being bisexual, not caring what anyone said or thought of her, trying drugs, sneaking out, and lieing to me about where she was going & who she was going to be with, and failing school. I preached about self-respect, the importance of education,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998

And I've discovered that sometimes it just doesn't matter how you parent at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I couldn't agree more! I, too, have 2 boys that are complete opposites. Same set of parents, same upbringing, etc. One seemingly 'has it together' - always loved to learn, involved, goes the extra mile in whatever he does, is in med school. The other probably every bit as bright but has failed several college classes including CC because he doesn't bother to do the work, tends to put forth minimal effort at anything he does, works a minimum wage job at a call center. While I do see signs of maturity and I see him thinking about his future a bit, I just think they are always going to be different. Justin's happiest when he's 'chilling' - watching TV with his GF, having a couple beers with friends, etc. I have a hard time imaginging him really getting passionate about anything career wise. He talks about going back to school in the spring but so far it's all talk - he's not made any effort to go the career counselling center or even to talk to an advisor about getting back in at the community college. I think despite anything we as parents do, some kids are just going to slide through life just 'below the radar' while others are going to soar. I've kind of re-adjusted my expectations and just hope that both boys end up happy and self-sufficient one day!

Pam
Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998

I agree that there are many paths to parenting a happy child and style is all dependant on the individuals involved. I agree that we shouldn't make assumptions on a parent being "bad" because their kids are out-of-control. I also agree with the poster that in many cases, it's more about the child than the parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998

Pam,

I have a good friend whose oldest son is more like Justin and my oldest DS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sometimes it just takes some kids longer to find their passion. My Justin always had a passion for the army but little else. At 25 y/o he found his passion in motorcycles. He had to wait until he got out of the army, but he enrolled in a motorcycle technician/rebuild/repair program and is getting a 4.0 for the first time in his life. James thought he had several passions over the years, but none of them enough so that he was willing to put a lot of effort into it... until he got a job working at a residential treatment center for juvenile delinquents. He's thinking about using his GI Bill to work on a degree in counseling to further his work with the kids. The ironic thing is that he was one of our town's biggest juvenile delinquents 10-12 years ago.
Zack and Nicki always did well in school, justin barely graduated with a 1.0+ GPA. They were raised in the same home, with the same parents but a big difference in motivation.