Just need to rant!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Just need to rant!!
6
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 2:16am
dd is driving me out of my mind....im sick and ive been sick for along time and they dont know what it is and so its hard to deal with....so it doesnt help with her acting like the biggest brat in the universe.....im lossing it....im praying so hard.....but im still going crazy....i hardly see her and so it doesnt help my empty nest syndrome...ive been going through one of my exaserbations with my illness so ive not been able to do much.....when i do hear from her shes mean, rude, and demanding......the other day...i was sick and she called and my cuz told her i was lying down b/c i was sick and she made the smartass comment "dont she ever go to work"...my bf told her "do you?" (she hasnt got a job yet) which i thought was ok until summer was over as long as she managed her money wisely then i let her use my car and bf is trying to get me one so she can use it and ill have one but i need it to go on a trip to see family and she wasnt going to go but now she wants to but doesnt want to go with me b/c she has other friends and things she wants to do down there and she gets mad b/c i wont let her go and me not go...i said well u figure something out b/c im taking my car and u can either go with me or find a car to borrow everything she says is rude and ungrateful....my entire life i have given and given and loved and loved and i didnt have to b/c i choose her as my child after our mother died...it was my choice to care for her b/c i loved her and even before that at 16 i was working to feed her to help momma b/c she had a crappy hubby who wouldnt give her enough money, i kept her safe from harm when i was 12 b/c mothers previous hubby was abusive( please dont think badly of my mother she was wonderful and amazingly stron...we all make bad choices).....i did all those things b/c i loved that child as if she was mine.....i didnt give birth to her....so what i did choose to take custody of her and raise her and worked non stop to make sure she had what she needed......i just do not understand how i raised such an evil brat.....all i ever did was love her and make sure she had the best childhood i could give her...i just wanna yell at her and say.....leave me alone if u cant be nice to me.....i miss my little girl....the one who used to stay by my side always and wouldnt go on trips with girlscouts unless i was right there and laid her head in my lap while i petted her hair while she was waiting for her turn to play on the basketball team.....what happened....how did my sweet little baby turn into this mean hateful person....im so heart broken....thanks for listening to me rant.....
excuse my spelling its late and i should be asleep but im having trouble sleeping
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:36am
just to update i let her know how i felt today....i dont think she cares....she said...well im letting u take to car to TN and i said its my CAR i let u use and do without so u can have help getting started and i tried to work out a way for her to come with us and all she did was whine about it.....i told her...im exhausted....u treat me like dirt and all ive ever done is take care of u....i told her all the things i said in my rant about protecting and feeding her even before mom was gone and i said im tired...i will always help u if u help urself but from now on if u have something mean to say then just keep it to urself and if all u have is mean, rude and ungrateful words then just dont speak to me.....ive done all i can b/c i love u like u are my own but im worn out...the world doesnt revolve around u....she said well uve alwasy done that for me...like it was my fault she was a brat...i said dont blame me...i may have babied u too much, but i wanted u to have the best childhood i could give u and all the love and attention i could give u but its time to grow up and dont blame me b/c u are self centered, maybe its my fault a little b/c i cared so much and done so much to make ur life easy so u could be a kid and enjoy childhood but i also taught u all the right values, morals, respect, etc. and its not my fault u choose not to use them...at least towards me i dont know how u treat everyone else but u treat my like crap and im tired of it and she said well u make me sound like an evil brat and i said well thats how u treat me and all i have everdone was be there for you....so from now on if u need help i will help u and i will care for u and protect u but u will no longer treat me like u have been and if u cant not treat me like that then dont speak to me at all unless u need help or u can talk to me respectfully....i said im going through alot with u growing up and then u treating my like this still even though ur almost 18 yrs old and im tired of it and i wont put up with it anymore...if ur going with us then pack if not bring me the car and she said ill bring the car and i said well like i said if ur going bring ur stuff too but if not then whatever ive done my best to try and accomidate u even though uve been treating me like crap and so i am taking the car to TN and im leaving at 3 i love u and bye and hung up......im so tired.....i just dont know how to deal with such a mean person...i tried so hard to give her all the right things she needed and teach her all the right ways and i just dont understand why shes like this to me but i know one thing...im putting up with it any longer and this time my foot is down for good, weve had these talks before and she always acts better for awhile and then goes back to the way she was but this time i will not allow it to slide....this time shes old enough to learn...b/c life is comming at her fast and she needs to take the tools ive given her and prepare for it b/c if not shes in for a rude awakening....im so tired....i love this child more than my own life....i cant understand why shes so awful to me....i just cant wrap my head around it........
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:24pm

