Just looking for thoughts on something
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| Sat, 01-27-2007 - 2:34pm |
I have a good friend who's 13 yo daughter has had a boyfriend for about 6 months who is only a year older but already in high school. They see each other as often as they can given that they live in different neighbourhoods and her mom, my friend, is very permissive and encouraging about the relationship. She hosts get togethers at her home, giggles with her daughter about the bf and IMO acts more like a friend than a parent.
Now this young girl is signing up for high school. She is very talented and her original plans were to attend a performing arts school but now, ever since meeting this boy, she is no longer interested in the arts, and is planning to attend HIS high school even though it is well outside her district. Again, her mom is okay with this and supporting her every step of the way.
There's something about this that bugs me. This girl is very mature looking, tall, blonde, beautiful, but she is after all only 13. The boy she is dating is a good kid, cute, smart, well-behaved but his is after all only 14. To me it seems a bit much to have the girl change her plans and attend his school. Kids this age can change their minds about a boy at the drop of a hat. And in the meantime mom and dad are stuck commuting this kid back and forth to a high school well out of their way when she could have gone to a school just around the block.
The interesting twist about all this is that my friend, her mom, has a very similar history. She met her husband while a young teen on vacation. They fell in love but lived in different countries. She ended up eloping with him in order to not leave him. Her mom and dad dragged her back home to finish her education and begrudgingly sponsored the young man she married to immigrate. They are still together which is a nice ending but she is a very, very young mom. Our kids are two years apart but she and I are six years apart.
I wonder if she sees this relationship as some reliving of her own youth -- the whole head over heels teen romance thing. Problem is not ALL teen romances end happily. And with kids this young, likelihood is they won't be together.
Anyway, nothing I can do to talk to her about it as she is committed to keeping her daughter happy worried I imagine that if she doesn't her daughter will do what she did and run off with the boy...
Anyway no real questions other than soliciting thoughts and because I really care about this girl and my friend I wonder if others have experienced similar young romances like this.

It's very possible that your friend is reliving her own young love through her DD's relationship, but I'm with you on this one - encouraging a serious relationship this young isn't a good idea IMHO, and for a 13 y/o girl to give up her dreams for her 14 y/o b/f is a little extreme to me. Most kids this age do have very short lived relationships, and chances are sometime in the next year one or the other of them is going to be looking elsewhere.
As an interesting aside - my DD 15 has been seeing 16 y/o T for 4 months now, and while they're best friends and treat each other very well, both hold out the possibility that they won't be together their whole lives just coz they ARE so young. Neither of them foresees any reason they should break up, nor does either one of them want to break up, they just recognize that they could outgrow each other. So DD is continuing to pursue her dreams of college, and b/f continiues to drift, much as they both did prior to starting their relationship. Not sure that this is such a good way to handle a relationship either, but at least DD isn't giving up what she wants out of life for a relationship that might not last.
Rose