This is just me whining....

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
This is just me whining....
13
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:20pm

WARNING!!! WAY LONG!---Do not read unles you are really, really bored, becuase I am simply whining and crying over no big deal really. I just needed to get it out, KWIM?? :)

I swear, our school has to be the most detention-happy school I have ever seen. Poor ds15 has had more than his share of them.

Just in the last, what, 2 weeks, ds15 has had 3 or 4 detentions. The next one he gets should throw him into ISS for 1 or 2 days (I forget how many) OR 15 extra days detention. Because ds15 *needs* classroom time (to help with his LD) he will elect to take the 15 extra detentions. The 1st semester alone, he had ummmmm, 18-20 detentions. Something like that. And we are reaching that point again this semester. And we are only 1 month into the semester. ~~~~heavy sigh~~~~

I'm not saying he never deserves it. Gosh, I'm sure some he has brought on himself. And, naturally, I only hear 1 side of the story and I know him well enough he is going to tell it in a way that takes the blame completely off him. I know this. So I tell him to serve the detentions and go on. Not anything *I* can do. Trust me, I've already gone head-to-head with this school once and pretty much "won", but ds15 will pay the price for that for the rest of his time here.

Here's a list of his last 3 crimes (as told by him)--

1. Members of his freshman basketball team were practicing (with coach's permission but not supervised *by* coach) in the gym after 3:00 pm. School is offically over at 3:30 but high school lets out at 3 if you are passing all courses. Otherwise 3-3:30 is tutoring. HS principal said they were not to be in the gym after school hours and gave all 6 boys detention.

2. Sideburns past the bottom of the earlobe. He came home and told me that one. I looked and overall, they were MAYBE 1/16" past the lobe and was mostly stragglers where his electric shaver didn't do a good job.

3. Had his cap on sideways. At least that's what I got out of it. This happened yesterday and he was plenty upset. When he's that upset, it takes me a day or two to get a full story out of him. Apparently, ds15 is walking down hall, girl snatches it off head then puts it back on sideways. Ds15 is straightening it when 2 teachers walk by and hear him say "don't do that. I don't want to get another detention" Both teachers stopped ds15 and (from what I can gather) decided it would be great fun to give him detention. Apparently, he had one teacher take one cap from him for some infraction of rules I guess. I don't know. So, from what I gather, he has "lost" one cap and was on his way to losing another. They cited that as the reason for detention. ok. Whatever.

Like I said, I'm not saying he didn't break any rules. I know he did. Yes, his sideburns were a little long. Shoot, 90% of the kids in his grade don't even *have* facial hair, much less sideburns. Ds15 has to shave *every* day. OK. So he got a little sloppy. Would a comment/warning not accomplished the same thing? Or, if not, then by all means, give detention. And the cap thing...well, nowhere in the dress codes, etc. does it say anything about wearing your cap backwards or sideways. It does state that anything that could be possibly associated with gangs is forbidden. Ok, so maybe that falls under that heading. But please....consider the circumstances and the kid. Ok, well, maybe not the kid. That's probably why they hammer him with all this. Because of who he is. :(

Ok. Whine over. I feel better. Thanks. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 8:31pm

OMG - I agree, your school sounds overly punitive! I do some consulting to schools, and when I ask how they keep positive discipline in their school, they always tell me about suspension, detention, etc. It's so hard to get schools to see how to *reward* good behvior rather than just beating the sh*t out of kids. (can you tell this is one of my soapboxes?)

FWIW - there's tons of research showing that punishment alone doesn't work to build positive behavior. If it "worked", the kid who got a couple of detentions would stop whatever behavior is getting him in trouble. Here's a link to a booklet called "Suspending Disbelief". It's about why punishment alone isn't the anser. It's long, but readable
http://www.bazelon.org/issues/children/publications/suspending/suspendingdisbelief.pdf

So sorry your DS is having such a hard time.

((HUGS))

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 8:58pm
Holy cow! What kind of school is this, is it a private school? Just WOW..I teach in a public high school and NONE of those things would ever get a detention. Our philosophy is "pick your battles". We have one of the TOUGHEST bullying policies in the province...but other things? Well, for instance,we don't let the kids wear hats in school, but if they DO we usually just tell them to take it off. If we have a really persistent repeat offender, we take the hat. It's just so not worth fighting over the small stuff when there is "big" stuff going on in many schools...drugs, guns, whatever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 10:33am
Oh mitzi - whine away!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 5:09pm

I can see why you need to whine.. that is so frustrating.

"Ginny"

Loving wife

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:56am

Thanks for the link. I've not had a chance to read it yet.

Our little back-water school is really big on punishing. And a lot of it depends on you who are---lots and lots of politics goes on here (like everywhere I've come to decide), it's just easy to see here because there are so few kids.

I'm sure our school has never even heard the concept of "positive discipline). They just prefer to hand out detention slips.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:02pm
Nope, just a small country public school. Funny you should say that about picking your battles...my older ds (who graduated from this school in '05) told me the teachers and the principal tend to pick on the kids that will give them the least resistance. The kids who break some of the more serious offenses (depending on who you are, of course) get off pretty much scott-free. Granted, because we are a small-town school, we don't have a *lot* of drug/alcohol/gun offenses, so I guess they pick on the small stuff.
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:09pm
I thought about going up to the school, but I've already had one run-in with this school last semester. Long story, but ds15 was accused of a *very* serious offense which, according to *most* of his class, did not happen. Anyway, ds15's dad and I took on the school and got the "charges" reduced to 2 days ISS (they were going to put him in AEP for at least 6 months). I knew at the outset that ds15 would end up paying for that for the next 4 years and I told him that. So, no, no way will I take this up with the school. It's just not worth it.
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:12pm

Thanks, Gin. I wanted so badly to go find out if the coach really *had* given permission and talk to the principal, but I just didn't see where it would do any good, and would probably make things worse.

And, no, apparently we *haven't* learned anything by now. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:36pm

Those staff members who hand out detentions like that should be ashamed of themselves. It is disgusting! And then people wonder why there is a lack of respect for teachers and administrators. In my mind, that kind of stuff is what pushes kids over the edge and results in school shootings. Why can't school administrators figure that out?

I don't think our HS is that bad when it comes to little stuff, but who knows? Maybe they are and I just haven't heard about it. Wednesday I'm going to the parent assn meeting to push for alternatives to out-of-school suspensions. With the zero-tolerance policy in our school district and a HS staff full of egomaniacs, the tactics they use to investigate alleged code violations, as well as the punishments, have gotten to be ridiculous. I'm trusting they'll let DS17 graduate in spite of my pushing for change. And soon, sometime in summer, we'll be out of this crazy city. I can't wait! But I'm not gonna stop fighting just cuz we're moving. I am concerned for the welfare of ALL children, not just my own.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:02pm

Okay, the hat thing - as a teacher, please explain to me why it is so offensive for a kid to wear a baseball cap, or a knit

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