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 4:01pm

I hope you get to feeling better. And, enjoy your trip! Sounds like some time for tough love. When you get back, don't give her the car to use. Leave it sit if you don't need to drive it. Let her ride with friends, or let her pay someone to drive her somewhere. Stop being an easy target. She is immature. She needs to learn to grow up. Give her a few years, having to scrimp and scrape for everything. Let her experience life in it's fullest. Continue to care, lend her an ear. Say yes, and oh my that's hard, all that supportive jargen that will let her know that you've actually heard her. Let her vent away. Just don't do anything for her. If she gets in trouble, don't bail her out. Let her grow up. You've done an amazing job getting her to adulthood. It is now time for you to have your own life, something you were not allowed to do because of circumstances.

IT IS OK TO LET GO!!!!!

Time for you to begin your own healing, emotionally and physically.

Best wishes!!

Sallie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 6:52am

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Some of what you're describing is extreme, but alot of it is normal teen-mom stuff.

I realized last night that my DD (almost 16) scheduled her whole weekend to be with friends, and almost no family time. And when I said "maybe we can all do something together on Sunday" she said "fine." but not alot of enthusiasm. So, I miss my little girl too - the one who wouldn't stay overnight anywhere, because she liked our house best; the one who held my hand anywhere we walked. But, I also love my big girl - the one who has the self-confidence to go into any situation; the one who has managed to make friends across several different social cliques in school.

The moodiness and snippiness, and wanting everything to go her way - I think some of that is normal teen stuff. Maybe if you and your DD can talk about it, about how you each are feeling, some of the nastiness will go away. But also, try not to take the bait - if she's snippy, just walk away - don't get into a discussion of "well I did this, I did that" - it won't work and you'll both feel worse.

Oh, just one more story about moodiness. The other night, my DD and I were having a nice walk home. Then - out of nowhere - she was almost in tear and FURIOUS at me, because I couldn't get the cover back on the ice cream we were carrying (she had opened it for one taste). Talk about out of proportion! It's ice cream - OK, it was melting a little - but still - it's just ice cream! The she realized she's almost crying over ... ice cream ... and was embarrassed and mad at me. Within 10 minutes it was over, as if it never happened. Raising teens is a roller-coaster!!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 9:54pm
thanks ev1 for ur thoughts...im a lil peved b/c she had alot of family and firends thinking it was my fault she didnt come, she told a few BIG lies about it...i dont know what to do right now with her, dont want to say anything so she wont get pissed at them but also want to make her own up cause shes wrong and im so mad....i do need to let her do things on her own and stop being so easy to run down i guess....i know shes a normal teen but shes so rude and selfish..it is a roller coaster and im tired to im getting off the ride..ill always be here when she needs me but shes gonna have to face real life now and im not going to give it to her on a silver platter...wish me luck...im trying really hard...ive done the best i knew how to do with her...been the best parent i could...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:34pm
i found out this morning she told the same BIG lies to another person yesterday...i swear i dont understand how i ended up with this rude, lying, hateful child...wheres my sweet little girl...who is this person...i dont know her....and im not sure i like her at all...i want my little girl back....not this weird person that she turned into all the of the sudden.....its just so crazy...i cant belive shes saying the things shes saying...I pay for MY car and I paid all this money to have MY car fixed...SHE DID NOT....and people belive her, well some people know better but some people did belive her until i told them.... and God knows what the people who dont know better think about me with her lying like that, and who knows what other terrible thingns shes said....im just like OMG WHO ARE YOU.....she pays her part of the insurance...i pay the rest....and my bf paid to have the car fixed for her and she did not pay ANY PART OF IT...and its MY car and I let her use it all the time and my bf was going to buy me a new one so she could continue to use it for as long as she wanted, i was even going to give it to her when i got my new one.......i cant belive her...WHO IS SHE....WHERES MY BABY.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...please pray for me before i lose my mind.....